Query 13: Sold!

Dear Agent/Editor/Editorial Asstant/Lowly Reader:
I want to thank you for the opportunity to query you. I’ve been striking out in the publishing game for eons, and here I am three books into it, and still no bite. It’s hard on me, as I’m sure it’s hard on you, receiving letter after letter after letter. This is probably your hundredth one today. I’m sorry! I’ll try to make it worth your while.
So. The novel. The Misadventures of Adventurous Children. It’s a 78,000 mid grade paranormal soon-to-be-classic. There’s love. There’s adventure. And there’s a purple-tailed, snarky raccoon searching for a lime flavored popsicle. What’s not to love? I can send it to you as soon as it’s finished. My work has been featured on many blogs, including: my own, my family’s, and in the comments section of many well-known authors. I’ve also sent my work into some big name publishers. No word yet. I’ll call you if I hear anything. I chose to query you because you are in the publishing business, and I’m hoping you can get me in that business, too. Please? Kidding! No, really, I could use some love. Thank you for your time and dedication. You really are a lovely person. Unless you reject me, in which case, I’LL MAKE YOU PAY! Ha! That was another joke. Kind of. Cheerio! A writer

Query 12: Tune In Next Time for "All's Fairy in Love and War," or "You Can Pick Your Friends, But You Can't Pixie Your Family"

Nine-year-old Chloe catches more than she bargains for in the Catch-'Em-Alive trap under her bed. That weird buzzing sound isn't a mouse, it's a pixie… a really, really ticked off pixie with a black t-shirt, teeny tiny work boots and a crappy attitude.

Goofy. Sounds like there's a sense of humor. Hmm. Could work.

Chloe imagines the fun of having her own pet pixie, but this one has her own agenda. In her usually snarky and often bewildering way, she cajoles Chloe, against the girl's better judgment, into a bit of sneaking, a lot of lying, and the eventual rescue of a gaggle of baby pixies that Chloe's mom had accidentally thrown away with the yard trash.

There isn’t enough snark in kids’ books. I'm ... curious.

It doesn't help, of course, that the pixie (who refuses to tell Chloe her name) sounds like a cross between Yoda and Natasha from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

“Natasha” reference is unusual and amusing. Points.

"Chloe's Catch" is a 16,000-word story for readers making the transition from chapter books to novels: a "my first urban fantasy" for readers not yet ready for [insert title of publisher's comparable MG or YA urban fantasy]. I see that you're interested in assertive female characters [replace with appropriate phrase tailored to the particular publisher], so I hope you'll enjoy Chloe and her pixie. Chloe is more [insert comparable character from publisher's novels] than [another character], and the pixie is… well, the pixie is just pretty much herself.
Highlights, Cricket and Our Little Friend have accepted several of my short stories for publication.

I'm a bit hesitant about this query. We have enough allusion to the humor in the manuscript to know it's meant to be funny. Why, then, was none of the actual humor of the manuscript included here? If you can make me laugh, do.

Query 11: You're Not Fooling Me, Cause I Can See the Way You Shake and Shiver

I am currently seeking representation for Screw-Up Summer, a middle grade novel of 32,0000 words. Something about the agent here. Well, what would you do if your parents dumped you in some old summer camp while they went hiking in Nepal? Ginger Patterson tries to make friends, really she does, but the mean girls in her cabin won’t give her a chance.

That sounds familiar. What makes this different from all the other times we've seen "the mean girls"?

She even tries to keep her big mouth shut, but Molly and the Tee Hee Twins press her buttons too hard. Ginger burps out a string of boastful lies

Burps? You don't mean literally?

and ends up with only one friend —shy Diana, the only camper more unpopular than she is.

Again, sounds familiar. The outcast is befriended by the shy girl. Is this meant to be a send-up of the genre?

Irritated by Ginger’s antics like overturning a canoe and messing up a baseball game, Camp Sequoia kicks her out, calling her eccentric Aunt Sylvan to come get her. Sylvan takes Ginger to Hollywood. The place is a blast except Ginger keeps obsessing about her friend Diana who can’t be found.

What? Did Diana follow Ginger to Hollywood? I hope your manuscript doesn't have sentences like that last one.

Discovering that Diana is mega-rich hooks Ginger into believing someone’s kidnapped the shy girl.

Why? Oh, you mean no one could find Diana, and it’s a mystery? That was not clear. And suddenly Diana’s rich and kidnapped? Feels contrived.

She’s turning up clues when her terrible big mouth gets her into more trouble. This time Ginger’s exiled to a mobile home in Lake Elsinore with her senile grandmother and a caretaker. Bored and lonely, Ginger investigates an abandoned mansion Diana mentioned. If only she can rescue her billionaire friend, she’ll be a heroine. That will show the whole world that Ginger Patterson is not a screw-up. Through a series of zany misadventures, this sassy but good-hearted girl finally learns to value friendship more than fame.

Another change of scene, and the mystery of the billionaire camper continues to follow Ginger? My suspension of disbelief is seriously strained at this point.
I'm going to take a guess and say that at the end, the kidnappers who have been haunting the abandoned mansion with the use of phosphorescent paint turn out to be the mean girls from camp wearing werewolf masks, and as they’re led away by the police, they say: “And we would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you pesky kids and your dog!”

A Short Interlude

Some people are very nice. They become kindergarten teachers.
Some people are very snarky. They become movie critics.
Some people are very nice and very snarky. They have to work hard to balance these two sides of their personalities, and eventually become children's book editors.

Certain impressions aside, I do not actually want to hurt people's feelings, and I had hoped that I'd given enough warning about what kind of comments were to be offered in this contest.

It seems to me that there's a great deal of mystery around editors—what happens at our desks, in our meeting rooms, and in our heads. The pain and trouble of writing query letters is that you are trying to write for an audience you do not know.

Thus, this window into my actual reactions as I read these query letters. This is meant to show

• how editors extrapolate from the writing in the query letter to the writing they may find in the manuscript.
• how editors may react to various aspects of your plot / summary.

Most of the things I am responding to negatively (whether mildly or strongly) are things that may in fact make perfect sense (both logical and emotional) in the context of your manuscript, and I know this. What I hope to get across is when you are not offering the reader of your query letter the context they need to see your manuscript for what it is.

This is not an opportunity for me to bash strangers. I can do as much of that as I like at work (and whatever you may think, I don't do much of it. It's a waste of time). This is an opportunity to fine tune your understanding of what assumptions readers might make based on your letter, and to fiddle with your letter so that they make the right ones.

It is a fact of life that editors are both loving and judgemental—we must be able to guess what book reviewers will criticize, as well as what children will love. Your editor will try to show you her judgemental side gently, but don't make the mistake of wanting an editor without one. Your writing is worth more than that.

Query 10: Thar She Blows

A sudden gust of wind almost knocked me down as I climbed over the basket's side. It pushed my breath back into my throat then hurled itself against the ship's sails. It flew to the top of the mast and tugged at the flag then dived toward the water and danced with the waves. The ship rocked beneath my feet like a giant seesaw, and a flash of lightening blinded me.

That is some busy wind, huh? Knocked, pushed, hurled, flew, tugged, dived, danced? And one after another, as though it can’t do them all at once, and as though the main character could actually see the wind flying, diving, or dancing. And as though we care about the fricking wind. I’m done reading.

"Ahoy, mateys and shiver me timbers!" I shouted above the roar of the wind. "Thar's a storm a-brewin'! Batten down the hatches!"

Damn it, why did I read more? I’m really stopping now.

I squeezed my eyes shut as a gigantic wave crashed over the bow, splashed my face and .....
I was back.
The door at the top of the stairs was open.
Water was dripping from my hair into my eyes, and my little brother was laughing.
"Zach!" I yelled. "The water guns are supposed to stay outside!" I climbed out and stomped up the stairs to find a towel. Pests - that's what little brothers are. Nothing but pests.
Dear Editor,
What do you get when you take a laundry basket and an imaginative child then throw a pesky little brother into the mix? After the initial adventure that I shared above, the story goes on to explore just that question. The older child would say that all you get is shattered adventures and a lot of frustration – every single time. But little brother Zach would disagree. True, his water gun, rubber snake, whistle, and blanket bring the adventures to an abrupt end. But that’s not what he wants; he’s simply trying to join in the fun. Will Zach ever be successful in his quest? He’s beginning to wonder. After reading many of the picture books your company offers, I think my 950-word story about Zach and his older sibling would fit in well with your list. May I share it with you? Thanks for your time and consideration of my request.

Query 9: Misplaced Bodies, Ideas, and Punctuation

The girl of his dreams plants one on Joe Payne’s lips right in the middle of science lab, but it’s the nightmarish girl with the freakish facial piercings, Joe can’t get out of his head.

Here is what is known as a teaser sentence. This sort of beginning can be effective. But no matter what your beginning, make sure it is correctly punctuated and does not rely on adjectives. Please remove that second comma and either “nightmarish” or “freakish” (and then consider whether both of these words is really the one you want). Note that your audience may wonder why the girl he can’t get out of his head doesn’t qualify as the girl of his dreams.

