Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Current Events in Slush

Squirrels: So 2007.
Geese? Over.
Timmy: Subsiding.

Currently: Chihuahuas. With photos.

Honestly, how many times do I have to tell people? Your dog is mind-bogglingly adorable to you. To everyone else, it's just a photo of some dog. If asked to use an adjective, I would go with "short". And possibly "brown".

Though a couple could easily have been asking for "vacant-looking", "lopsided", and "about to bite someone".

Don't. Write. Stories. About. Your. Pets.

41 comments:

Janet Reid said...

not even if your pet is a blue slushosaurus?

Criss said...

What about vampire chihuahuas?

Editorial Anonymous said...

Well, if it's you, Janet, I'll make an exception. Other owners of blue slushasauruses should "submit" to the psych ward.

Heather said...

Do you completely hate Marley & Me for inflicting these pet books upon you with such a vengeance?

Editorial Anonymous said...

I would have hated Marley and Me anyway.

Megan said...

arghhhh so true! hate them all!
and, of course, "Dewey"
*sighs*
animal books suck!!!!
come on!!!!

moonduster said...

LOL! I agree that pet stories, at least to me, aren't very appealing, but you'd be amazed how many pet photographs and art sell at places like Cafe Press!

BuffySquirrel said...

We squirrels will be back.

ae said...

A dear friend of mine gave me (and my first newborn daughter) quite a famous book about a dog who carried a baby around. I believe the book was wordless. It did nothing for me. Someone else gave me "The Other Dog" when my other daughter was born. Kinda cute. But I'm not a dog person. (Still, these books had real stories in them.)

Can I interest you in a book about a black cat who chews off her fur, and stares at you vacuously while you make coffee every morning? I have one of these. She is a charity cat. Can't say she is sweet tho. Not terribly endearing...don't know what to do with her...kinda sad really. :(

Joseph Lewis said...

But my pet is both adorable and magical! It cured my cancer, and brought my war-torn family together, and colonized Mars with the help of a spunky robot sidekick named Cutie-Bot!

How is that not saleable?

Rick said...

What if it's someone else's pet?

Stumbling, Bumbling Sled Dog: 'Sorry, This Is My First Iditarod'

Colorado Writer said...

If you hate Marley, you should read Dewey.

And my new puppy is cute. I was thinking of writing a PB called Puppy! Please Don't Pee!

:)

Leslie said...

LOL! Snort! Slobber! too funny!!!!

PurpleClover said...

I bet you cheered when Old Yeller was shot. :'-(

I could not pick up Marley & Me to save my life. I refuse to see the movie either.

Now if I commonly refer to my husband and children as pets (one dog and two little piggies) does that count them out? Should I send some pics just in case?? Only two are short and none are brown???

Lily Cate said...

Actually, I think every children's writer should write a story about their pets- and then lock it away in a desk drawer at the bottom of the sea.
Really, just get it out of your system, and then the rest of us will be spared.

christine tripp said...

Of course, you would make an exception about the dog to the right of this post, correct?
Now come on, THAT'S a FACE that is screaming for a book to be written about!!!:)

shell said...

Squirrels and geese, old hat.
But what about pandas? Or penguins? They were the critter du jour for a while.

Editorial Anonymous said...

Christine, isn't that dog the one from Absolute Zero?

Deirdre Mundy said...

Hey, EA! I was going to write a novel about my pet and now you posted this! Now I'll have to sue you for stealing my money-making idea!!!!! =)

Seriously, though, my husband and I are not huge pet people. Pets take time and effort. And, unlike children, they don't grow into people you can have an intelligent discussion with.....

Unfortunately, said children have been directing all discussions toward pets.

So we'll probably end up with a rabbit.

BTW-- what if it's a "ripped from the headlines" pet story? Like a YA horror about a crazy lady who keeps large primates as pets? (shiver. still giving me nightmares.)

Anonymous said...

I bet you're a cat person.

Anonymous said...

