If I Had a Hammer, I'd Hammer This Message Into You

Depressed, North Wind confided in his Siblings; “I was blowing around my favorite places on Earth and looked down, I mean really looked; she’s sick you guys, and it’s frightening, we have to think of a way to help heal our precious Planet Earth, what would we do without her; there is nowhere else to go?
Annie, a young girl, made from recyclable trash is a creation of the Winds because of their worry over the many environmental illnesses Earth is suffering from. Their plan: have Annie come to Earth and visit schools around the world to teach the children about these issues and how to tackle them one at a time; but which problem should they tackle first?

Which problem should we tackle first, indeed.
Children are just like unformed pieces of wood, aren't they? Just waiting for the chisels and planes and hammers and nails of the well-meaning adults around them? Or maybe they're like those pedal-operated trash cans: just step on a lever, their heads pop open, and a sign reads "Dispense Knowledge Here."

Except wait. That's almost the exact opposite of what I think.

Here's what I think: Children are people. They aren't people-in-training. Isn't it adorable the way they think they have minds of their own? No, it isn't. They do have minds of their own.

People (of any age) do not appreciate the funnel-to-gullet method of learning a lesson. Which is why I am firmly of the school of telling a story because you love the story, rather than loving the lesson that's carrying the story around like emotional baggage.

I would recommend you take a big step back from this message. No one here--no one!--is going to argue that it isn't a good and important message. I'd just argue that you'll catch more flies with honey than with a sledgehammer.

A Word to the Wise (and Enamored of Snark)

Every once in a while it occurs to me that my readers may not be reading the same blogs I am. So it's good to check.

Surely you're aware of Janet Reid (and if you don't know who she is, I'm not going to tell you) and Query Shark?

Via The Longstockings, test your typeface-awareness (and see if you can beat my score!): type test

Shelftalker, at Publisher's Weekly: the blog of a children's bookseller.


Favorite quotes this week:
“Teen books are like adult books, without all the bullshit.”
— H. Jack Martin, assistant coordinator of young adult services at New York Public Library

"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
— Stephen King

KidLit News: Know Where I'll Be Next Weekend?

Children’s Book Week 2008 NYC Kick-Off in Bryant Park
Saturday, May 10, 12:00 – 5:00 pm

Children’s Book Week launches in NYC with an event for kids in the Bryant Park Reading Room on Saturday, May 10. Join National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature Jon Scieszka, with help from Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, and Franny K. Stein, in welcoming 10 local authors and illustrators to read from their books. Book signings will follow each presentation. Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, and Franny K. Stein will spend time with kids throughout the afternoon.
Don't forget to get the kids you know to vote for the Children's Choice Book Awards!


And over at Chris Eldin's, it's Author's Week

"A week of contests and fun and free books! Author's Week will be held on my blog from May 3 through May 9. Festivities will kick off on Saturday May 3 with an Oldies but Goodies Contest. I will have funny questions about the following authors who have supported my promotions in the past (cool prizes also!!)"

The Sweetest Berries Come with an Assful of Thorns

Why aren't teachers consultants to Book Publishers? We read a gazillion books a year - at LEAST four a day, and more at night and on the weekends. We nowwhat kids like, what they laugh about, what they cry about, who they are interested in, and what works and what doesn't. We are in the school library, the public library, the used bookstores, the yard sales and Barnes and Noble looking at books. Honestly, shouldn't WE be the ones hunting through the slush piles?

Sometimes teachers are consultants to publishers. But I'm surprised to hear that you think you have the time to read our piles of slush. I know some teachers who are as dedicated as you describe, and they work as much as I do (or more!).

The people who do tend to have the time, and the knowledge, are experienced booksellers. It's true they know less about children than teachers, but they're more likely to have an eye on the market as a whole, and they know more about what sells. And that's important. If you can't sell a book, you're never going to have the chance to share it with a child, no matter how appropriate to children it is.

But heck, if you want to read slush, write to publishers in your area and send them your resume. Make a case for why you're qualified to judge submissions. If you ask me, people who read slush should not only have a whole bunch of experience with children's books, they should:
1. read all age groups of children's books. If you don't read YA, how will you judge the YA manuscripts you get?
2. read what's current. If you don't know what's new and exciting in different age groups, you won't know which manuscripts are copycats, and which are breaking fresh ground.
3. be extremely hopeful. People who you can bury under a kitchen's worth of slush, and who will still say (muffledly) "I think I see something!"

Slush is a dirty job. Struggling through those piles takes intelligence and resilience and a sense of humor. You have to be the sort of person to whom grammatical mistakes, bad rhyme, and self-indulgent treacle are torture, and then read piles of grammatical mistakes, bad rhyme, and self-indulgent treacle. There are sweet and wonderful things to be found, for the sharp of eye, but it's like throwing yourself in a briar patch because you know there's a single blackberry in there. If you're crazy enough to want to do it ...well, come join the club.

Pythons Attack!

Today I was reading a children's blog and came across a story that had the same title as mine and plot as mine. The plot line may not be unique, however, it is a true story that happened to my sister's and I. The only difference in the story is that she used chickens as character and I used people. I feel that this author stole my idea. What should I do? How do I prove that the idea was mine first?

How do you mean she "stole" it? Do you think this author saw your own writing and took the title and plotline? That would be unethical, but also could be very hard to prove. (Aren't you using a critique group? They improve your writing and they provide witnesses.)

...Or do you mean that somehow the same idea for a children's book occurred to you both? In that case she's done nothing wrong, even if the idea came to you first.

Some people seem to think their ideas are equivalent to intellectual property. And it's true that some ideas are. Let's look at some examples.

1. Here's a guy who has an idea for a flying car. He hasn't built a flying car. His idea is that it will be aerodynamic and red with sparkles.

2. Here's another guy who has an idea for a flying car. He hasn't built a flying car. His idea is a detailed plan for the engineering and construction of a flying car--a set of complete blueprints which, if executed in physical form, would produce a real flying car.

One of these guys has intellectual property. The other has a daydream.

1. Here's a guy with an idea for a story. He hasn't written it down. His idea is that it will be about a girl, a pumpkin, and a fairy who makes fantastically uncomfortable shoes.

2. Here's another guy with an idea for a story. He hasn't written it down. His idea is a completely formed, sentence-by-sentence expression of a story about a girl, a pumpkin, and a fairy who makes fantastically uncomfortable shoes.

One of these guys has intellectual property. The other has a daydream.

You may have recognized that plotline. It didn't belong to the Brothers Grimm when they wrote it down, and it doesn't belong to either of these hypothetical guys, either. It's just a plotline.

The plotline of a group of orphans who explore new places on their own—and thwart criminals—does not belong to Lemony Snicket or Gertrude Chandler Warner or Trenton Lee Stewart.

The plotline of a boy who finds out he has extraordinary abilities and has to go away to a school for those abilities—and vanquish evil—does not belong to J. K. Rowling, or Jane Yolen, or Rick Riordan, or Trenton Lee Stewart ...or fricking anyone else.

An idea is just an idea until it is developed and expressed. If it's a car idea, it needs to be expressed in blueprints. If it's a story idea, it needs to be expressed in words.

As I've said before, in storytelling, as in pretty much everything, expression makes all the difference.

The Storyteller's First and Best Tool: Voice

I have a question about voice. Every time I hear an agent or editor raving about a 'stand out' voice, the book is written in first person. Can a third person narrative have that elusive unique and compelling voice that we always hear about? Do you have any examples of books written in third person that had a voice that really grabbed you?

Tons! But it's not fair to load the list with Newbery winners.
How about:

Skippyjon Jones

Every morning, Skippyjon Jones woke up with the birds.