With just a couple of weeks until his 15th birthday, Joe knows he should be concentrating on finals and on the fact that his very together family is falling apart, but the outrageously quirky Lucy is coming to him for help. I’d like to offer for your review: DEATH IN THE FAMILY, a 45,000 word novel for a young adult reader. With less than 72 hours notice, Joe’s dad is shipped off to Iraq, leaving Joe and his older brother to help their mom run the family’s funeral home.

OK, that’s it. Do not mistake a teaser sentence for a style of writing. Your first, second, third, and fourth sentences do not naturally link to each other. God help you if your whole manuscript is like this.
You sound like you have an interesting premise, but it would take a more cohesive writing style to get me to request the manuscript.

Well, unless you count Grandpa and crazy Clarence who keep misplacing bodies. Joe’s worried about his dad, but his best friend and his brother maintain the best way for Joe to keep his mind off his father is with a female diversion. They’re pushing hard for the pretty and popular Jillian: The obvious choice. Yet this is the beginning of a summer when not everything’s so clear to Joe. Lucy’s about to bury her mother and turning to Joe for comfort, but the girl who’s always in trouble is definitely not on older brother, Drew’s list of acceptable girlfriends. Joe needs to decide whether to follow Drew’s surefire formula for his first real relationship or follow his heart.

Query 8: Reservations

I see that _____ is seeking lively stories for ages eight through twelve and chapter books for ages six through nine.

Then are you querying two manuscripts? Or do you think that they’re the same thing? Clearly the publisher doesn’t.

In RIDERS ON THE REZ , a 5700 word character-driven chapter book, the skateboarding hero, Billy Tsosie, is meeting his Navajo relatives for the first time. Before his trip is over, he has a fight, makes a friend, and learns to ride a horse. Most importantly, he learns what it means to walk the Beauty Way.

Wow, four things that mean nothing to me. If you’re going to leave out this much description, you might as well just say “before his trip is over, stuff happens.” What makes these events meaningful?

This story compliments the third grade social studies curriculum in most Western states.

Third grade? When they do the history of the city they’re living in? Which states are you talking about? Remember that California and New England are the biggest book-buying areas, so their curriculums should be given some weight.

I have been published in academic journals, papers, and industry magazines on topics that would put the average reader to sleep.

Was one of the topics “self-deprecating admissions you shouldn’t share when introducing yourself”?

I have only recently started writing for children. In addition to this manuscript, I have completed a three-book picture story series of children’s encounters with creepy critters. In each case the MC learns some real-world facts that help them to overcome their fears.

Why are you mentioning this here? If you happened to be querying those, which of course you’re not, I sure hope you’d make it clear what “picture story” and “critters” mean in this context.

I anticipate returning to Billie Tsosie some time this year, and writing a sequel to his story for this same reader level.

Thanks for letting me know. As I haven’t any idea whether I’ll like the first one, though, I don’t know why I should care.

I hope you like his first story enough to request a full. I would be delighted to send it to you either by e-mail or snail mail.

I'm unconvinced there's anything here I want to read. More detail about the story and less about your other pursuits might help.

Query 7: Can You Spare Some Brains?

To ensure her king's throne, Gina must trust a traitor.

Good first sentence.

She faces this quandary in GOOD NIGHT, ODILE, a 65,000 word upper-YA fantasy that will appeal to fans of THE ILLUSIONIST and Tamora Pierce's early quartets.

Conceivably achievable comparisons.

Nineteen-year-old Gina is renowned as a powerful sorceress and a promising justice keeper. It falls to her to swiftly stop a rebellion.

Just a little more background here, please.

She enlists the assistance of Sam, a sorcerer destined for a traitor's execution. Bound by magic and law, Gina abhors Sam's crimes, but must see beyond his failings to work with him. Their uneasy alliance forged, the traitor and his keeper invade the rebellion's fortress.

Interesting dynamic. But overly arch phrasing.

Their assault is meeting with success until Sam betrays his word and turns on Gina,

Who would have seen that coming?

breaking her spine and rendering her body useless.

I didn’t see that coming. The main character’s now a quadriplegic? I don’t suppose this fantasy land has electric wheelchairs?

He has fought for the rebellion all along. Intent on serving justice to the traitor, Gina becomes one with her power to slip into his soul.

What? I hope this sounds less invasion-of-the-body-snatchers in your manuscript. Your heroic main character is leaving her own body to slip inside other people’s bodies? Creepy.

There she discovers her mistake in judging him: magical threads surround Sam's soul, trapping the true Sam in a web of servitude.

Oh, for f***’s sake.

If she can free his soul, Gina both rights her mistake and cripples the rebellion. She weaves her power between the binding threads and shreds them, but Sam grows weaker with every cut. Gina herself is slipping away to the immortal realm, but she must free Sam in time or his death will leave the rebellion unimpeded, and this time, she won't be alive to challenge it.

So they both die? I guess there won’t be a sequel.

I am currently working on the sequel to GOOD NIGHT, ODILE

But your main characters are dead. Do they re-inhabit their dead bodies and go on a zombie killing spree? Which side of the rebellion are zombies on?

and a YA contemporary novel. The complete manuscript of GOOD NIGHT, ODILE is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query 6: Death Comes for the Pooka

Since you represent such authors as --- and ---, you might be interested in my young adult urban fantasy novel OTHER.

Sometimes being half-pooka really sucks.

Pooka? The hell’s a pooka? Is it like a tribble?

Sure, it’s incredibly cool to shapeshift into a horse, an owl, and every other animal you can think of, but seventeen-year-old Gwen has to hide her talent. Her neighbors would freak if they knew.

That seems too obvious to mention.

Others remain a persecuted minority in America, considered deviant, infected, satanic, or all of the above.

Oh, like the xmen. Introduce the idea that there’s a secretive pooka sub-class of society earlier to avoid confusion.

Gwen hasn’t even told her boyfriend yet, and she really should, especially since they’re talking about going all the way.

Why, is there some danger of her turning into an animal while in the act? Some guys are into that, you know.

She’s also trying to stop ogling this cute new guy who seems really foxy. As in fox-spirit. He’s got to be a closet Other.

I’m trying to stop picturing pooka sex.
Thinking about doing her boyfriend while she crushes on someone else is going to translate to most readers as “slut”. Not a sympathetic characteristic.

Boy problems take a backseat when the murders start. Gwen finds the bodies of a watersprite couple, a little old man nobody knew was a leprechaun, then a dryad who was her best friend.

Holy crap, it’s a fairy land cornucopia.

All the clues point toward human hatred. The police look the other way, so it’s up to Gwen to find the killer before the killer finds her. Who can she trust? Is her semi-normal life history?

You need to get to the mystery part sooner in this summary. And I hope you’re getting to it sooner in your manuscript—like, the end of chapter 1 or the beginning of chapter 2. Don’t screw with people about what genre they’re reading.
I might actually get into this manuscript if it’s done with a sense of humor—I mean, this is absurd. But it could be a jasper-fforde-for-kids kind of absurd. It doesn’t sound like that’s where you’re going, though.

Complete at about 64,000 words, OTHER is written in first person, present tense. The story contains death, sex, and profanity, but none of it is gratuitous or excessively graphic.
My articles on writing appear in --- and ---. I am studying literature and writing at the --- College. Would you like to read OTHER? Thank you for your time.

Query 5: Too Confusing

Barbaric rituals. An unintelligible language. Foreign customs. The blue diamonds engraved on the back of Eliinka's hands are a visual reminder of her promises.

Boy, those blue diamonds are sure conveying a lot. Her promises include barbaric rituals, an unintelligible language, etc?

Eliinka is torn by her desires and the demands of the queen she has sworn to serve. She must find a way to use her musical powers (that she wishes to keep hidden) to bring peace between her adopted land and the land of her birth. Can she do so without sacrificing her friends, her arranged marriage, her music?

She doesn’t want to sacrifice her arranged marriage?

Will her desire to develop her musical abilities change her into the type of person she most fears?

Here’s a question that’s hard to follow. How the hell are musical abilities likely to change anyone into anything people fear? Augh, the terror of the rogue bassoonist! Watch out! That man has a tuba!

I believe readers of Megan Whalen Turner and Shannon Hale will enjoy Eliinka's cultural struggles in this young adult fantasy. My experiences of living in Brazil, Finland and Iceland bring a unique perspective to this book and allow for realistic culture shock scenarios.

Really? Why? You haven’t provided any support for this.

Query 4: The Reader Ducks

People have been vanishing from Laura's school at an alarming rate --and once they vanish, everyone seems to forget they existed at all. Only Laura's brother seems to be immune to this effect, so when he tells her about the black doors people have been vanishing through, she just assumes he's crazy. Until, of course, she gets sucked into one herself.

So far so good.

On the other side, she finds herself trapped in a Sanctuary between two worlds, created for training people with a special gift: the ability to change reality.

