To ensure her king's throne, Gina must trust a traitor.Good first sentence.
She faces this quandary in GOOD NIGHT, ODILE, a 65,000 word upper-YA fantasy that will appeal to fans of THE ILLUSIONIST and Tamora Pierce's early quartets.Conceivably achievable comparisons.
Nineteen-year-old Gina is renowned as a powerful sorceress and a promising justice keeper. It falls to her to swiftly stop a rebellion.Just a little more background here, please.
She enlists the assistance of Sam, a sorcerer destined for a traitor's execution. Bound by magic and law, Gina abhors Sam's crimes, but must see beyond his failings to work with him. Their uneasy alliance forged, the traitor and his keeper invade the rebellion's fortress.Interesting dynamic. But overly arch phrasing.
Their assault is meeting with success until Sam betrays his word and turns on Gina,Who would have seen that coming?
breaking her spine and rendering her body useless.I didn’t see that coming. The main character’s now a quadriplegic? I don’t suppose this fantasy land has electric wheelchairs?
He has fought for the rebellion all along. Intent on serving justice to the traitor, Gina becomes one with her power to slip into his soul.What? I hope this sounds less invasion-of-the-body-snatchers in your manuscript. Your heroic main character is leaving her own body to slip inside other people’s bodies? Creepy.
There she discovers her mistake in judging him: magical threads surround Sam's soul, trapping the true Sam in a web of servitude.Oh, for f***’s sake.
If she can free his soul, Gina both rights her mistake and cripples the rebellion. She weaves her power between the binding threads and shreds them, but Sam grows weaker with every cut. Gina herself is slipping away to the immortal realm, but she must free Sam in time or his death will leave the rebellion unimpeded, and this time, she won't be alive to challenge it.So they both die? I guess there won’t be a sequel.
I am currently working on the sequel to GOOD NIGHT, ODILEBut your main characters are dead. Do they re-inhabit their dead bodies and go on a zombie killing spree? Which side of the rebellion are zombies on?
and a YA contemporary novel. The complete manuscript of GOOD NIGHT, ODILE is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.