And this did not please his mother at all.

"Get yourself down here right now, Mr. Kitten Britches," ordered Mama Junebug Jones.

"No self-respecting cat ever slept with a flock of birds," she scolded. "Or ate worms, or flew, or did his laundry in Mrs. Doohiggy's birdbath."

Ivy and Bean

It all began because Bean was playing a trick on her older sister.

Bean's older sister was named Nancy. She was eleven. Nancy thought Bean was a pain and a pest. Bean thought Nancy was a booger-head.

The Wee Free Men

She unhooked the largest frying pan, the one that could cook breakfast for half a dozen people all at once, and took some candies from the jar on the dresser and put them in an old paper bag. Then, to Wentworth's sullen bewilderment, she took him by a sticky hand and headed back down toward the stream.

Things still looked very normal down there, but she was not going to let that fool her. All the trout had fled, and the birds weren't singing.

She found a place on the riverbank with the right-sized bush. Then she found a stone and hammered a piece of wood into the ground as hard as she could, close to the edge of the water, and tied the bag of sweets to it. Tiffany was the kind of child who always carried a piece of string.

"Candy, Wentworth," she shouted.

She gripped the frying pan and stepped smartly behind the bush.

Wentworth trotted over to the sweets and tried to pick up the bag. It wouldn't move.

"I wanna go-a toy-lut!" he yelled, because it was a threat that usually worked. His fat fingers scrabbled at the knots.

Tiffany watched the water carefully. Was it getting darker? Was it getting greener? Was that just waterweed down there? Were those bubbles just a trout, laughing?

No.

She ran out of her hiding place with the frying pan swinging like a bat. The screaming monster, leaping out of the water, met the frying pan coming the other way with a clang.

It was a good clang, with the oiyoiyoioioioioioinnnnnggggggg that is the mark of a clang well done.

The creature hung there for a moment, few teeth and bits of green weed splashing into the water, then slid down slowly and sank with some massive bubbles.

The water cleared and was once again the same old river, shallow and icy cold and floored with pebbles.

"Wanna wanna sweeties!" screamed Wentworth, who never noticed anything else in the presence of sweets.

Tiffany undid the string and gave them to him. He ate them far too quickly, as he always did with sweets. She waited until he was sick, then went back home in a thoughtful state of mind.


Voice is certainly most noticeable when it's a unique-sounding 1st-person voice, but good voice is to be had in lots of places. It's about suiting your word choices and pacing to the story you're telling. A perfect match adds depth and texture and nuance to the text; it tells you something about the characters you're reading about and the story being told.

Everybody's Favorite Word—Freebies

Ooo, oo, oo. T-shirt lady (nicknamed "Angela") is giving away a t-shirt.
Perhaps you want the one that reads, "My inner critic can beat up your inner critic."

Independence Day

All the kerfuffle over the columnist who let her nine-year-old ride the subway alone has led to some interesting discussions on writer's boards about how much freedom to give child characters in middle grade novels. What's your opinion? Do we pretend that kids are being raised the same way we were, and let our child characters go around town by themselves doing interesting things and getting into scrapes? (And then kids read it as fantasy?) Do we make up reasons why this particular kid has freedom, like the parents are out of town or something? Or do we have them sit at home texting their friends or going on carefully supervised playdates or having their "adventures" in some after-school program, because that's what real middle-class American kids do?

How many of us haven't had the experience, as a child, of the thrill of getting to choose what we do, free of adult supervision? These are confidence- and independence-building experiences.
And how many of us haven't had the experience of realizing, while we're doing something (or shortly thereafter), that we've put ourselves in a stupid, dangerous position? These are learning experiences, and thank goodness our parents never found out about them.

It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to look at your children and know that they need experiences that build the skills of independence. And to look at them and know that if anything ever happened to them, your life would be over. It's hard to hear about the snatchings that happen in people's front yards (or even in their homes!) and not get awfully paranoid. Reasonably, we know that there are not more predators now than there were when we were children, or when our parents were children. There's just more news. But that doesn't make it easier for mothers and fathers.

I think the bottom line for writers is that there are still lots of different childhoods to be had in this country alone. It's certainly unusual to find a parent who lets their nine year old wander around a city alone, so if you describe a family like this, be sure to include the details that make those parents believable. On the other hand, the Penderwick girls and Ingrid Levin-Hill leave the house regularly to wander around in the woods. Their parents are still protective parents, but the authors have grounded us in a setting that makes these parents' attitudes believable.

Different parents are protective in different ways, and that's what results in the different degrees of freedom that different children experience. Sometimes it seems like writers think they're just writing about their child mc. Well, yes and no. Don't forget to give your reader a sense of who's making the rules: understanding the major forces in a child character's life is part of understanding the character. And for most children, there are no forces more powerful than their parents.

Gather Ye Manuscripts While Ye May

I'm wondering what your take would be on my current situation. I sent my YA manuscript to a publisher a year ago. Writer's Market gave a response time of 4 - 6 months.

Well, Writer's Market may or may not be accurate. But a year?

In November I sent a letter asking what the status of the manuscript was (mostly because I wanted to send the manuscript in to a contest. In January I received a form letter stating that the publisher was still considering the manuscript. I could call in 2 months if I didn't hear from them. In March I got the same form letter saying that if I didn't hear within 1 month I could call. I called last week and the receptionist said they were still reading the YA manuscripts and I should hear something soon.

"Still reading the YA manuscripts"? As though they had had only one shipment?

Now, I'm new to this, so I take anything that isn't a "no" as a good sign. But I'm wondering if maybe I'm reading too much into the "still considering." Does that mean at least one person read it and liked it? Or could it mean that they just didn't get around to reading the manuscript until now? I know every publishing house is different, but what's your professional opinion?

I hope the person sending those letters is properly embarrassed. A year?
A year is not a good sign, but it's true that, even so, your manuscript might be being read for the first time so long after submission. But you shouldn't think of anything submitted so long ago as an exclusive, and no publisher has the right to expect such an accommodation.
Once again, we see the importance of submitting widely and persistently. Some houses take far, far too long, and it'll serve them right if they miss their chance at something good.

Censorship or Not: a Quick Review

Things that are censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides not to carry a book because it offends the librarian or bookseller.

Things that are not censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides not to carry a book because they don't think a reasonable percentage of their clientele would be interested in it.

Things that are censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides to carry a book, but other people object because they are offended.

Things that are not censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides to carry a book, but asks the author not to read the sexy bits aloud where it could be overheard by children.

Things that are censorship:
Telling a poet she shouldn't open her fat mouth.

Things that are not censorship:
Telling a poet she's an idiot after she's opened her fat mouth.

Like Shooting Nitwits in a Barrel

It's just too easy. What real enjoyment can be had from making fun of My Beautiful Mommy, the book for mommies who want to explain to their kids why mommy needs a tummy tuck and a boob job?

(The reason is, of course, "For the same reason I gave you those Barbie dolls, sweetheart!")

...The book that Newsweek has just featured? The Newsweek whose staff can't remember the last time they were proud of themselves?

Yes, it's like sparkly pink spiders are crawling over your skin. Please admire the magical glitter that surrounds New-Improved-Mommy so that she reminds us of Barbie or Tinkerbell or Cinderella. Nice, huh?

And if we skip directly to the book's "publisher," Big Tent Books ("Beautifully Illustrated Books for Children of All Ages"), there are indeed many other targets as wide as a barn. I'm going to leave the commentary on this one to you guys:

But this highlights a truth: plastic surgery and self-publishing are related fairy tales.

The moral of both these stories, boys and girls, is that the heroine of the story (or the hero) is always special. And she's special because other people tell her she is. Even if she has to pay them to tell her that.