Sounds weird. And I think I see a moral coming.

Supposedly she's one of them, an anchor.

A what?

But she doesn't have the powers, she doesn't have a true name,

A what?

and she does have a brother who's out to destroy the place. And what about Sharlinya, from the other world, who's anxious to break down the Sanctuary from within? If Laura can't figure out what to do, reality is going to start shattering.

This is too abstract a problem. Reality shattering? Give me some examples.

Anchors of Reality is a 30,000-word middle grade fantasy which would appeal to fans of Patricia C. Wrede, Diana Wynne Jones, and Madeline L'Engle.

Says you. As much as I like all of these authors, L’Engle is in a different league from Wrede and Jones. Comparing yourself to the greats is likely to be met with skepticism.

I've had four short stories published: two in Spellbound, one in The Leading Edge, and one in Beyond Centauri. I won second place in the Vera Hinckley Mayhew Short Story Competition for another short story in 2003. I also write and draw an online comic strip at [website], which averages around 200 hits per day and has a readership in the thousands. I've included a synopsis of Anchors of Reality here. Please let me know if you'd like to see the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

I'm getting a faintly funny vibe off of this letter, between "Sharlinya" and the use of what is usually an unstated, behind-the-narrative construct (ie, 'you, too, can change reality') as an overt plot device. The problem with putting your story in the same place as your moral is that people will see the moral coming and avoid it. Let's say you want to hit people with a big mallet. Do you point to the mallet and say "Look right here," and then try to whack them? No, of course not; they'll duck. You say "Look over there!" and then wallop them while their heads are turned.

(just to let you know we're not done)

I've made some progress through the queries. (Much food for snark.) But it's been a heck of a day and I'm going to bed, so no more posting right now.

Query 3: No, Not Bad Enough

I thought I'd enter the worst query part of the contest. Unfortunately, since I've read the slush pile for a children's book publisher, I know this query is possible. Happy reading and thanks for the contest!
Dear Editor, I have a young adult fantasy novel that I’d love to be able to send you. I read your blog all the time and I think we’d get along just swell. BEWARE OF LEPRECHAUNS YOU MEET AT MIDNIGHT is about homicidal leprechauns, sex deprived trolls, and a human girl that’s out to rule the world. With the success of Artemis Fowl in the middle grade category, I figure fans of those novels will want to keep reading about fairies and leprechauns when they get older, only I’ve made it edgy for the young adult audience. If you are interested, I can send you my novel. It’s beautifully bound and printed on both sides (just like a real book) and I’ve found really neat clip art for the cover and interior art. Of course, I can send the manuscript double spaced, printed on one side only, and unbound, if you’d rather read it that way (although I’m not sure why you would want to). By the way, just like Artemis Fowl, this first book is just an introduction to the wonderful world of leprechauns at night. I’m planning twelve books total in the series and I know that they will all be bestsellers. I can’t wait to send you my book – I know you’ll love it! Sincerely … A YA writer with her hand on the pulse of the industry.

This is unrealistic enough to have come from slush, but not badly-written enough. Disqualified.

Query 2: Eeeewwwwwwww.

To Editor, Hi. I have an idea for a story. I'd like to see it published. I could then tell people and myself I am a published writer.The name of it is "Teddybears Boudoir". It will tell the story of a teddybear and a unicorn. They fall in love, in the boudoir, and end up creating the first hybrid "Teddycorn". Book two would be about baby "Teddycorn" growing up and finding out he can't reproduce. Kinda like a mule. If you want to publish my books I will write them for you. A. Moron

This, this is the horror of slush.

Query 1: Do Not Include Gifts Better Than Your Query

Dear Manuscript submissions reader: Enclosed is my 5555 word picturebook ms. I have included some samples of my sisters' scribblings that Iassure you will sparkle up the words emensely to your satisfaction. Mychildren all love this story and keep asking when it will be a realbook. I even had my cat walk over the pages to insure successs. (I'vebeen told that is lucky.)

Sincerely yours, Hopeful Writer

p.s. enclosed is Godiva chocolate and a coupon to a nearby pizza place run by my pal Patrick.

Dear Author,
We read your submission with interest. We found its variety in tone appetizing and the overall texture very palatable, but upon further consideration felt it was perhaps not as weighty as it might have been. If you’d like to resubmit, may we suggest the 36-piece assortment?

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Stop Obsessing Over Your Query Letters

It's the Best/Worst Query Contest.

Enter the contest by sending me your query. I'll choose bests and worsts, so only those with thick skin, thick egos, or deliberately bad entries should submit. I'm likely to skip the truly ridiculous ones, though, unless they seem like good examples of the insanity I actually see. This is meant as a learning exercise, after all. A snarky, sarcastic learning exercise.

Contest closes by the end of the day Monday.

Because Just Getting Published Isn't Hard Enough

A new yet well-known teen author said she believes teen books should be 200 pages. I have written a teen book of one hundred pages.

Let's start here. How are you counting pages? Page count varies greatly depending on the type used, the size of the type, the size of the pages, and the width of the margins, all of which are decided upon by the publisher. This is why most people speak in terms of word count.

It is meant for early teens -- ages 10-14 -- but has all the teen themes, such as first sex, gossip, alcohol consumption, parties.

You're writing about sex, booze, and parties but at a middle school reading level? That's... gutsy.

Currently, I have a ten year old and thirteen year old reading my book, which I believe to be the "true test."

No, it's not. Whether they like it or hate it, it's not. People who use their own kids as guinea pigs (or other kids they happen to know) are forgetting that the small pool of children available to them are not amalgamations of the tastes, attitudes, and interests of the teen-book-buying public. Individuals are individual. This is a meaningless test.

I understand series type books, such as the Unfabulous series, are considered "teen."

By whom? Certainly not the publisher, who lists them as ages 9-12. Don't be fooled by these books being labelled "TEENick"—Nickelodeon knows exactly what it's doing when it packages inoffensive pap for non-teenagers as "teen": they're playing to the wannabe crowd.

Also, unless your manuscript is a derivative of a popular TV show, do not use other TV-inspired books as comparison. Those books are short and meaningless because entertainment companies don't want children to be so busy or absorbed that they forget to watch the next lobotomizing episode.

My question is: Can an early teen book like mine be considered seriously by editors / publishers / agents if it is 100 pages?

Ok, for the purposes of this discussion, let's assume you've somehow intuited the page count your book would have if a publisher decided to publish it. The answer is yes. But it's uncommon, so there ought to be something about the manuscript that really makes it shine. Like the writing, for instance.

Short Answers

I'm addressing my backlog (mea culpa!).

When a house defines themselves as being "communal," how many in the group need to like it before an acquisition is made? What if three editors love it and two hate it, or vice versa? Do they flip a coin, duke it out, or is there a "head editor" who gets the final vote? Thanks!

No idea. Which publisher is this?

One of the discussions in my critique group this morning dealt with listing magazine publication credits in a book query letter. I’ve read in certain blogs that you need to put in enough information for the editor/agent to be able to verify that these are real credits. Another member of the group felt that was unprofessional and that listing the magazine names was sufficient. How much information would you like to see in a query? If the magazine is well known, is the name enough?

I'd like to know the magazine, the name of the piece, and the year. That should enable me to check on it if I'm so inclined, but is not so much information that you'll bore me.

How do editors really feel about the Rutgers One-On-One Conference? Does it carry more weight than other conferences, since the attendees are accepted based on the strength of their writing samples?

I love this idea. I was at a conference recently and was subjected to the most awful drivel from a particular writer... so this promises less pain. But I don't know what you mean by "carry more weight". There are different reasons to attend conferences. Scenic locales, for instance. The whole "I might find something to acquire" rationale, while it's what we tell our bosses, is kind of low on the list. Realistically, while it would be great, it's not that likely.

I've got a question for your blog, one that has perplexed me for quite a while. I've been sitting on a chapter book series for 6-9 year old girls since 2003. It was snatched up by a children's acquisitions editor at a Christian writer's conference. Other editors I met there also asked me to email them the manuscripts. Within a year, I had a contract for 4 books and an advance from the first publishing house. I was excited...until a year later when my contract was canceled because the publishing house was restructured after my editor left. The letter assured me that the decision came down to the bottom line, not quality of my work. I've since sent my proposal to dozens of agents. I keep getting the same answer -- "great proposal" or "great manuscript" but "publishing houses aren't taking risks" or "I've decided to stop representing children's fiction" etc. I've been scouring the websites of publishers and agents and keep finding the dreaded words "we do not accept children's books" or "picture books only." It seems that YA fiction is welcome in many places, and so I'm wondering if I should go back to the drawing board with an older protagonist. Have you noticed this same trend of chapter books becoming less popular? Or would you know if it's only in the Christian publishing world that this is happening?

I don't know anything about Christian publishing. Obviously there are trade publishers who are still publishing for this age group. I'd suggest going to your local bookstore and asking what's cool and brand new in that age bracket. Also, don't try to write YA just because it's selling. Write YA because you remember being a teenager and really want to say something to teenagers.

