Thursday, September 27, 2007

Query 17: James Joyce Writes a Query (After His Lobotomy)

I am so excited about sending you my query letter. Or is this a cover letter? You are my favorite publisher in my first batch of 37 (should I spell this out...Thirty-seven) editors. I found you and every other editor in the CWIM (Children's Writers and Illustrators Market). I hope it is still up to date from 2001 (Two Thousand and One). I am so glad that I don't need an agent to sub to YOU because I have heard that it takes even longer to hear back if you have one. Plus you have to pay 15% (Fifteen percent) for that. Well, that is what they say on Verla Kay anyway. Unless, I can get a pre-empt and an auction. Is it possible to have an auction with just one house? I mean can more than one editor at your house try to outbid another at your house, or does it have to be 2 (Two) different houses? What if it is an assistant editor...can an assistant editor get a higher advance for me than a senior editor? And what about those foreign rights, huh? Do you think that MY CUTE LITTLE PUPPY PET will be popular in China? Will HOLY COW make it in India? They both rhyme. I am not sure if they are magazine pieces, pbs, mid-grades or young adults. But it really doesn't matter because I know you publish all of these. You can decide. And I'll bet if I go over to these countries they won't even care because they don't read English anyway. Thanks for you're attention to these matter. Oh BTW (By the Way), my first story is about my pet puppy and my second story is about a very special cow with a gift of making chocolate milk.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Phew. Thanks. Now I feel so much better.

And finally, I can get on with "The Portrait Of An Artist As A Middle-Aged Woman".

Rhonda Stapleton said...

BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA coming out of lurkdom to laugh heartily at this letter.

Awesome.

Marissa Doyle said...

No, not Joyce. Too much punctuation.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be surprised if the writer is young. I've seen senior elementary kids write the same way.

Anonymous said...

She's not. But thank you anyway. She does write for young set though because that is where she is when she can be.

LindaBudz said...

I just choked on a piece of rice.

Hilariariarious!

My Vancouver said...

Oh come on. You made this up.

ae said...

Did not...did not... ;}