Friday, August 1, 2008

The Drivel Award

for the Overly Familiar goes to three contestants:
My book is Harry Potter meets Beatrix Potter. A magical rabbit named Wallbert Fuzzyton has a well-known destiny that is a closely guarded secret. She battles the evil shrieking dwarves of the hollow, with their leader Wolfmort the One-Whose-Name-We-Shan't-Utter. Once Wallbert Fuzzyton finds his destiny, you won't want to miss the clash between good and evil, rabbit and shrieking dwarf! Will Wallbert fulfill her destiny by slaying the evil that lies within the hollow? If you buy my book I'll tell you.
If only this manuscript were a closely guarded secret.
Poor Tony has four older sisters and bossy, no-good parents....UGH! So when he makes a wish to get outta town, Wink-the-mouse happily obliges with his magical powers. Trouble is, Wink is a bad, bad seed, and he loves getting into trouble. Every time Tony makes a wish, Wink adds his own personal touch.
Extra cliche points for naming the mouse "Wink".
It's not the being undead part that bothers Madison. It's the blood part... like, ew. And the (freak me out) bats, or the mega-uncomfie coffin beds, or maybe it's the fangs--SO unflattering. TWILIGHT meets THE BEACON STREET GIRLS in SO NOT MY UNLIFE, a middle grade novel targeted at tween girls.
I feel like writing something on the girls' room wall about this pitch.

6 comments:

liquidambar said...

I do like "evil shrieking dwarves." And I like the line, "It's not the being undead part that bothers Madison ..."

Clare K. R. Miller said...

I like the implication in the first one that the answer isn't actually IN the book, but that the author will just tell you.

K.B. said...

Am I really reading that first one right? Did Wallbert really change sex twice during the pitch? We can only guess if s/he does the same in the story.

Anonymous said...

Should I be concerned that I write bad pitches better than legit ones? Hmmm.

ChrisEldin said...

I would've cried if I weren't laughing so hard.
So I need to work the pitch. This is good to know.
But I had a fantastic review by an editor at the SCBWI conf--she wants the story when I'm finished. I wish I could say more but this business is such a roller coaster.
Hence the laughing and crying part.

Thanks for doing this! I will delete this pitch, and look at the good ones for tips.
:-)

Kimberly Lynn said...

Oh goodness . . .

I have laughed until my head aches! I keep hearing over and over in my thoughts:

“If only this manuscript were a closely guarded secret.”

HA! HA! HA! HA!!!!