Swiss Family Ninjason

Some guy named Larry has introduced a discussion of the Ninja Replacement Score for literature.

The idea is: By how many characters in a work would replacement by ninjas be an improvement? So the best score is zero. And the worst score is all (which, by convention, is scored as "infinity"). This amuses me.

I think our offices would be improved if all the managing editors were replaced by ninjas (not that they're that far off already).

But after trying to play this game with my sister for a few minutes (her: "Tale of Despereaux: 1 --the narrator." me: "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: infinity!") we found it hard to apply in ways that really represented how we felt about some books. ("So Gone with the Wind gets a 41, but The Kissing Hand gets a 2? Where's the justice?")

So we started a new game: what character needs to be added to a book to improve it? (me: "The Giving Tree: The Wuggly Ump" her: "Pride and Prejudice: Mr. T" me: "Love You Forever: Dr. Spock")

Who else wants to play?

The Answers Are All Yes

Do agented manuscripts get preferential treatment over requested slushie ones?

Not unless the agent's doing a better job of nagging me, or has let me know there's interest elsewhere and he/she needs an answer by X date. So the practical answer is yes, sometimes. But not because I think agented manuscripts are better than ones I've requested.

How often do you have editorial meetings?

You mean acquisition meetings? This varies a great deal from publisher to publisher. Could be weekly, could be monthly, could be whenever the editor has a chat with the boss.

Do you tell a writer that a manuscript went to a meeting before, after or never?

Any of the three. I'm not picky. Do you want to know before, after, or never?

Do you ever ask for revisions before making an offer?

Yes. I don't think it's fair to ask for more than one without a commitment on the table, but yes, sometimes I think I see something in a manuscript that I'm worried the acquisitions group won't, so I'll ask for a rewrite. This is also a test: the good writers are the ones who are good at rewriting. Some people are only good at first drafts, or terrible at using feedback effectively, and I'd like to know that about someone before I commit to working with them for months/years and spending many thousands of dollars on their project.

If you do ask for revisions or offer to look at something after a revision, do you think about that manuscript or is it out of sight, out of mind until it lands on your desk?

Out of sight, out of mind. And often out of memory. As in, it comes back and I have to work to remember what the project was, why I was excited about it, etc. This is not a reflection on your manuscript. This is just a fact of the publishing office. It's a high-distraction, sometimes high-stress environment.

The Heroic Journey of the Requested Manuscript

There is a wealth of information online about approaching publishers and the query process, all of which I've found invaluable. However, once your work is actually out there, under consideration, information seems to dry up. For instance:Three months ago, an Editor at a small but extremely successful publisher called me. She liked my sample chapters and asked me to send the full manuscript straight away.After scooping my jaw up off the floor, I did as she asked.So what happens next?Does the Editor make an effort to read it as soon as she can? Does it get lost in the shuffle? If she loves it, what's the next step?I know three months is NOTHING when waiting for feedback on a full, and that I'll probably be waiting for a while yet either way, but as I can't find much information on this stage of the process, I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to shed some light on what happens to a requested manuscript once it gets to a publisher.

The envelope comes in and is pulled from the mail by someone (an assistant / an intern) who's never heard your name before. They just pull it because it says "requested material" on it. That person passes it to me. They may remove the manuscript from its envelope and trash the envelope.

I look at the envelope/manuscript askance because I forgot your name ten seconds after I wrote it on the letter requesting the full. But I open the envelope and look at the cover letter and realize I did request this. I may have a memory of why, too! Points for me.

But whether my reaction is "oh, good! I was looking forward to seeing this!" or "I can't remember why I wanted this, but it'll probably be clear when I look at it," the next step is the same: it goes in a pile of things I need to read. Because right now I'm clearing off my desk or chair or inbox, and once that's finished, I have huge amounts of the work I'm paid for to do.

(a digression) Many authors idealistically think that it's part of my job to read things, and that's true, in an abstract way. In practical terms, though, there's always a huge amount of work to do for the books that are already underway, so the part of my job that's reading is usually the part on the subway or the weekend or any of the other times I'm sure as hell not being paid for. Sometimes I fantasize about taking time out of my day to sit comfortably with my reading and a cup of coffee and give everything the time and consideration it deserves. And then I roll my eyes or snort or laugh a little hysterically (depending on my current emotional stability) and get back to answering emails.

Eventually, I notice that the pile is getting a tad out of hand. Depending on what else has been going on, this may be when it fills its basket or when it's almost two feet tall. Noticing may be aided by agents in that pile nagging me, or maybe not. And depending on the time of year, the growth from one inch to 24 inches may happen over the course of three months or just two weeks. Sometimes I look at it and whimper.

But this stage is where I differ from a lot of editors: I have a pile. One pile, with one place to be, so when it's out of hand I do notice, and when I want to know how long the pile's been waiting, I can look at the stuff on the bottom. What many editors have is many, many piles on their desks, all of which are of varied content, import, and antiquity. I don't really understand how anybody works that way, but the proof is right across the hall from me. Lots of people do.

Ok, let's assume your manuscript has beaten the chaos and the crushing workload of the office and is actually in an editor's hands and being read with some focus. I'll also be reading with some foreboding, because experience shows that most fulls don't live up to the potential I saw in the partial. And, damn, that feels like a waste of my time! It's frustrating.

But maybe, maybe I read each successive chapter with growing hope and disbelief and, my god, is it... pleasure? And I finish the whole thing and think, that was great! I then have to get somebody else to read it to be sure the pressure hasn't gotten to me and I'm out of my mind.

And then (assuming I'm not nuts), we start the acquisition process, which varies a great deal from publisher to publisher, and may take a week or a month further before you hear anything from me.

...So when you finally do hear from me and I make an offer, it feels to you like an asteroid has fallen from the sky. But to your manuscript, it's the end of a journey full of perils and close calls, suspicion and doubt. It's like a beloved dog that you thought was dead suddenly showing up in your front yard covered in tire tracks and limping a little, but wagging his tail, happy to see you again. And with a suitcase full of money in his mouth!

...And then comes the really hard part.

Higher Risk for Authors and Booksellers? Where Do We Sign Up?

Oz and Ends runs the numbers on the non-returnable, profit-sharing publishing model that Harper is trying out. I think I agree about the profit-sharing being a very dubious deal for authors.

But non-returnability... I think it may possible to construct shared-markdown and remainder-in-place policies that make sense for booksellers. I'm not sure I've seen any yet, but I'm not ready to throw the idea out entirely... yet.

I haven't seen the details of Harper's new venture, but my hopes aren't real high. People in the position to make big decisions at publishers don't often seem to have many friends who are authors or booksellers. Now wouldn't that be nice? To have a colleague on the other side of the fence that you could knock the numbers around with before you make decisions that may or may not piss them and all their counterparts off? Yeah, I'm crazy.

I'm Back!

Yes, I've missed you, too. I'm going to be very vague about my whereabouts these past several days, though, so my coworkers can't identify me. It was somewhere where I thought I would have lots of time to sift the many entries to the poetry contest, but was I wrong? And how. Thanks for your patience.

I have a friend who is a Navy SEAL turned Dr. of physiology and chiropractic. He's written a children's novel concerning physiology to teach kids about good posture and how participating in activities in a physically correct manner is beneficial. Sounds crazy, but he's managed to do it and make it cool. For instance, learning to push your scooter with both feet (one at a time of course) helps your overall balance....both legs are strengthened, not just the side you favor, and this helps in playing sports, etc. He wants to include a DVD with the book to demonstrate the techniques. Can you give him a little guidance about querying
agents/publishing houses? It's fiction, but is full of non-fiction, teaching elements. Any advice you have on how to proceed with this would be greatly appreciated.