If an editor loves a manuscript enough to bring it to an editorial meeting to share with colleagues, what is the usual protocol? Do most of these manuscripts move on to the acquisitions phase?

Depends on the house. At some houses, an editorial meeting is a place for decisions, and at some it's just a place for feedback. I'd say over half of the projects brought to the acquisitions meeting get acquired. Feedback is what we look for when we're not quite sure about a manuscript, so the stuff we ask for feedback about often has a higher mortality rate.

What do you think are the three most valuable things an author should do on their own for promotion?

Create a webpage. Talk your book up to independent booksellers who might nominate it for Booksense (but be very sensitive to the number of other authors who are also asking those booksellers for their time). Practise giving presentations, so that if your marketing department calls you up about an event, you're ready.

As an editor is there something you are expecting your author to do in terms of promotion that would be unprofessional of me to neglect?

Give our marketing department as much information as they ask you for. Help them whenever you can, and then leave them alone to do their jobs.

I've written a story that I've also illustrated, but I'm self-aware enough to realise that, while I'm very fond of the illustrations, a professional might think me naive for even considering suggesting them officially. How then (if it all) should I mention them in a query to a potential agent? Should I introduce the story as one that I've illustrated and add that I'd be happy to have somebody else illustrate them? Not mention the illustrations at all and, if an interest is shown in the manuscript, bring the illustrations up later? Or tell them very humbly that I've illustrated the story and ask them to specify whether they want the manuscript alone or the accompanying pictures as well?

Each of these plans is acceptable.

An Award? For Me?

Do you automatically nominate all the books you publish for the big daddy awards (Caldecott, Newbery, etc)? Or just the ones you feel have the highest chance of winning? Or does somebody else do the nominating? Like the authors themselves? Clearly, I have no clue how those gold and silver medals get stamped on those books.

Editors don't nominate; marketing departments do. The smart ones nominate absolutely everything that could reasonably meet the criteria, so (for example) ours sends every illustrated book that is (a) illustrated by someone living in the US and (b) first published in the current year to the Caldecott committee. It's not our job to decide which of our books are or aren't fit to win the award; it's the committee's job.

I do suggest you read each award's criteria and guidelines before you ask your publisher if your book is being submitted for X or Y. You might be surprised what qualifies and what doesn't for different awards.

Stick Figure Theatre

1) You have written a picture book.
2) The text of your picture book does not make complete sense without pictures (very common of course).
3) You can't draw.

What is the best way to present this as a submission so that all of your ideas are transferred? Assume that you include the complete text in a double spaced document complete with suggested page numbers.

a) Dummy book with the text in place and descriptions of potential illustrations?

Unnecessary.

b) Include an explanation or breakdown of your illustration ideas in the covering letter or separate document.

Exactly. But hold yourself back. Only include enough direction to make the text make sense. Extras are not appreciated. As I said not long ago, illustrators are half of the creative team—not a tool for the author's use. Sure, you have a vision for how your book will look. Open your mind to the idea that an actual artist will have a better one.

c) Find someone who can draw to illustrate your dummy book.

This is a bad, bad idea. Many of the people in slush send in their own illustrations in the belief that they might be in the running to illustrate their own book. Most of those people are at an artistic level so far from professional that this belief qualifies as loony-tunes. People that unrealistic give us serious pause.

I know, you're not one of them. But if you send in the best illustrations you can get done from the very small pool of illustrators you know and with the very low amount of money you can pay, those illustrations are going to look damned unprofessional. And you will run a very strong chance of being mistaken for one of the loony-tunes who think that level of illustration is acceptable.

Editors get plain old manuscript pages all the time. Here's the thing to remember: we have very good imaginations, and we do this for a living. We're good at visualizing. Give us a little credit.

Goddamn Unicorns

I've seen several agents and publishing houses say things like, "No unsolicited MSS; query first with outline, sample chapters and SASE," in their submission guidelines without any separate instructions for picture books.
In the case of short-ish picture books (400-600 words) with no illustrations, the whole text fits on one or two pages. I can replace an outline with a brief summary, but then, of course have no chapters to include. Do I send any of the short manuscript, all of it, or nothing beyond a letter?

Here is an excellent opportunity for me to say that I do not know everything. If an agent/publisher represents/acquires picture books and yet gives no hints about submitting them, what does it mean? I have no fricking clue.

Other questions of this ilk include:
If two bears walk into a bar, what flavor of paella are they serving in Madrid?
If you're afraid of the dark, what the hell is a night rainbow?
If the unicorns steal my crack pipe again, I'm going to kick the crap out of them. Well? Where is it?

Not a Frequently Asked Question contd

EA, what do you think of this business of authors spending their advance on promotion?

I think it's a little nutty. But each author should be the judge of their own promotional skill and be guided by that.

I'm not sure all editors are so quick to offer up these numbers, especially print runs. I've asked this question in the past and I've gotten a lot of hemming and hawing instead of a clear answer...

That doesn't mean they don't have a guess. They have to have a guess to calculate your advance.

I agree with the mystery around print runs. I've never heard this information volunteered as part of the initial offer.

But foreign publishers and agents always ask.

Out of curiosity...I assume that the stated print run is a measure of the publisher's expectations. As such, are those numbers generally accurate? I mean to say, if the catalogue says "print run: 500,000" and then there are a million retail orders, you could quickly print more - but if there are only only 35 retail orders and people just don't seem that into it, would you not print as many? ... and at what point is it too late to pull the plug entirely?

Print runs are usually set ahead of the orders coming in, but there are last-minute changes. Yes, sometimes we knock the print run down a few thousand. We're extremely unlikely to pull the plug on anything simply because early orders are lower than we hoped. The market's had plenty of sleeper titles. Pulling the plug is pretty much saved for titles where we're getting actual resistance (anger, outrage, etc). You can see how the abort button got pushed for If I Did It (in its first incarnation. Alas, it has risen again). But that sort of reaction is pretty unusual in kids books, not counting The Rainbow Party, which seems to have been published just to give parents aneurysms and bible thumpers something new to burn.

EA, a question about this kind of negotiation--Does the publisher generate a range of estimates for the advance (for example, $4000-$6000) and offer $4000, being prepared to go up to $6000 during negotiations, or do they just generate one estimate and say, "Take it or leave it"?

Depends on the book. Usually there's some room for negotiation, and if we're dealing with an agent, we'll make sure we leave room for negotiation, even if it means low-balling at first. Because agents won't leave us alone until we raise the advance from our initial offer, no matter how fair we feel it is.

My Manuscript Has Had Puppies. Want Them?

Is it better to sell a PB as a stand-alone and then mention to the editor that you would love to expand your book into a series after all contracts are signed? If you mention 'series' before contracts are signed, would that make an editor question if they should buy a book that has stand-alone potential?

If you send me a picture book I want to acquire, I'm going to acquire it. If you mention at that early date that you have ideas for second, third, and fourth books just like it, I'll explain why we're going to wait for some market feedback on the first one before we throw money into developing a sequel. I'll be nice about it, but I'll be rolling my eyes the whole time.

Lots and lots of authors are so enamored of what they've created that they envision it becoming a series. If the book-buying public turns out to be just as enamored, then great! If not, no dice.

Some types of books are best as a series, but as I mentioned before, they should have very solid market potential.

The Visual Query Letter

I heard one editor say that she likes to receive postcards from illustrators and that illustrators should definitely send their sample postcards not only to art directors, but also to editors even if the publisher's submission policy doesn't say that. Do you agree? Do editors help chose the illustrator or suggest an illustrator for the picture books they edit? I'm about to send out another postcard mailing to both art directors and editors and wondered how effective it will be.

Editors do help to suggest illustrators. If I like a postcard enough, I'll put it up on my wall to remind myself of the illustrator.

I do throw a heck of a lot of postcards away, though. The most successful ones are often clearly composed for the postcard. We're looking for composition skills, not just rendering skills. Don't do people if you can't do people well. Show me your sense of humor, if that's a strong point. Make sure there are no problems with perspective or proportion. Get your palette right. And if you're doing mass, don't bother sending to trade publishers.

Children Are So Precious! (a short quiz!)

This week has already come up with its quota of snooky-wookums slush, and that's it. No more! Thus, today's quiz:

Childhood is a magical time, full of: (check all that apply)

a. innocence
b. ignorance
c. daisies
d. insecurity
e. tea parties
f. fairies
g. imagination
h. unicorns
i. teddy bears
j. thoughtless cruelty

Whatever else you chose, if you didn't select ignorance, insecurity, and thoughtless cruelty, you've mistaken what childhood is like to look at for what childhood is like to live. Being a child is hard. If you don't remember what it was like to be a child, please do not write for them.

How to Write a Synopsis

Oh, thank goodness. Somebody asked me to do a post on how to write a synopsis a while back, and I got stuck on the examples part. I was awfully tempted to write a synopsis for The True Meaning of Smekday, which you should all run out and get right now. Or as soon as it's available. Whichever.

