Friday, September 21, 2007

Query 5: Too Confusing

Barbaric rituals. An unintelligible language. Foreign customs. The blue diamonds engraved on the back of Eliinka's hands are a visual reminder of her promises.

Boy, those blue diamonds are sure conveying a lot. Her promises include barbaric rituals, an unintelligible language, etc?
Eliinka is torn by her desires and the demands of the queen she has sworn to serve. She must find a way to use her musical powers (that she wishes to keep hidden) to bring peace between her adopted land and the land of her birth. Can she do so without sacrificing her friends, her arranged marriage, her music?
She doesn’t want to sacrifice her arranged marriage?
Will her desire to develop her musical abilities change her into the type of person she most fears?
Here’s a question that’s hard to follow. How the hell are musical abilities likely to change anyone into anything people fear? Augh, the terror of the rogue bassoonist! Watch out! That man has a tuba!
I believe readers of Megan Whalen Turner and Shannon Hale will enjoy Eliinka's cultural struggles in this young adult fantasy. My experiences of living in Brazil, Finland and Iceland bring a unique perspective to this book and allow for realistic culture shock scenarios.
Really? Why? You haven’t provided any support for this.

13 comments:

LynNerd said...

Hi EA,

If you ever want to change professions, I think you should consider standup comedy. You're too funny! Thanks for the chuckles.

A. B. said...

Yes, stand up comedy would suit you I think. Thanks for the giggles and useful information.

Melissa W. said...

How the hell are musical abilities likely to change anyone into anything people fear?

Air Supply? Rick James? Mariah Carey?

lkmadigan said...

Phil Spector?

Kid Rock?


Don't get me started.

ae said...

High School Musical.

The Partridge Family.

The Carpenters.

Stix

Sorry EA but there are exceptions.
SMILE

ae said...

STYX??? ick

Joni said...

All right, I have to stop laughing enough to thank Melissa et al for the hoots. (Hey, I LIKE Styx.) Glad I bothered with the comments!

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have any helpful feedback for the author of this query, or all of you just going to keep laughing and snarking?

Angela said...

Anonymous 8:55 p.m.--First off, no one takes an anonymous comment seriously, because if you can't use your name and say what you have to say, then you probably shouldn't have said it. You need the clue gun, so here goes....the editorial feedback is there but you won't be able to see it with your blinders on...so take em off and while your at it, drop the weight of your ego and have a good chuckle at your own expense. Because if you're going to make it as a writer, you better be able to laugh and learn at your mistakes.
I mean really, how can you not laugh at Styx!?

Anonymous said...

"First off, no one takes an anonymous comment seriously, because if you can't use your name and say what you have to say, then you probably shouldn't have said it."

Somewhat amusing, considering how we're discussing comments from Editorial Anonymous.

"Because if you're going to make it as a writer, you better be able to laugh and learn at your mistakes."

Disclaimer: I didn't write this query. I just wondered why no one was giving this author any additional input. I'm sorry if my previous comment seemed too harsh.

Karen said...

What the heck. I don't like being all sneaky and trollish in apperance, so I might as well say that I posted the anonymous comments because I know the author and felt bad for her. Blame me, not her.

Sorry,
Karen

Angela said...

Aww Karen...Don't be sorry, it just grates my nerves when people post antagonistic comments as "anonymous". And you know yourself that an editor has to protect herself by being incognito because her views reflect the integrity of her employer and some houses don't allow them to do feedback like this on the web(and keep their job). I like EA and the comments, even though humorous at the writer's expense,they are on target AND helpful. You're a brave soul Karen,. And I make a solemn promise that I will think twice on how to word my comments so nobody's feelings get hurt. :)

2readornot said...

Maybe helpful comments:

The query's a little too general...as EA mentioned, it would be nice to know why the author's experiences in all those countries adds to the story -- for me, that would make a huge difference. right now, the query seems pretty generic and not enough is explained.

That said, I'm probably one of the worst query writers ever, so I understand how hard it is to be specific enough without drowning the reader in an info dump. sigh.