Your friend needs to fully grasp two facts about the business.

1. Absolutely no one is going to buy a novel for its nonfiction physiology content. And when I say "no one" I mean no agent, no editor, no parent, and no child. These people will only buy it if it is a good story, well told.

2. There is a not large but meaningful section of slush made up entirely of yahoos who are committed to explaining the importance of their chosen careers to children (eg tax audits, cosmology... remember these?). Their manuscripts are universally awful. So: your friend does not want to be mistaken for one of them.

Most of us are familiar with the expression "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down". (Some of us, in fact, can't think of this expression without hearing Julie Andrews in our heads. Damn Mary Poppins.) It's important for your friend to recognize that what he has here is medicine. Physiology is not the big, bitter pill that "Insurance Structures and Their Importance to You" would be (as a completely random example), but it is still a pill. In order for this manuscript to succeed, he must have wrapped the information so completely in a story that children want to consume that the teaching component is indistinguishable.

And what this means to his queries and cover letters is most likely something he won't want to hear: he shouldn't mention the physiology content at all. He should query and submit this just like he would if it were a story written for its own sake, because if the manuscript does not work on the strength of the story alone, it will. not. sell.

You didn't mention why he felt a novel would be a better vector for this information than a nonfiction manuscript. Personally, I think it's an odd choice. Still, I never say never. Good luck!

Audience? What Audience?

I have just read yet another reference (in a review on Fuse #8) to "the current 'Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus' trend of breaking down the fourth wall and allowing the reader the chance to affect a picture book character’s actions." Surely I am not the only out-of-the-loop person wondering what are the first three walls. Could you please explain?

"The fourth wall" is an expression that comes from theater. The people on stage are pretending they are in a room: three of the room's walls are right there, on stage, with the furniture and other props. The fourth wall, the one closest to the audience, is not there. But because it is a play, the actors pretend there is a wall there (and not an audience), and interact solely with each other (and not the audience).
So "to break the fourth wall" is when an actor addresses the audience, breaking the suspension of disbelief that allows us to pretend what we're watching is its own self-contained world.

By extension, the expression has come to mean any situation in which the presence of an audience is acknowledged. Do you remember in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Matthew Broderick looks directly at the camera, sharing a joke with the audience? That's breaking the fourth wall.

In children's books, this is not a new thing. You've read The Monster At the End of This Book, yes? Basically, breaking the fourth wall is just another way (though not the only one) to work in audience participation. Audience participation is very compelling to audiences everywhere, but especially so to children. Children don't see why they should be patient and let the artform reveal itself before they start being entertained. And, for that matter, neither do I.

Readers, what other children's books can you think of that ask for audience participation?

How Successful Authors Think

The Children's Book Insider has a great feature article about the mindset of successful authors. (It's near the bottom of the page.) My thanks to Laura Backes for putting it so nicely!

Do You Need a T-Shirt? Yes, You Do.

This and many more are HERE.

It's Official!

Melinda Beavers wins! Congrats, Melinda!

Miss Snark had a vicious poodle, and I have an adorable paper-eating monster. (So I believe I win, too. Nyah, nyah.)

Thanks to Melinda, and also many sincere thanks to everyone who sent me a slush monster! And you seemed to have such fun doing it! I have awesome readers.

(Melinda, you mentioned on your blog that you weren't quite happy with him... email me ok?)

Waiting for a Bookseller to Read Your Book?

Here's the delay.

50 Ways to Leave your Agent

BookEnds has a great post about divorcing your agent—one that gives you an idea of how much work an agent does. Good reading for everyone.

And Nathan Bransford, who might run for blogger class president (he's so cute! and upbeat! if he wasn't so smart, I'd have to kill him!), has a very good post about how long it takes to sell a book. Yes, it's thaaaaaat looooooong.

Also, don't forget to vote below for the blog monster/mascot!

The History of Rejection

Rejection has been with us since our very beginnings; it could be termed an innate human quality. I think it's high time we embraced rejection, rather than, you know, rejecting it.

Scientists theorize that the very earliest communities of homo-sapiens were non-verbal*, but as social structures and patterns developed, the use of rocks, fallen branches, and other blunt objects as modes of communication became, understandably, marginalized. So came the need for a new form of rejection; one that could hurt but not injure another member of the community. Thus, language was born.

So it is probable that mankind's first real word, as with many toddlers, was "No!".

No plays an important part in all of human culture, and is to be found as a pivotal element in the oldest stories and religions. What were God's first and second interactions with Adam and Eve (not to mention several more thereafter)? To forbid, and to punish. Both are versions of the Eternal No.

Once you start looking for it, you'll realize that No is everywhere. The ten commandments are all versions of No, with the exception of the fourth and fifth (keep the sabbath; honor your parents), which, as two of the things people are most likely to want to say no to, represents an implied no as well (ie, God gets to say no, not you.)

But in this, as in publishing, no amount of No seems to have the desired effect. One imagines Jesus talking to the angels and saying, "What the hell is wrong with these people? We post the guidelines, but do they read them? And don't even talk to me about conferences. The last time I was down there, every blasted 'disciple' had to write a frickin' book about it, and most of it rhymed! Practically made my ears bleed. Ah, frick, and here's another prayer from Pat Robertson. I hate agents who want to talk about every last line of the contract."

* I'm totally making this up.

BookHabit Contest

BookHabit is running a contest for undiscovered authors, and the grand prize is $5,000 (USD).
The contest ends in May.
Minimum length for an entry is 50,000 words.

BookHabit is a new sort of internet service where authors can upload unpublished work and make it available for individual sale digitally. The website says:

"The price of a book starts at (USD) 2.50 and increases with its popularity, as indicated by the number of buyers. It is free for writers to post books on the site, and they receive 40% of the sale price – which compares well with the 5% to 12% writers receive on the shelf price of their books sold by retail book stores."

I have my doubts about how popular this sort of service may really be, but I'm curious to see how it does.

The contest looks like it's on the up-and-up to me, but you should be aware that you will not be paid for any downloads of your work until at least 20 downloads have been made. And of course you should read the terms and conditions for yourself.

Anyone going to give it a try?

Blog Mascot Finalists

Ok, so I've been procrastinating. And indecisive. I'm not proud of myself. But it was so hard to choose!
The final vote I leave to my readers. But I'll stop taking votes at the end of the day Monday. Or, you know, whenever I get around to it.

Work For Hire... Respect for Whom?

I have one picture book published with a medium-sized NY publisher, a handful of magazine sales (to well-known children's magazine), and do a lot of work-for-hire writing for packagers (such as licensed character books, novelty books, etc.). Some writers I know think trade editors look down on writers who do this type of WFH, and they go to some lengths to hide their WFH. (Using pen names, not mentioned it on their website or in cover letters, etc.) Others feel that WFH is a good thing and they're proud to mention it on their websites and in cover letters. I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

I know some WFH writers who don't want their names on the books because they're unhappy with the changes their editors made, but let's assume we're not talking about that.

I'm sure there are some editors who look down on WFH work. I would hope that it's not many—surely everyone knows Ann Martin wrote piles and piles of formulaic Babysitter's Club books before she went on to write Belle Teal, The Doll People, and A Corner of the Universe.

So while a solid history in WFH or series books doesn't necessarily say a great deal about your work's literary merit, it does say that you're someone who has proven you can work to deadline and provide workable text.

I would hope most editors consider WFH as journeyman's work: work which, for a number of authors, can be a meaningful apprenticeship in the trade.