Alas, writing a synopsis for it would have ruined the book for those of you who Don't Want to Know the Ending. And writing a synopsis is a lot like writing a book—there're lots of different ways to do it right. Obviously there are even more ways to do it wrong, but if you've done a good job on your book, you can do a good job on your synopsis.

So I was thinking about how best to address this request, when, ta-dah! Nathan Bransford saved me the trouble. Thank you, Nathan.

Not a Frequently Asked Question, and Dammit, Why Not?

Taxes, calculus, string theory, the way people vote—these are among the things that will never be clear to me. Advances and royalties, however, are pretty simple, so it's a shock every time I'm reminded how many authors and illustrators don't know how it works.

So an editor calls you up and says, "I'm very excited about this manuscript, and I'd like to offer you an $11,000 advance against a 5% royalty."

What do you say?

Now, for god's sake pay attention. You say, "That's wonderful! Could you tell me what print run and price point you've got planned?"

The editor replies, "We're planning on a 12,500 copy first printing, and the book would retail for $16.99."

You say, "Thanks so much. This is very exciting, but could I have a couple hours (or days, whatever will make you comfortable) to think about it?"

The editor says, "Sure. I'll look forward to your reply."

Now you break out your calculator and use this equation: print run (12,500) x retail price (16.95) x royalty (0.05) = $10,618.75.

This dollar amount is what a 5% royalty will earn you if all of that first printing sells. This is your starting advance. As you can see, the editor has rounded up to the nearest thousand.

So that's good. Now you start negotiating.

If all of this has come as news to you, get yourself a good book like Negotiating a Book Contract and read it.

So You Want to Be an Editor

I am currently an English Major and beginning my sophomore year of college. I’m very interested in children’s literature, specifically books written for 10 to 14 year olds, and I was wondering what you could tell me about being a children’s book editor. What are the pros and cons of being an editor?

Pros:

• You work in books.
• People in children's books are really nice people, with very few exceptions.
• You are in charge (this ought to appeal to you if you want to be an editor—editors have to be in charge)
• By the power of your "no," you get to stem some of the tide of bad books getting published.
• It is a truly challenging job. Editors need several different skill sets.

Cons:

• Editors manage relationships with lots and lots of people: authors, illustrators, agents, other editors, designers, people from production, sales, marketing, publicity... and most editors are introverts, so this takes work.
• You're underpaid. You have to be doing this for love, because the people multi-talented enough to be good editors could be doing lots of things that pay a hell of a lot better.
• You're overworked. There's always more work than people to do it, and editors take work home all the time.
• Much of it is not glamorous or fun work. The amount of time we spend reading and editing is absolutely dwarfed by the time we spend filling in forms, reporting and sharing information, attending meetings, juggling p&ls, building marketing material, etc.
• It can be high-stress. There's a lot of work, there's a lot of responsibility, and there isn't much time.
• Everywhere you go, when people ask you what you do, you can either lie or get drawn into another conversation that starts "Really? I've written a children's book!" Honestly, it's eerie how much this happens.

Are there specific qualities you think an editor should have?

An editor should be:

• Friendly
• Decisive
• Cooperative
• Discerning
• Efficient
• Hard-working
• Well-read
• Knowledgeable about the market
• A smart reader
• A talented writer
• Good at identifying problems
• Good at coming up with creative solutions
• Good at predicting reader and market response
• Good at identifying hook and at positioning books

Is this the kind of job that consumes your life, or can you have a family?

Yes, and yes. You just can't spend a lot of time with them.

Are there other jobs that, in your opinion, are better in the children’s publishing industry?

The only better job I can think of is Bestselling Author. But there are even fewer openings. Though, as you should be realizing, that's my take. Editing is not for everyone. Some people would hate it.

I’ve heard that the way people get their foot in the door is by interning.
Are there different types of intern positions available? If so, which ones would
you recommend?

You can intern in marketing, editorial, even design... it depends on the publisher. But an editorial internship is most likely to turn into a job in editorial, if that's what you want. And of course even then it's not that likely.

Are there any other tips, pieces of wisdom, or warnings you feel compelled to dish out?

There are many different ways to love books, and many different ways to work in books. An internship is a good idea simply for the chance to see whether editorial work is for you. If it isn't, try something else in books.

Customer Service for Non-Customers

Most of the editors I've worked with have been dedicated, smart, and helpful. But my current editor was assigned the project and, among other things has asked for changes that totally diverted the text from the main story, sent me poorly written (ungrammatical) flap copy, galleys studded with major typos, and a proposed book design that was completely off-the-wall (and eventually changed). I've resisted where I could, rewritten the flap copy, and corrected the typos, but I have a sinking feeling about this project, which has not yet gone to print.

At this remove, it's hard to say for sure how much of this was the editor's fault. It's possible that (1) she's enormously overworked and her attention is divided (2) someone else wrote that flapcopy (3) you were sent a galley that had not yet been to the copyeditor (which is not uncommon, fyi) (4) and she finds herself at the mercy of equally overworked designers.

Or maybe she's incompetent. (This is not common among editors. At all. But it's possible.)

Is there anything I can do before the book actually is published? Like, ask to have someone else to look at the final result? Is there anything I could have done when I first noticed the problem? Can a writer ever ask for a project to be reassigned? Under no circumstances do I want to work with this person again. We are still on
friendly terms, but I'd like to send future manuscripts to someone else.

Oh, that would be difficult. And awkward, and very probably unproductive. Editors are the head of their publishing team, and so to appeal for another set of editorial eyes, you'd have to go over her head. There are no lateral moves here.

When the editor asked you for changes you disagreed with, you should have disagreed (perhaps you did). It's your story, of course.

Have you seen the book's development recently? You could ask your editor if you could see whatever is the most recent round, mentioning that the project has had a bit of a bumpy ride, and you'd just like to be sure you're being as involved as you can be.

As far as not working with this editor again: Don't send her anything. Submit to other publishers for a year or so, and then try other editors at the publisher we're talking about. There are different working dynamics at different publishers, so I can't say how possessive this editor is likely to be about you.

If (on the very unlikely chance) you sell another manuscript to this publisher and it gets handed off to that same editor, you could then speak to her superior about your concerns. That would have to be done delicately, however. If her superior has had other hints that things are not going as they should with that editor, your concerns may be given weight. But be careful of simply coming off as high-maintenance, or a complainer (an author type we do run into sometimes). Without corroborating evidence, her superior is going to side with her.

Some authors come into the business expecting their relationship with the publisher to be like their relationship with the customer service departments of other large companies. Certainly the customer is always right. But you aren't a customer. You're a contractor, and contractors are sometimes uninformed, unreliable, and unrealistic. If you look for someone to pull rank on your editor, remember—as far as the publishing company is concerned, you personally don't have any.

I do not get the impression that you are one of these people. Your positive past experience with other editors speaks well for you. And I'm sorry you're in this position. My best wishes for the book you're working on, and for your future success. If the editor is really as incompetent as she seems, she probably won't be in the industry for much longer.

A Series of Risks

I have an idea for a book line. Is there a way to submit such an idea to a publisher and possibly obtain a contract to write some of the books for the line, and if so what are the usual protocols? I know the general guidelines for submitting a book and even a series of books, but I have never come across information regarding someone outside the publishing industry pitching a new line.

Send in an overview of the series and a sample of your writing in the form the publisher requests (eg, 3 chapters and a synopsis).


Series are harder to pitch because they require a significant commitment in money and time. Every acquisition decision is a bit of a gamble, so investing in developing a series is a BIG gamble. Acquisitions committees will only approve something that seems to have very solid market potential.


And you're asking the acquiring editor to plan to spend years ahead of her working on this series—so she'd better be looking forward to it that much more. If that enthusiasm and that surety of market response aren't there, it's easier to just reject it.

The Editorial Shot Put

I get the feeling from your posts that you mostly work with picture books. However, if you work at all with MG/YA, I'm curious what the upper limit freak-out length is for you. Where you just say, "No way am I reading something that long!! Don't even send me the first page!" I know that contemporary is usually shorter than fantasy, and I've seen both long and short historical (but they seem mostly shorter than fantasy, at least in kidlit). I'm curious because I see some people say 75K, but bestselling MG/YA novels these days consistently include a huge percentage of longer books (closer to 100K--and this includes first novels).

You're right, middle grade and YA readers are showing a higher tolerance for longer fiction. Which is great.

I will read the beginning of absolutely anything. Neither topic nor word count nor author's background tells me what the writing is like. If the writing is awesome enough, heck, you can get away with This Is All. But if you're writing long, make sure you're appealing to the readers who want long. Some people say all of writing is knowing your audience. I say all of idiocy is generalizations. But remember that part of your audience is the editor who is going to throw your manuscript across the room if more than 20% of your manuscript needs to be cut.