I thought owls were the new squid. Chihuahuas seem very 2005.

Editorial Anonymous said...

Owls are not the new squid!

But I want a book to have that title, now.

Anonymous said...

Don't get a rabbit. All they do is poop. They run, they hop and POOP POOP POOP. All over the place.

Trust me on this one. POOP POOP POOP SHE DOOP

Want a nice pet. Get a ROCK. And let your kids put the damn thing on the table.

Pick your battles (and pets) carefully.

Anonymous said...

How about, don't write stories about soccer Moms. Those are even worse. I don't care how overscheduled you are, and overscheduled does not equal complexity!

Anonymous said...

I guess you don't wanted my completed YA inspired by my pet fish. It's called,
THERE'S A GROUPER IN MY SWIMMING POOL!

Anonymous said...

Moms are in the sidelines, babe. Kids don't wanna read about em...mine included...nor do they want to read about grandparents..keep the adults for adult books...keh... and the sucky art that goes with them.


They want to read about THEMSELVES.

Sam Hranac said...

I fell in love with a book written by a toy poodle that lived in NYC. It was a vain, but otherwise good natured little beast. That was back in the early 60s. Can't remember the name of the book. Fortunately, my pets have refused to pick up the pen.

BuffySquirrel said...

Either the cat is bored and unhappy or it has fleas. Either is curable.

Anonymous said...

Timmy?

What's that mean? Lots of books are being submitted with characters named Timmy?

I do have a character in my WIP named Jimmy... is that okay? :)

Deirdre Mundy said...

Anon 2:22 -- Unfortunately, our local 4-H fair does not have a "Rock Barn". So it's bunnies.

(I'd rather do goats, but since we live in town I have a feeling that the neighbors might have rather... strong... feelings about them...)

----
Soccer Mom picture books??? You're kidding, right? I feel bored just thinking about them!

pulp said...

Not a pet (that I know of) (and if it was, it's long passed on), but I loved with all my heart Pantaloon, the black French poodle who loved ze Fronch pastries. Also Mrs. Ticklefeather's friend/pet puffin.

Sigh...Onward, in a fit of nostalgia, to the oop online booksellers!

Susan said...

What about "Stanely and Sophie" by Kate Jennings?? I quite enjoyed that one.

christine tripp said...

Don't get a rabbit. All they do is poop. They run, they hop and POOP POOP POOP. All over the place.

Bunnies also chew all wires in the home (think cat in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:)
EA, I assume you mean AZ the movie?
I've had people say he looks like the dog from Married with Children, the puppet from Fraggle Rock, many dogs on pet food commercials but, no, this dog does nothing to earn his kibble and, why would he when all he has to do is look sideways at you and he can have anything he wants. This is why we have so many books about pets, especially dogs. These critters, with brains the size of a peanut, run us:)

Deirdre Mundy said...

Dear Editor,

You've requested that I not write stories about my pets and send photos to illustrate.

Fine. I will now write stories about YOUR pets and send photos of THEM to illustrate.

Signed,

Creepy Stalker Author

P.S. Green is really not your color. And are you wearing the Lingerie I sent you?

shell said...

"igh...Onward, in a fit of nostalgia, to the oop online booksellers!"

Another flash back.
"Carbonel, the king of cats."

ae said...

The only wonderful thing about wabbits is you can puw on their eaws.

But they poo poo poo....yes they do do do!

And if you put em outside in a cage they will be eaten by wacoons.

Jo said...

A one-eyed cat with the mange?

Anonymous said...

Deirdre, you crack me up.

Jolie said...

Greeeaaat. Now I have a case of uncontrollable giggles at my place of work.

'Swhat I get for reading this blog on the clock (not to mention the comments).

Word verification: spins. See: The feeling in my head caused by excessive giggling.

Pixiewinkle said...

What if it gets stepped on?

Marissa Doyle said...

Um...rabbits won't poop poop poop all over the place if you take a few days to litter-box train them, guys. Just saying.