All My Favorite People Are Smart Asses

101 Reasons to Stop Writing, which I've been enjoying for their monthly demotivators, has an interview with Lynn Viehl (who writes for adults, but nobody's perfect).

Sean Lindsay (the man behind the blog) is crusading to get more people to give up writing. Not to give away the ending, but Lynn doesn't do anything to further that cause. Still, everyone who's seen a slush pile appreciates your work, Sean. Here's hoping you keep up the good work, and Lynn keeps kicking ass so hard she needs new shoes.

A sample demotivator:

Books, Books, Books.

Apartment Therapy brings us the stairwell as bookshelf (Thanks to R N Bramwell for the link):

This is great fodder for my fantasy of an apartment where everything is bookshelves. I'll curl up in a bed igloo of books and on the bed, this quilt.

Publisher Rep Blogs: In-Office Signings, Repping to B&N

The Anonymous Publisher Rep answers questions from readers! More to come, he/she says. Just in case his/her identity is guessable, he/she has requested this disclaimer be included:

Disclaimer: I [the publisher rep] am not blogging on behalf of my company, nor any of its affiliates. All opinions stated in this post are mine and mine alone. Nothing posted here should be taken as a representation of my company's views, nor am I acting here as an affiliate of my company, should I inadvertently reveal its identity.

1) Will you further explain what you mean by "authors are a brand" but "books are product/art?"
Publishing is an industry that sells artists' output. Writers are the artists, books are their art. Some books might be akin to prints bought at the mall, some a Picasso, perhaps. But all books must be purchased, and purchased by readers who choose to buy one book over all others. A book is a product in this way – it is something a consumer must choose to buy (or borrow from the library, download to an eBook reader, etc.).

The author is the brand in that readers begin to recognize an author's name and will buy all their titles (or "products"). Readers initially pick up an author's book because it's in a genre they like – if they like the book, they'll want to buy the second book. That's why you see the same authors' names at the top of the bestseller list. You know what you're going to get when you see Stephen King's or James Paterson's name on a book. And who doubts that no matter what she publishes next, everyone will buy J.K. Rowling's next book?

2) What is an in-office signing? And again, is this something only done for lead titles? Who pays for the writer's transport there if the writer is not from NYC? Again, this is really for lead titles, correct?
An in-office signing is exactly what it sounds like: when an author signs books in the publisher's office. A few times a year, an author that lives locally (publishers have offices outside NYC) will come to the office and talk about his or her book and sign copies for employees. The company gives away these copies. Not everyone in my office is in my position of receiving nearly every book on our list for free, but I've purchased one book for myself in the past year: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (I've bought a few more as gifts). That is also the only book I've read not published by my publisher. How helpful is this information? I don't think I'm answering what you want me to here, but that's because I don't organize author tours – that's something a publicist does, and meeting the workers inside the publishing house is nice, but not terribly helpful to your book's sales. If you want to talk to people who both love books and can help it sell better, talk with your local booksellers and librarians.

3) You mention you are on the road a lot. To the Barnes & Noble headquarters or to INDIVIDUAL Barnes and Nobles?
A buyer at B&N's corporate headquarters makes buying decisions for all their chain locations. The people in the individual B&Ns get what the person in the headquarters decides they do. And different genres have different buyers. One person buys adult fiction, another buys, say, cookbooks. This is the same – though I'm simplifying – at the other big places. Sales people for the chains meet with the buyers.

Here's something important to understand: at a B&N or Borders, the person selling your book to the consumer probably did not make the decision to stock it. The booksellers on the floor at a chain store probably didn't have access to the advance copies or entirely free copies a buyer at a smaller store would. At an independent, you're more likely to buy a book from the person who decided to put it in the store. And advance reading copies (ARCs) are sent to the buyers, so an independent bookseller – who works alongside the buyer or is the handseller on the floor – is more likely to have read it. Plus, staff at an independent is usually smaller so each staff member has greater access to the arc's. All in all, the staff in a small store is more likely to read your book and handsell it, because it's easier for them to have read it. (But, they get a lot of books to read so that doesn't mean it's easier for them to read yours particularly.)

Oh, Wook at the Dawling Adults! Dey Think Dey're Writing for Children!

Beloved Uncle Al blogs about Hollywood writers turning to writing for children, you know, when they don't have anything better to do.

I especially liked point 5:

5.) Carefully read and consider the tone of the following quotes:
a.) "I'm a father of five and often lament the lack of really creative, funny children’s books.”
b.) “I’m finding that in good children’s books, the text isn’t just describing the picture but the two are working together to advance the storytelling.”
c.) “And, sometimes, there’s also a chance to make a political point.”

But I disagree that these three statements all say the same thing about the speaker. I would have interpreted them as meaning:
a.) I don't know a thing about the market!
b.) I don't know a thing about building picture books!
c.) I don't know a thing about children!

I'd like to point out to any Hollywood scriptwriters out there that having children does not mean that you understand them. It means you live with them. Any child could tell you this—they know that simply living with adults does not necessarily put you anywhere close to understanding how their wee little minds work. And I'll tell you, the wee little minds of some adults flummox me sometimes.

Book Buyer Blogs: Buying to Necessity

The Anonymous Book Buyer responds to some reader questions (and assures me she'll respond to more as time allows):

Maybe you can explain your job a little more? Some folks here are assuming you're the bookseller, but is that true? Or is it more like you represent the bookseller? Maybe it depends on the size of the bookseller's business...

Sure. It depends on the size of the store. In a big chain store, most of the buying might be done in a central office by people who never set foot in the shops. And in some very small independents, one person functions as the owner-manager-buyer. And there is every gradation in between. I am an in-store buyer for a very large independent, large enough that we have in-store buyers as well as a separate buying office. It is perfectly correct to call me a bookseller, though I very rarely have time to spend "on the floor" hand-selling to customers, which to me, is the fun stuff.

So what do I do? The buying office meets with reps and picks out all the new stuff that will come into the store. We go through the catalogues page by page, looking up numbers on a computer while the rep tells us details about the books we are looking at. Hopefully the rep has either brought or sent ahead samples, advance copies, etc, so we can get a good idea of what the stuff really is like. Being in a buying session can be a bit tedious or hilarious, depending on the rep, however OUR reps are almost uniformly excellent - they know their product lines inside and out, and they know us, too, so they are very able to advise us on which titles to watch out for.

I also restock books each day from publishers and wholesalers, place special orders for people, place event orders and do publisher and wholesaler returns. Oh, and answer the phone, help people in the store when they need, deal with hundreds of emails and packages and slips of paper that get put on my desk in a week, follow up and place angry phone calls to publishers when such-and-such hasn't arrived, buy consignment books from authors, book some events, work some events, re-do displays when they get messed up, crawl in and out of the store's display window, change the soap in the bathroom... and sometimes I even get to have lunch.

...do you think it is too late for publishers to put their foot down in regards to the power the chains have, both in the US and Canada over which books they will and will not take and why, and even to them having the say in book covers, colours etc? While I realize it would take publishers joining together in a ban on the big chains and millions lost by them, I feel that if the pubs would take such a stand and only supply to the indys for a short time, the big guns would perhaps back down somewhat and make life better for all of us.

I bemoan the fact that chain bookstores wield such tremendous influence. I wish that people would give me that kind of power! (insert maniacal laugh here...) Look at that question of yours again, and you'll see two little words that no publisher would ever want to hear: "millions lost." A general ban, or even censure, of big-box stores by publishers is NEVER gonna happen. And really, why should it? If you ran an ad agency, or a garden center, or any other kind of business, you'd probably give some perks to a million-dollar account that a thousand-dollar account wouldn't get. Them's the breaks. For my own part, I am much more concerned about chains and online retailers being able to drastically undercut our prices -- but that wasn't the question.