The Good, the Bad, and the Marketing Director

Why are so many books published without any meaningful marketing? Enormous amounts of editorial time and trouble are lavished on projects whose covers won't feature in print ads, whose placement in chain stores won't be paid for, whose authors and illustrators won't be signing copies for the crowds at conferences. One standard response is that there isn't money, but that answer won't quite do: there is money; it's just allocated other places. All those people who micro-tweak covers in meetings are getting paid, after all, as are the designers, authors, illustrators and printers for all that future pulp. Another answer authors hear frequently is that it's their job to market their books. No question, this is partly true. Certainly no one is more motivated. But just as certainly, no individual has a publisher's resources, stature or integration into the book world's network of communication and distribution. The Internet is a good tool, but there are still only 24 hours in a day and the author is still only one person. Aside from my personal stake in the issue, I've never seen the business sense in it from the publishers' point of view. Care to elucidate?

Who are the publishers who are telling you the author has to be the main marketing force behind a book? Honestly, I'm curious.

Let's first assume you're being publishing at a publisher that does allocate marketing money (i.e., not rinky-dink). You're right, most of that money is not going to go into print ads or conference visits or endcaps at B&N. And that's because those investments only pay off if they're based on a known reaction. They are not ways to create a reaction.

The marketing money for your book will instead be spent on making your book available and visible in ways that lots of authors seem to take for granted—the catalogs we print thousands of copies of, the websites we must maintain, the copies of the book we'll send out for free to reviewers and editors of magazines and awards committees, the trade and consumer shows where we will pay to have a booth, etc, etc. These are meaningful marketing efforts.

Perhaps you'd rather publishers spent less money on editorial and design work—less investment in making a book the best it can be—and more money on pushing it at the consumer.

Don't worry, I'm not about to launch into a "purity of the book" lecture. Editors and designers are in this business because they love books, but publishers are in this business to make money. So trust me, if it would sell more books to skip over the editorial and design side of things and just focus on shoving products down the public's throat, that's exactly what publishers would be doing.

Experience shows, however, that even on our own lists of carefully chosen and lovingly developed books, we can't always tell which books are going to get the reaction we're hoping for. And there's no building on a complete lack of interest from the market.

Once a book starts generating interest (if it generates interest), the marketing department will look for ways to encourage and nurture that interest, and it's at that point that you'll see the marketing pushes many lay people think of as actual "marketing."

Feel free to think of the publisher as a souless, mercenary behemoth that does not really care about your book. (Though this would obviously be a disservice to the underpaid, overworked, book-loving people who actually make books happen.) Just don't start thinking the publisher doesn't care about the tens of thousands of dollars it's invested to bring your book to market. It cares. It wants your book to earn back that investment. And it's doing what makes financial sense to help it sell, whether the author likes it or not.

Charming Things to Say to Editors

I love your piece on stalking editors! I know most of us really try to be respectful of an editor's personal space. Still, there are no doubt gray areas. I once attended a conference and enjoyed a particular editor's presentation immensely. It was a small group with lots of personal interaction. The session was right before a casual group lunch and I contemplated inviting the editor to sit at a table with other attendees that I knew. I chickened out, and later kicked myself when I saw her eating alone. What would the correct protocol be in this situation? I have since submitted manuscripts to this editor, and we have developed a lovely "no thanks, what else have you got?" relationship.

"Would you like to eat with us? I promise not to pitch you anything," would be a fantastic beginning.

Other nice ways to engage editors in social conversation include:

1. "What are you reading right now? I promise not to pitch you anything."
2. "Would you like another drink? I promise not to pitch you anything."
3. "What a lovely blouse. I promise not to pitch you anything."
4. "I'm a dangerous predator. I'm going to go wait in the back seat of your car with a knife, but I promise not to pitch you anything."

We like authors, remember. And we like being treated like normal people, because we are normal people. We just hate being put on the spot.

The Finest Literary Sawdust

I know that the most important thing to get right when subbing is the writing. So I'm curious, when you receive manuscripts that are very strong, but not quite there (ie. not a beginner effort, but not quite publishable) what are the most common things that you ask for revisions on? In other words, what can a solid writer do, before sending their manuscript out, to elevate his/ her work to that next level?

When I ask for revisions, my requests are usually very specific to that manuscript. But you can trim.

And trim, and trim, and trim. How much of your manuscript will be conveyed in the illustrations? How much is just literary flourishes? Which parts build directly on the narrative's core ideas, and which are unnecessary branchings? Sometimes I get texts with a great deal of dead wood, and sometimes I get the literary equivalent of a bonsai. Make your manuscript something that only needs a snip here and there, rather than a chainsaw. Or worse, the chipper.

Now, If God Had Had a Book Trailer...

What in the world is up with these book trailers? How do you feel about them? I think some interpretation should be left up to the reader's own mind. I say that because I was interested in a certain book and I saw the trailer which was like one of those Japanese cartoons and immediately I was turned off. (Maybe I'm just fickle) However I saw one for Hallowmere and I can't wait to read it.

I've seen some pretty awkward ones. But this is a bit of a chicken-vs-egg problem. They aren't going to get as smooth as movie trailers until marketing departments invest real time and money in them, and no one's going to invest real time and money in them until there's proof that they sell piles of books. So I'm not crazy about them so far, but I'm crossing my fingers that they get better.

What is the longest amount of time you've ever heard of an unpublished writer attempting to be published? I once read of this lady who had been trying for 15 years. Whew! I used to think that she should get half a clue but now that I'm vested in writing, I can see how 15 years of unpublished time is doable.

It was 13 billion years before someone wandered up a mountain with some stone tablets and the bible had its first (abridged) release.
It's a tough universe.

How to Stalk an Editor (Handy tips!)

(or, How to Irritate, Alarm, and Creep Out the People You Hope to Work With)

1. Find out as much as you can about us personally. It's always impressive when an author already knows my age and astrological sign.

2. Call us up at work. We love having lengthy chats with strangers about their burgeoning careers. And god knows we've got nothing better to do. This tactic is especially memorable if our extension is not readily available in the company directory.

3. Do regular internet searches to discover what events / conferences we'll be attending. Start showing up at all of them—even if you don't approach us, we'll start wondering about that person who always looks so familiar.

4. Hang out outside our offices and attempt to follow us home. Editors have our defenses down and are more approachable if you can catch us in our apartments.

5. Public restrooms are even better. No one is as vulnerable as they are when they are struggling with their underclothes. This is a perfect chance to pass us your manuscript, or read it to us over the door.

6. Follow us to a bar and sneak a manuscript into our purses when we're distracted. When we find it later, we'll know just how committed you are. Or should be.

Introducing: The Editor Tan

Tan:
Forehead, shoulders, arms, shins.

Pasty white:
Everything else.

Quickies

My query is, to what extent is the age of the author a factor in deciding to accept for publication? Is there a tendency to favour younger authors who may be perceived to have a longer career span?

A saleable manuscript in the hand is worth two in the tree (no matter how young the tree is).

I've been thinking a lot about branding in your career. Do you think it's best for a writer to stick with a particular genre and become known for that kind of work, or just write what comes to them? I'm noticing that most of the "successful" writers stick to one thing, and do it well - Stephanie Meyers, John Green, while a few others get away with writing many things, but become known for a particular genre - Megan McDonald, Jane Yolen. Do you have an opinion on the best way to go?

Write what you write well, and let the publisher worry about market placement.

Agents, Reviews, and Ipecac... sorry, I mean Disney

I've written a YA mystery novel and have been extremely fortunate in that (1) I met an agent at this year's BEA who asked to see the first 3 chapters before I even finished the book and (2) At a recent party, I met an executive producer for a series on the Disney Channel who heard about the book from a mutual friend and he asked if he could see the MS for a potential pitch to Disney as a series.

Man, you must have a good pitch.

First, do I dare show this guy my MS without having an agent? I've heard so many stories about people stealing ideas. Would it be insulting to ask him to sign a non-compete first? Next, if the book has not yet been published and Disney wants to make it a series, will I (as the creator of the character) lose all creative control? I keep thinking that I should get the book published first, then let Disney option it. (Hey, as long as I'm dreaming here ...)

I know enough about the entertainment industry to know they have some different rules than we do. I think mentioning this to your prospective agent might be a good idea. Perhaps one of my readers has some other insight?

And finally, I feel so ignorant of the business process behind the book game. I recently read that reviews can sell thousands of books so I should submit my book for review asap since I only have 8 months to build volume sales or it gets yanked from the shelves. How does one submit a book for review? Do you recommend this approach? What if it gets panned? I wasn't trying to write the great American novel when I wrote this. I had a fun set of characters and a story to tell and I wrote it down. It's not as awful as the Madison Fine or Clique series but it's no Harry Potter either...

What? Are we talking about the book that hasn't been published yet? Listen, get your book placed at any decent publisher, and the publisher will submit your book to reviewers, not you. Positive reviews can be a great boon to a book. Negative reviews, in my experience, have a lesser effect, curiously. Of course, if your book is really just for teachers, and SLJ hates it, that's bad.

