It seems some of the people who entered the First Lines contest wanted some examples of what not to do--even if they were the examples.
So on May 28th, I will open a Worst First Lines Contest. This will be your chance to enter both real first lines of manuscripts (for you gluttons for punishment) and made-up-just-for-the-contest first lines.
I'll offer a Bulwer Lytton Prize for overall, overwritten awfulness, but remember, this is the easy one. It's tougher to write first lines that are bad in ways that many people achieve accidentally--but those are the ones I'll really be on the lookout for.
There will also be a Seuss Prize for poetry as rhythmic as a pounding migraine, a Drivel Award for uninspired use of cliches, a Robert Munsch Citation for most dysfunctional relationship in a first line, and other honors based on the varieties of dreck you foist upon me.
DO NOT enter now. Entries received before the contest opens on May 28th or after it closes 24 HOURS LATER will not be considered. This gives you some time to craft your entries, and maybe some time for me to wonder what I was thinking.