There also seems to be great deal of general confusion in the author community about big box stores "refusing to carry" certain titles. There is a big difference between "refusing to carry" a book and just not buying it. I don't buy lots of things, for lots of reasons. Maybe the author has historically bombed in my shop. Maybe it is a genre or type of book that has never done well for me. Maybe the cover is horrifically ugly, or the book itself is cheaply made or merchy. [EA inserts: "merchy" may be defined as "so decked out with non-book extras as to functionally be more toy than book; gimmicky"] The decision to buy or not buy is always based on what will do well in my store, and is never a personal attack on the author. I carry books by political figures that I wouldn't spit on... if the books sell. I hate to be blunt, but I haven't got a lot of room in my store. The books on my shelves aren't for decoration. Think of it this way: each book is renting shelf space. For a paperback, it is about 10 cents a day. For a hardcover, more like 25 cents a day . If they are not "turning" quickly enough to make the nut, I have no room for them. [EA inserts: "to make the nut" see definition 6.]

Boys Don't Cry

Or at least, they prefer writers who don't use the zoom lens when boys do cry.

This and other insights in a very good conversation about what makes a book attractive to boys, happening now at Through the Tollbooth.

Guest Blogger Free-for-All

I've invited Anonymous Publisher Rep and Anonymous Bookstore Buyer each to send me a guest blog post, and they (COUovereager foolsGH) have opened the door to my readers' questions. Go on, sic 'em.
Please remember to label your questions >to the rep<>to the buyer<.

This Is Just to Say

This is just to say
I haven't forgotten the suggestions
you made at new year's.
I haven't been able to give them as much thought
as I mean to, yet,
but they were good suggestions
so constructive and so interesting.
And you can be sure that
when the time is ripe
my answers will be both
sweet and cold.

Yours,
EA

What's Up with Blogger Spellcheck?

If you've noticed a sudden spike in the number of typos in this blog, it's because for the last few posts I haven't been able to use the spellcheck function. The button is still there, but nothing happens when I click it.
Anyone know what I should do?

Don't Spam Editors

The following is not a query; it is not a submission. And whatever the author thinks, it is not a marketing plan.
It is an email I received at my editorialanonymous account. And that makes it fair game for the blog. Let's dissect and discuss.

Email subject:
New children's book: Astro Socks - THE educational tool of the year‏
From: Leigh Le Creux
To: Editorial Anonymous

Don't make this claim if you have nothing to back it up. "Educational tool of the year"? According to what authority?

Begin message:
The Inspirational Book of the Year for Kids : Astro Socks

Wait, now it's the educational tool of the year and the inspirational book of the year? My bullshit meter is going crazy.
I know most of you wouldn't do this. But there is a wider lesson. It's easy for authors (who have spent years thinking about a book) to feel it has enormous range in terms of audience and use. Anyone working on marketing, however, has to focus on the audience and use that regular people (who have spent less than a minute thinking about the book) can be convinced of. Trying to convince people that you've got a book that does everything makes you sound like a snake-oil peddler.

Oviedo, FL, Feb 15, 2008 - If J.K. Rowling and Dave Pilkey combined their efforts, they may have come close to creating a book similar to Astro Socks. It is the educational tool of the year for parents and teachers, and kids love it.

Oh, where to start? Again with a the educational tool of the year thing. Can you tell I'm extremely skeptical? You've done nothing to make me believe you might be telling the truth. And setting your creation up as on par with J. K. Rowling and Dav Pilkey (congrats on spelling his name wrong, btw), just heightens the disbelief. Do. Not. Compare. Yourself. to Bestselling. Authors. It says you have very unrealistic expectations for your book and/or have only read the bestselling children's books, and so you essentially know nothing about the market.
I'd also like to point out that the title of your book is not one that is likely to elicit any consumer response other than: "What?"

"From the beginning of Astro Socks, my students and I were pulling for the main character, Chris. The author has an exceptional ability for using description to help the reader connect on an emotional level with her characters. My students were inspired by this child inventor, and were excited to create imaginative illustrations based on visualizations they had while reading the story. The number of classroom activities that could spiral from this book with my students are endless, thanks to the incredible creativity with which the story was written." Trisha Munroe, BEd, MEd

I see a fair number of authors in slush who have included testimonials from teachers and parents. Guess what? Teachers and parents know something about children, but they are entirely unreliable in terms of knowing what's well written and what will actually sell. Editors do not care what your friends and neighbors think.

This short fiction novel concentrates on a young boy who turns his dreams of becoming an inventor into a reality. Like all children, he has a vivid imagination. As he uses his imagination and visualizes, his ideas begin to take shape. The more excited he becomes, the faster his ideas begin to take shape. The main character encounters various hurdles along his adventure, but he discovers that anything is possible when you have faith, determination, and the love of your family. The illustrations throughout Astro Socks are an amazing testimonial to the book as they are a result of in-classroom projects. Students also reviewed the fiction.

Editors also see a consistent percentage of submissions that are illustrated by children. Because children are so precious and imaginative, right? The thing they're not, though, is artists. And books illustrated by children do not sell, because they're ugly. Parents think they're ugly. Teachers think they're ugly. And here's the news flash—children think they're ugly. Children wish they could draw better than they can. (And one day, if their creativity isn't squashed, they may learn to. In the meantime, however, their work is not fit for publication.)

"What I think is great is that a ten year old, a normal ten year old, all of a sudden turns into an inventor.NuPont doesn't care if he is ten or not! They accept him right away!" "Amanda", Grade Five Student

If there's anyone who knows more about children but less about what's well written and what will sell than parents and teachers, it's children. Editors really, really don't care what the few children you know think.

Educators must have this book on their reading lists, and in their classrooms. Parents and all book lovers enjoy reading it and learning at the same time.

"Educators must"? According to whom? You, the person selling the book? What a scam.
"All book lovers"? Are you telling me you've spoken to all book lovers to ascertain that they enjoy reading the book? WTF.

Connecting creativity and the imagination are in every line of this work. "Astro Socks inspires and connects the dots for successful kids, like the movie, The Secret, is known to do for adults", says Le Creux. "Faith, determination, and imagination are qualities all of us need to cultivate - especially in our children".

You're quoting yourself?! You have no shame!

About the book:
Astro Socks by Leigh Le Creux
ISBN: 978-0595463756
Publisher: iUniverse
Date of publish: Jan 2008
Pages: 90
S.R.P.:
$9.95

Dear readers, comments?

Why Are These Posts So Damn Short?

It's suddenly occurred to me that some of you may not be visiting The Longstockings, as unlikely as that seems. So you may not have realized that I sort of frittered away my blogging time this week on answering their interview questions. Evidently I was verbose enough to warrant three installments, which is embarrassing. And evidently I am, in fact, Teen Wolf. Or Lisa Graff. (Two possibilities I had not previously been aware of.) Good to know.

Sales Rep Love

This blog posting by a bookseller, about how publisher sales reps interact with bookstore buyers is priceless information. Read it, learn it, live it.

Vampires and French People Agree-- Communists Suck

Is your inbox tired and lifeless? Has it lost its bounce and lustre? If you've been distracted with work and some high-conversation posts, your inbox may have developed a dulling build-up of miscellaneous questions.

Do editors ever put non-agented (but contracted) authors on the back burner for agented ones?

Not unless the agent is doing a better job of prodding the editor than the unagented author. Both agented and unagented authors should have a failure-to-publish clause in their contracts, so if you've been waiting a long time, you may want to remind your editor (carefully, diplomatically) of the points agreed to in the contract.