Agents to Smooth the Bumps, and Agents Who Are the Bumps

Besides handling money and contract issues, how else is a relationship with a publishing house different with an agent? Does an agent submit new ideas, or does the author, for instance?

An agent opens doors for you and will most likely represent all of your work. A publisher will not publish anything you write.

EA, what are the pros and cons from the editors side about working with agented or nonagented authors? What is different for you?

From my point of view:

Sometimes agents act as a buffer, and it's a good thing: For instance, the author has misunderstood something and is suddenly angry with the publisher. The agent, as an industry insider, explains the situation so that the author can understand the publisher's side of things. The agent can also advise what the author's next steps and options are. Agents are great for people who worry that publishers have devious agendas and will only treat an author well if it suits them to. They're also great for people with no social skills.

And sometimes an agent acts as a buffer and it's not so great. I like to start developing a relationship with the author as soon as I can—letting her know I'm friendly, that my door's open. That sort of groundwork heads off many misunderstandings later on. It' s difficult to do that passing messages through a third party. Some agents don't step out of that relationship as quickly as they might.

Of course, sometimes agents don't act as buffers, and that can be annoying. The agent who passes his primadonna's every little hissy fit along to me is not doing his job. The agent who doesn't point out to his author that this new manuscript is significantly similar to the last five manuscripts she's written and had rejected, especially when publishers are commenting on that similarity, is not doing his job.

If someone feels comfortable with negotiating and contracts, and has luck in finding a publisher - is there any other reason to deal with an agent? Especially in picture books?

If you're comfortable with negotiating and navigating a contract, and find a publisher you're happy with, then perhaps not. Plenty of people do without them. It's a matter of personal choice.

You've Seen This Monkey Flinging Crap in the Movies... Now, Watch Him Fling Crap in Children's Books!

As an editor, you get a celebrity manuscript come across your desk, do you say behind closed doors "This is really bad but because it is written by Sally Sleezeball we'll publish it and our company will make a lot of money." Does that get discussed? Do you realize that it's bad when it gets published and nobody cares because it is going to make a lot of money, because it is after all a business and it will sell?

Yes, that's right.

We are told all along as writers that it's about the story. The writing has to be fantastic, the cover letter has to be marvelous, the query has to be wonderful. Why are celebrities not held to the standards that we are? And if in fact they aren't held to the same standards and it is ALL about a P & L statement why do editors just not fix the story and the bad rhyme so we don't know that Sally Sleezeball is as bad as she really is.

Oh, I wish. Celebrities come strapped with celebrity egos, however, and often cannot be told they need a ghostwriter. And the poor editor, who is already grinding her teeth to have to work on such drivel, has to deal with an author whose attitude is "Huh! Who are you to tell me how to make my story better?"

Your-goddamned-editor, is who.

I am a confirmed member of BACA, but it's worth noting that if a celebrity book brings in a bunch of money, it has the chance to bankroll other books that are higher quality but lower profile. If it gives us the chance to slip some not-so-sure-bets into the pipeline just because we love them, we're willing to be flexible. As I maintain, editors are not evil. But they can be all kinds of devious in the right cause.

Publishers: Crushing Your Aspirations Since 1440

So, my mg novel has gone from the editor (who couldn't put it down--her words), to the readers and on to the publisher. Now, I am told that a 'how do we publish discussion' will take place. Can you tell me about such discussions? I mean how often do these discussions turn out to be a big fat, No, and take your stinkin ms with you too?

Congratulations, it sounds like your novel is pretty close to accepted. The sequence of steps on the way to making an acquisition varies from house to house, however, so I can't say for sure. It sounds as though the editor, et al, are about to talk to marketing, to determine whether it should be a hardcover or release directly into paperback / what print run and price point it should have / what marketing budget should be allocated, etc. Because it's hard to guess just what will be discussed at this meeting, try not to torture yourself with speculation.

Oh, and tell the truth, do editors hate when an author brings in an agent at this stage of the party?

In absolute honesty, it would be wonderful to make a book in which there were no surprises anywhere in the process. How realistic is that, though? While the sudden appearance of an agent isn't going to make us happier, it isn't going to make us unhappy, either.

Lost in (the process of) Translation

I have some questions about how translations work. If I see a book I love and translate it into English, would I submit that manuscript the same way I would if it were an original work? Or does the publisher acquire the rights to a non-English title and then find a translator for the book?

The latter. Unless the book was originated in an out-of-the-way country where publishing is a tiny industry, chances are high that the book's publisher is seeking or has sought a U.S. publisher for English translation rights. The U.S. children's book market is the largest in the world, so there's motivation.

Foreign publishers send us their catalogs and we request any books we'd like to see. And of course we send representatives to the Bologna Book Fair, where many translation deals are made.

English is the international language of business, so getting a rough translation of a picture book from the foreign publisher is not hard. (That's assuming it's a language no one in the office speaks, in which case we might not bother to ask for one.) Often an editor in house will then smooth the translation from broken English to fluid, and send it back to the foreign publisher for approval.

Longer texts require a translator.

How would one go about getting on that translator list?

You would send a letter to the publisher, advancing yourself as a freelance translator of X language, and you would include your qualifications. "I speak French" is not a qualification you should bother with. We want assurance that you do indeed speak the language fluently, and more than that, can translate it into an English that respects the style and flow of both written languages.

Do publishers tend to keep the original illustrator?

Often.

We occasionally get slush submissions that are translations of books the submitters found on vacation and fell in love with. This shows a very feeble grasp of how foreign rights work. Essentially, they're asking: "Wouldn't you like to figure out how to contact this [Israeli, eg] publisher, figure out who's in charge of foreign rights there, and see whether the rights to this book are even available?" The answer is most likely no.

But if this describes you, you're still a step ahead of the person who sent us a translation of Bili Bili.

You're Being Repesented by Whom?

EA, I have a question. Suppose I have a meeting with my editor, and he expresses admiration of my agent, saying "You're in good hands."

Should I take this to mean

(a) My agent is a patsy, which pleases my editor, since they're on opposite sides;

I sometimes fantasize about being this evil. But it's not in me. And it's not in any editor I've ever met.

(b) My editor is hoping I'll repeat the compliment to my agent;

There are really much more effective ways of buttering up agents. Alcohol, for instance.

(c) My editor is a polite person;

Well, if I were meeting with you face to face, and you announced that you'd just signed up with agent X, and paused... thereby requiring some response from me, I might burble something like this if my natural response was actually "Crap, this just got 5 times harder," or "That jackass?!"

or (d) I'm in good hands?

This is most likely. Or at least you're in good hands as far as the editor knows. There is a fantastic community of writers out there talking about their experiences with agents, so make sure you hear it from both sides.

Read This

Dear Fellow Editor,
I love you.
-EA

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/books/2007/08/publishing_never_had_a_golden.html

A Force Beyond the Scope of Man's Imagination

In looking for submissions info, most publishers say, "Check the website." I have found that many publishers don't keep their websites up-to-date --- some are featuring books from 2003 -2004! When I submit, using info acquired from some websites, the publisher informs me that they no longer have need for such a submission [picture books, for instance] , or in some cases don't even publish children's books any more. The Children's writer's guides seem to be inaccurate more often than not, because of this kind of out-of-date and self-contradicting information. Is there a good answer for this [and a real solution], or are many publishers just as clueless and hopeless as many authors are? Also, why would a publisher want a website that is three years behind?

I'm really curious about which publishers these are. While some of the usual suspects may not bother themselves with updating their online submission guidelines frequently enough, I can't guess which publishers don't have their frontlists up on their websites, or have suddenly decided not to publish kids' books.

Writer's Market (et al) tries to get publishers to update their listings, but answering CWIM is a low-priority job. Why? For the same reason updating the online guidelines is: the slush is a monster big enough to eat Tokyo, but too dumb to find it. Pound for pound, it isn't worth much of our time. You can't blame some people if they're secretly hoping that if they ignore the slush long enough, it'll get confused, wander over to the wrong coast, and eat L.A. instead.

Counting Pages, Words, and Advice

I have an interest in writing picture book texts and have heard mention of picture book formats that appear to be set in stone (8, 16 or 32 pages, no more than 500 words etc). Presently I am unpublished, but have a couple of manuscripts of this kind (~500 words) being evaluated (so far favorably). My question is, how hard and fast are these guidelines in today's printing houses? I recently submitted a third manuscript for evaluation (~900 words), to be told that it would be too long for a picture book. Now I don't even have to look past Dr Seuss in my son's book collection to come up with several -- of what I think of as -- successful picture books of even greater length than my MS. So have the rules changed recently, or are the longer style illustrated books (e.g. The Lorax etc) considered to be in a different genre? If so, which genre would that be?

Number of pages and number of words are not set in stone, but...