I'm working on my first picture book.The books script is actually a poem I wrote to my Adult daughter before she left for her year in the Americorp. The book though is about Libraries and how, like roads, they take us everywhere and to everything in the world. They show us how ro fullill our dreams through the inspiration of other peoples stories I also wanted to add another dimension to the book and that is to hide a word several times in the illustrations with a number on each page to inform the reader how many times the word is hidden there. Like Schoenfeld did with his work. ( Sorry if I didn't get the name right). This would not be an emphisis of the book but something that would only be mentioned at the very end so people could go back and go over the illustrations..
This is a theme I'd like to run through all my picture books. What do you think? Too Much?

Unless you're the illustrator, you don't get to decide this. You can suggest it, but it isn't going to add a hook to the book, so don't be surprised if it's low priority for the other members of the team. Also, planning to feature this in all of your books is thinking a bit too far ahead. Focus on doing what's best for this book.

I have an offer for my multicultural picture book from a foreign publisher. At the same time, an editor at a publishing house in NYC is seriously considering it after requesting a revision, but I don't expect a decision for at least a few weeks and of course it could go either way. Is there a way that I can have the book published by both publishers by negotiating which rights they take? Or would the NYC publisher probably be reluctant to give up any rights? Should I inform the two publishers of the situation? I hate to lose either opportunity. Any advice would be appreciated.

The NY publisher is going to want foreign rights, no doubt. And having sold some of the rights away before the NY publisher even acquires the book is likely to irritate them. I would recommend not doing this. Instead, if they want the book, they'll be pleased to hear that you already have interest from a foreign publisher. And remember that the publisher may be able to get a better deal at a better Korean (for instance) publisher than you can.

After an agent or editor has rejected a submission (either personally or by form letter), when, if at all, is it appropriate to send another submission to that same agent/editor? Assuming that this person was selected because they represent work like yours (in style/tone/subject/etc.) and in general seem to be a good match, is it ok to try again with a different manuscript? Or is one rejection to be taken as an implicit never?

Don't be silly. A "no" is a "no" only for that manuscript.

So "Buy this book for a chance to win a free trip to paris!" is a gimmick and not a hook.

It's a gimmick, and it sounds like an effective one, so that makes it a hook.

"After she wins a free trip to Paris, Beth is lost in the famous Parisian sewers and meets a vampire who thinks that it's still 1848" --- hook?

Yes.

Special lazer-3D cover of a vampire in front of the Arch de Triumph surrounded by ghostly communists laying in pools of their own blood at the foot of a barricade -Gimmick and hook?

Gimmick, yes... but it's only a hook if the special laser-3D cover makes people buy the book.

Hi there!! LOVE your blog! I have a question...I am a new writer and I have had GREAT feedback on my stories. They are geared towards 2-5 year olds...short and sweet. I am not sure where to even start to submit. I have thought about self-publication but even then, where do I go and what do I do? There is so much information online and I just don't know where to start. I am sure you get many questions like this...I can tell you how much people in my situation must appreciate your answers!!!

Get Harold Underdown's book and Writer's and Illustrator's Market. And listen to the advice of my readers, who will post more tips in the comments section. They've been where you are.

I'm OK, You're OK, Venting Is OK

We're just using this forum to vent about a problem that is old news, yet still always a worry for all writers.

The publicists I've worked with have seemed great to me... but I hear you that that's not always the case.
As long as we all understand that harassing your publicist isn't going to influence her support of your book in any positive way, I would like to hear more, specifically, about what you feel is not getting done. Obviously I cannot change the industry, but if we can find some common ground, maybe there is some progress to be made.

The more comments the better, so pile it on!

My Book Is Out. How Can I Still Screw This Up?

You navigated all the work and worry and frustration of getting published; you avoided all the pitfalls and hurdles, the traps, mistakes, and numbskull moves, and you can't imagine how. You have a book in your hands and on the spine there's a real publisher's name!

But you're a self-defeatist, and dammit, you wanted to fail! So, you ask yourself, surely there's still some way I can f*** this up?

Yes, indeed there is. You already know how positively maddening it is to your publisher to receive several phone calls from you in a single month. So of course you'll be sure to call them with many questions, and phrase the questions so as to imply that your publicity person isn't doing her job well. Done and done.

But harassing publicity people fresh from sorority life until they cry may or may not torpedo your book. How can you really undermine things? Well, it may seem obvious, but your book will be selling in bookstores... unless you can prevent it!

While you may be tempted to simply try to hide copies of your book behind the shelves or scatter them in the toddler play area to let nature take its course, the really efficient tactic is to make the booksellers themselves hate your book.

This is much easier than you think. First you should come on all nice and eager-newbie-like and get the person in charge to take a copy of your book to review it. Booksellers are such patsies, they'll fall for this over and over again. They know they have far too many important running-the-bookstore tasks to realistically get your book read, but they'll promise they will anyway. Suckers.

Now's the fun part. Start calling that person every week or so asking if they've read the book yet. That's all. It's really that simple! Whereas waiting a couple of months before reminding them would inspire guilt and feelings of indebtedness, calling them almost immediately (and relentlessly thereafter) will take the bookseller directly to feelings of indignation, followed quickly by mounting irritation, disbelief, and actual rancor.

Cross that bookstore off your list. If they even stock the book, they'll do the hiding of it for you. Choose a good, connected bookseller, and you might be able to cross several bookstores off your list—and better yet, the bookseller will complain about you to your publicity and marketing departments!

When your publisher realizes you're making yourself unpleasant to everyone (not just to your publisher), they'll definitely write you off. No more promotion, actually irate booksellers, and really no chance of being published at that publisher again!

When you can't even find copies of your book on remainder tables because your publisher has sold them off as high-fiber livestock feed, you'll know you're a truly successful failure! Congratulations!

Hook vs Gimmick: the Death Match

The Cathy's Book approach: Gimmick?
Hugo Cabret: Hook?
(If my assumptions are correct, what's really the difference between using graphics in a novel and using interactivity in a novel, then? Neither has much to do with the core story. Is it just a matter of the value judgments concealed in hook vs. gimmick?)
Books written in IM: hook or gimmick?
Scratch n' sniff ERs: gimmick? or hook?
Googlie eyes, die cuts, etc: gimmick?
(I'd say so, but those googlie eye books sell enough to perhaps call that a hook?)
Urban vampire books: started out as hook, has turned into gimmick?

Ok, we already seem to have forgotten that effective gimmicks are hooks (though not all hooks are gimmicks). Please refer to the venn diagram. And if you'll refer to my definitions of "hook" and "gimmick", I think you'll see that there are no value judgements involved.

Cathy's Book: The text itself wasn't bad, but the extras, while fun, were an effective gimmick. (Which, once again, means they were also a hook.)

Hugo Cabret: The extraordinary visual storytelling is not a distraction from what the book is. It is part and parcel of what the book is. That means it is not a gimmick.

Vampire books: ditto. Either you want a vampire story or you don't. You aren't going to think "Ooo, vampires!" in the store and then get the book home and think, "Wait, there are vampires in this book! I didn't want a book with vampires!"

Books written in IM: Arguable. Some would argue that it's no different than traditional epistolary novels, which would make it no kind of hook (gimmick or otherwise). Others would argue that anything that makes a book unreadable does distract from what it is, so perhaps it could be a gimmick. Ok, now I'm just being mean.

Scratch and Sniff: gimmick.

Googly eyes: gimmick.

Die cuts: varies from book to book. The die cuts in First the Egg were not a gimmick. They were absolutely integral to the book. The die cuts in Penis Pokey... well, I'm hoping they're a gimmick. I guess it depends whether people are actually using them.