The number of pages:

Do you know what a signature is? It is the way printers bundle pages: there are 16 pages in a signature. Pick up a hardcover novel (they'll be easier to see in that binding). Look at the top or bottom of the spine. Do you see the faint separations between the bundles of pages? Those are signatures.

It is most economical to make your book's page count a multiple of 16, in order to avoid splitting signatures. It is slightly more expensive to halve a signature (8 pages), and a bit more expensive again to quarter a signature (4 pages). There is no eighth of a signature (2 pages), as far as I understand these things.

This is why most picture books are 32, 36, or 40 pages.

The number of words:

The first thing you should never do when comparing your manuscript to other books is using competition that's more than twenty years old. Come on.

That said, it makes an enormous difference how the text is formatted and what age group it is for. The Stinky Cheese Man is over 3,000 words long, but the text is broken up into short stories and the age group is mid-elementary. I can only guess that whoever offered you the feedback that your manuscript was too long meant that it was too long for the topic and age group. Alternatively, that person may have been wrong.

Misc Q&A

I've read over and over again that editors don't like to receive submissions in Priority Mail or Fed Ex packages. Do you think this is generally true? And why is that so?

Are you sure this is editors? Because most editors have other people to sign for the mail and open it for them (one of the small benefits of working at a big company).
Agents, I understand. Many of them work alone or with a very small staff, and may or may not feel the need to keep regular office hours. They do not appreciate it when you send them slush they have to sign for, and if the postal carrier doesn't find the agent's office open and takes your piece of mail back to the post office, you should realize that the agent is not going to go down to the post office to pick up your unsolicited package.

'If a book has a reliable hook'? Which types of hooks would you consider reliable?

A hook that isn't based on

• how much I love the writing or illustration.
• a passing fad.
• something people do experience but about which they do not typically go looking for books.
• something for which there are many, many, many books already—while I may feel it's being done differently in this case, there's no guarantee the market will feel the same way.

I received a handwritten note on a rejection letter from an editor which said, "There are many stories for children about being yourself. What can you do to this story to make it stand out?" Any thoughts? This is a picture book. Is this the hook you have been blogging about?

'Being yourself' was a hook in the early morning of children's books, but at this point there are so many books on this topic that it's just a theme, not a hook. If you can do any theme in a way that speaks to the way people think of it right now, you can alchemize it back into a hook. Before you can figure out this new way, though, I imagine you'd have to look at the old ways and find yourself bored with them.

What Rhymes with 'Misdemeanor'?

My question is one I see constantly debated for picture books: Is it a crime
to write in rhyme?

No, but it is a crime to think that rhyming is the same thing as writing poetry, or that poetry is easy.

Thinking that a picture book for any age can be rhymed is a misdemeanor. Letting the rhyme drive the content instead of the other way around is a felony, and sing-songy rhyme that teaches a lesson can be prosecuted as second-degree manslaughter.

Rhyme has serious ramifications, and should not be attempted by amateurs. Even if it doesn't result in jail time, it is often grounds for a restraining order, and certain particularly pernicious couplets have been outlawed in some states.

If you want to see some examples of rhyme done in a law-abiding and publishable way, simply visit your nearest bookstore.

The Short Demand and the Long Haul

I am a published author with Dutton and HarperCollins. I was very, very fortunate to sell three books in four years, with the last sale happening in 2002.
My books did okay---made a couple of lists, etc and sold in the high single/ low double digits, but with numbers like that I'm still looking for my breakout book, huh?
Since 2002, however, I've sold precisely---nada. I've circulated three really terrific books to some very nice rejections, a couple revision requests, etc.
So, my question is: after three books of middling sales and five years of no contracts, am I done?

I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that high single / low double digit sales (ie, between 9,000-12,000) are not middling sales. They're ok if you mean your books sold that many in their first years, perhaps.

A publisher prints what they hope they can sell in a single year—or, ideally, less. Some first printings will take longer than a year to sell completely, and we expect that. But every month stock we don't need in that month sits in our warehouse, we're wasting storage money on it. The stock in the warehouse should be stock in demand.

Compare your first print runs to your first 12 month's sales. Selling 10,000 copies of a 12,500 print run is fine. Selling 5,000 copies is not.

The good news is that you're not done until you're done. Your past books may not help you sell new ones, and you may need to try other publishers. But there's no reason to give up. Publishers will be more impressed with you, in fact, if you roll with these punches. If a past book just didn't grab the market, shrug your shoulders and keep loving the book yourself. Don't mourn or recriminate or whine.

You'll have plenty more chances because you're in the business for the long haul, right? You're a career writer, right? A professional. We like working with those.

Could You Change... Everything?

Dear Anonymous: I met an editor at a conference, subbed the first three chapters to her and waited eight months for a response. She “found it charming.” She said the main character of my chapter book is unique and my writing style is engaging. She said she was declining my submission because the words I used and my writing seemed too mature for the content and length of my text. She suggested making these parts more consistent and closed with, “I would be happy to look at a future draft if I decided to revise.”
I took her advice and I’m in the process of revising. How much editing is she expecting and how do I get a quicker response from her when I resubmit? Also, should this somewhat favorable response be an indicator that I should also look for an agent now?

It sounds like addressing the problem she perceives in your manuscript would take a fair amount of revision throughout the manuscript.
But she is not expecting you to make large changes you disagree with. This never improves a manuscript. If her criticism made sense to you, then do your best to revise the manuscript as you feel it should be revised. If her criticism didn't make you think, "Hmm, I suppose you're right," then send it along to other people.

This Manuscript Has Been Rejected Because

I have a question for you and your readers, do you think that the rejection process for unsolicited manuscripts could be standardised? I guess I am thinking about some sort of standard questionnaire form that is filled out and returned to the budding author. It may help to clear up some of the mystery with things like; am I being rejected because of the material or because I am a terrible writer - would they be interested in seeing the same story if I changed it a bit? and so on.If writers and publishers put their heads together then I'm sure they could come up with a sensible set of items that would satisfy both parties, it could be boiled down to just ticking a handful of boxes. Or am I missing something?

Well... it's never tough to let people know that you're open to a revision if they change the manuscript as suggested. And then there's the problem that there are a lot of different problems.

If there were to be a checklist... what would the choices be?

• this is not a story; it's an anecdote.
• this is not a story, it's a photo album of your stuffed animals. They seem to get out more than you do.
• this subject material is inappropriate for the age group.
• this subject material is inappropriate for children.
• this subject material is inappropriate for farm animals.
• a spoonful of sugar does not help nuclear winter go down.
• your main character's reaction to the prostitute was interesting. I've passed your submission to another 'editor' at the FBI.
• this is gobbledygook. I didn't understand a word.
• god, how I wish I hadn't understood a word.
• this has no hook.
• this has no voice.
• this has no grammar, and it's a blessing that punctuation has no feelings.
• there are several books on this already, and you're not doing a better job.
• there are no books on this, and they're all doing a better job.

Anyone else have suggestions?

Some Questions Regarding Agents

I know rejections are just that, regardless of how nicely they are phrased as a let down, but what about the way a book is rejected to an agent? Is that written any different? If you're not writing to the writer, are you more honest as to the reasons for rejection?

Sometimes.
The reason we're not always up front about our reasons for rejection is simply that we're not sure how you'll react. This is true of any agent we don't have a relationship with, either. If we have a sense of how the agent (or the author) will respond to constructive criticism, we're more likely to offer it. We'd much rather help people than upset them. Telling where the line between those things are, though, is very difficult when dealing with strangers.

EA, I wonder if all editors respond that way to all agents from the agencies you mentioned in your post. I once had an offer from a young agent at one of those three agencies, and I turned it down because the clients he referred me to had not yet made sales, and described him as submitting to one or two publishers at a time, then waiting many months for a reply. I chose an agent who is not in NYC and not with one of those agencies, but who had an impressive list of recent sales in Publishers Marketplace. Was that a mistake?

Nope. Sounds like you made the right choice. Good for you for doing your research! Having an agent at a high-powered agency is not necessarily the same thing as having a high-powered agent.

Since, to stand a chance, we have to query agents just as widely as we submit to publishers, and there's all this talk about an agent/client relationship being like a marriage (there'd better be a LOT of Mr./Ms. Rights out there), how do we avoid landing with a dud?

Do just what the person above did—ask for client contacts, and talk to those people about the treatment they've had and the results they've seen.

My agent works at a great agency (though not one of the ones you've named), but I'm beginning to wonder about her as an individual. My ms has been out to six houses for five months, and we've only heard back from two (both rejections). Obviously she's not a "push this to the top of the pile" name. Now I just hope she's not a "trash it" name!

Don't assume this. The "trash" list is very short. Most agents have no chance of getting themselves on it.
Your agent shouldn't be letting your manuscripts sit, though. She should be able to get you a response in less than three months, or be able to tell you why. Part of an agent's job is keeping track of which editors have which manuscripts, and for how long, and if it's been a while it's their job to politely and professionally nag the editors. And maybe subtly imply that the editor is in danger of hurting their relationship with the agent.