Ok, here's a fantastic example of a gimmick: the squishy, stretchable (surprisingly realistic-looking) plastic tongue in the cover of Chewy, Gooey, Rumble, Plop. Kids who are in no way interested in learning about the digestive system are going to beg for this book just for the tongue. They'll get it home and play with the toy parts and not read a word of it, and the parent who paid hard-earned money for it will be irritated. That's a gimmick. If you had a product that was solely a squishy, stretchable plastic tongue, then its appeal would not be a gimmick, because it wouldn't be distracting from anything else. Are we clear now?

A Couple More

From Raymond Nakamura:

Nice detail. Especially like the helpless editor in its hand.

From Leslie Muir:

Nice t-shirt. Like the crushed city behind.

The Slush Monster Is Here for Your Soul

Now THIS is going to haunt my dreams. I mean nightmares.

One More

From Elizabeth Dulemba: Oh, this is so charming. While obviously it doesn't embody any of the ways I feel about slush, I want to take it home and tickle its feet.

Hook vs Gimmick

So, suppose my agent tells me that a publisher is looking for easy readers with strong hooks, like "pirate mom" or "dancing dinosaurs." What's the difference between a hook and a gimmick?

Good question.


A hook is the reason a reader decides to buy (or read) a book.


A gimmick is an attention-getting element that does little more than get attention. It is a contrivance that seems to add value without actually adding value. It distracts the consumer from the question of whether she really wants the product in her hands.

So while there are many, many hooks that are not gimmicks, all gimmicks are meant to be a form of hook.

I don't think I agree that the subject of a book can be a gimmick. It's the subject. If you aren't interested in buying a book about pirate moms or ballet dinosaurs, you aren't going to be distracted from that lack of interest by the fact that the book is about pirate moms or ballet dinosaurs.

What your agent (and the publisher) want to remind you of is that the goal of any early reader is to be appealing enough to get a child (for whom reading is difficult) to read it. That means it needs a hook that is not

1. great writing (because they can't discern great writing yet)
2. sparkly covers or novelty elements (because early readers are low budget) or
3. name recognition (because they do not recognize author names yet)

...and that leaves you with topic. You have to give them topics they know they want: dinosaurs, sports, ballet, pirates, superheroes, goofy jokes and puns, etc etc.

A Couple More

From Jimmer:

This slush has two cups of coffee, wears glasses, and isn't in a very good mood. In fact I don't think this is slush at all. Looks more like an editor.

From Eric Hammond:

Voila, the not-terribly-rancorous monster I mentioned before.

From Roz Fulcher:

Another editor. I wish I had those fangs.

I'm no closer to a decision, but I'm loving this!

How Awesome Are My Readers?

Finally had the chance to post all the Slush Monsters sent in by readers. Check it out!

From Andy J Smith:
Energetic. I think I prefer the angry monster to the one that looks like an eager dog... though I suppose slush bears a resemblance to both. Gotta have the tail, I think.

From David Huyck: one I can't seem to paste in.

Great texture. This monster seems less slushy than "aww", though. I was hoping for one that embodied editors' frustration, amusement, and terror. This one's just so sympathetic.

From Gin:

Friendly. I might almost say... hobbitty. He looks like he likes his elevenses. Doesn't look like the kind of monster who could scare an editor, though. ;)


From Elizabeth Dulemba:

Slush as the monster that comes to your tea party and eats the cups. I do find myself identifying with the little girl.

From Kristi Valiant:

Kinda creepy. But true slush doesn't sneak up on you. It accidentally crushes the life out of you without realizing it.

From Adrian Croft:

That is some dippy slush. I like the lost tourist thing. Wish he looked hungrier for his destination, though.

From Christine Tripp:

Definitely hungrier, heehee. But the slush monster I live with is hungry for publishing offices rather than paper. I guess that's why I saw him as city-sized.

From Casey G:

Nice vivacity. Still, if I heard that this monster was looking for me, I would assume it wanted a tummy rub rather than my life force.

From Carly Schuna's brother, who goes by 'olie' on Threadless.com:

Nice. Appealingly brainless looking. Still, not quite threatening enough.


Eric Hammond (for whom I cannot find a link) sent me a nice b&w monster who was vaguely reminiscent of the rancor monster in Star Wars (if a bit less, you know, rancorous). Alas, it was a PDF and my computer is fighting me about converting it to something I could post here. Nice work, though.

Blog Mascot

One of the new year's suggestions was that this blog should adopt a mascot. As a fan of the vicious poodle of Snark, the idea appeals to me.

Unfortunately, I have no artistic ability. If anyone feels like making me one, here's what I'd like: a godzilla-type monster named "slush" looking a bit dull-witted. I'm particularly fond of this cutie from threadless.com, but alas, he seems to know where he's going.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret Wins the Caldecott!!

I, like many other people, was biting my nails. If you use the strictest interpretation of the Newbery and Caldecott terms and criteria, it's possible to argue that Hugo Cabret, which relies equally on its art and text to tell its story, might not be eligible for either award. (The horror. How could it not be considered for one or the other?)

Well, the Caldecott committee (and I agree that it's a better fit for the Caldecott than the Newbery) came through. You all rock.

Congratulations, Brian!

Here's where you can find most of the awards.

Quick Reference

I hope some of you will appreciate the fact that I've gone back through the archives and standardised the labelling of this blog's posts. In the column to your right you'll see them under "quick reference."
Enjoy.

Pigeon, Meet Hole. (except no, not really)

A writer friend of mine commented to me once that after the sale of your first work, publishers will expect you to stay in that genre – if your first is a YA those that follow should be YA. I’m currently sending my YA novel to publishers and an agent or two. (Will be my first once sold.) Everything else I’ve written is MG. Is my friend right? Will I have a hard time selling my MGs if I sell a YA first?

Some of the best idea people work in more than one genre and age group, and publishers know this. M T Anderson, Adam Rex, Rosemary Wells, Ann Martin, Jaqueline Woodson, Dav Pilkey, Kevin Henkes, Brian Selznick, sheesh, the list goes on.

You may have sold your YA novel to a publisher imprint (or editor) who really only does YA. In which case you'll have to send your middle grades somewhere else. But real artists cannot paint themselves into a corner. For real artists, there are no corners.

The Yellow Brick Blank Wall of Despair

Dear Editor, Do you review submissions via this blog? I have self-published (yes – self published) a children’s book. Local children have great things to say about it and I think it would be a commercial success if given the opportunity.

No, I don't. I get enough of that at work to want to do more in my spare time.

Local children (not to mention children not at all local) do not have a great deal of money to spend on books. Moreover, children always have nice things to say about books they've been specially read aloud or have authors who made a special trip to see these children. Does this sound like what's happened in your case? If so, you can reliably discount anything the children have said to you.

And in terms of its being a commercial success if given the opportunity: alas, I think there are many people who feel this way about their self-published book. But the opportunity you're hoping for—the one that would get the book in front of lots of people—is called being published by a publisher with a marketing department.

Either you've
(a) decided to forego that option or
(b) didn't try hard enough to get it published at a normal publisher (and by hard enough, I mean sending it to everyone it could work for) or
(c) looked at an enormous pile of rejection letters and decided it couldn't possibly mean that your manuscript would not, in fact, be a commercial success if given the chance.

I don't want to jump to conclusions; I don't know you or your book. But in my experience, the people at publishers know a hell of a lot more about what makes a commercial success than writers do. And we're looking for those books.
In the case of any one manuscript, the person who sees the manuscript at a particular publisher could reject it mistakenly or short-sightedly, but if absolutely no one wants to publish it, I would take that as a Sign of some kind.

You've embarked down a path that for most people goes nowhere. I hope you've brought along a grappling hook or something.