How much weight does a title hold in a query?I see a hell of a lot of bad titles. And that's ok! In the realm of 'things we can fix' this is an easy one.
I ask this because I find that even though I LOVE my manuscript I have yet to name it (and I feel that maybe I'll know my title by the time I hit the turning point so I'm being patient). In order to find it easier in Word I gave it a really basic name that I am totally unmarried to. But when I select a name that I totally love, I realize it may be a 50/50 shot of still being the title by the time it hits the shelves (maybe the odds are even less). Plus something I may think sounds FANTASTIC may be really nauseating to the agent.
But occasionally I see a title at the top of a manuscript that's so ill-conceived and promising of all the skin-crawling wackiness that the slush can offer that... I'm done reading.
My readers-- who are very imaginative-- could not come up with any title more awful than what I see in slush. As clever as they are, they have the handicap of sanity.
But if anyone would like to attempt to come up with a truly slush-worthy title, have at those comments!
60 comments:
For a picture book:
Hephaestos Catches Aphrodite and Ares
(In a Net!)
Secretary Geitner and the Big Bad Bankers
Kooky Kamel Kapers
Fluffy and the Fantastic Farting Flamingos
Fastidious Feline's Fabulous Fishing Fiasco
The Leaf That Ate Me
My Toes Turned Into a Piano and Then I Woke Up
All About Suicide
Little Bobby's Briss
I'm not sure these are all awful (I think I might read some) but I do believe they are mostly insane.
Bedazzling Boobies!
Hmmmm...bad titles? How about;
The Rash That Mommy Doesn't Talk About
Or
The Skinning Of Peter Cottontail
I could think of more, but I'm a little nauseous right now.
"The Earthworm Queen"
This is the actual title of the second volume of my cat's biography. Which exists as a single, handwritten, copy (have no fear; I won't be sending it to you!)
Cutesy Wootsey Teddy Bear and the Toy Box Brigade Versus Alien. Book IV in the Trilogy.
"New ways to read tea leaves"
"Moondust and Sparkle"
"Poison at Midnight"
"A Tale of Three Sheep"
"A Tale of Three Sheep, a Dog, and a Man in a Meadow"
Well, that's for starters.
Here are a few books I will never write:
Rambling Thoughts from a Dirt Field in South Dakota
Why Do I Pick My Nose?
Amoebas in Verse
I recently blogged about some translated picture books (referencing a post initially on Cheryl Klein's wonderful blog) and they had some cracker titles! Like: 'Where is my Leopard-dots Panty' and 'A Girl Born with a Sound of Fart' and 'Are they all Drunken?'
Full of skin-crawling wackiness. Love it.
Katherine
"Monkey Pee, Monkey Poo"
A picture book for potty training.
I'm almost afraid to type this because someone will steal my idea.
Mary Cotter and the Kidney Stone
(See, it's about this orphan girl who gets magic powers, but it's also about teaching children to deal with horrifically painful medical conditions! I smell a bestseller!)
A is for Antidisestablishmentarianism
Two Cheek Highway: A Colonoscopy Picture Book
Bobby Bopperly Learns to Hold A Pencil Properly
I am going through title turmoil myself. I recently sold a YA novel to HarperCollins and my editor feels the title I've been using all along won't do. Ugh. It's a painful process. But I understand.
However, the good news is that the book sold, even with the "dreadful" title.
"The Snuggly Bunnies bake a pie: A book so incredibly original and amazing that you probably won't appreciate it, but I already have an offer on the table from publishAmerica, So There!!!"
:P
So you'll be glad to see my pride and joy, Snodgrass the Ninja Pirate: Reckoning's Revenge, right?
Could I leave you my title that is the only thing I can come up with that I think is not so good, for votes to see if it is one of those ick titles? Because seriously I am dying!
Early favorites:
My Toes Turned Into a Piano and Then I Woke Up
Cutesy Wootsey Teddy Bear and the Toy Box Brigade Versus Alien
Two Cheek Highway: A Colonoscopy Picture Book
Chris, you clearly haven't seen Little Monkey's Big Peeing Circus
http://www.amazon.com/Little-Monkeys-Big-Peeing-Circus/dp/0810939495/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1237905358&sr=8-1
Aubrey, sure, if you want to.
The only thing I can think of for my MS is "Sydney in London" but I am not attached to it at all! Is it too hoaky?
Some of these are awesome! I particularly loved this, Gary:
Book IV in the Trilogy.
Let's see:
Barry Totter and the Stone that does Stuff and Stuff (about a boy who's a wizard that finds a stone... yep, exciting)
Bellybutton Fuzz and Other Hygenic Problems: A Memoir
Tales From the Monkey Pit (as told to me by the monkies at Lincoln Park Zoo and is a story specifically for monkies and they tell me you publishing houses are REALLY underserving their demographic)
Tin Foil Hats and Open Toed Shoes (a fashion guide)
My Snot Is More Colorful Than Your Snot: What Your Mucus Means.
I had to do something with the word "mucus." It is my least favorite word ever.
@Anonymous 8:06-
P is for Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism. (Oh, snap!)
No, that's fine, Aubrey. It will probably be changed, but it's not going to stop anyone from reading.
Cheers
EA
Oh, you do have imaginative readers! So funny.
This reminds me of that old post about crazy children's book titles, which you've all probably seen, but I'll share it anyway because it still makes me laugh.
You're Different And That's Bad
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have The Best Candy
I named my adventure book with a gullible hero "There's No Such Thing As Polar Bear Repellent Spray," which some loved, some hated.
Is it better to be bland, or to try to be original and risk being hated?
Aubrey - Sydney in London is a fine working title, but it doesn't tell me anything about the book, other than Sydney is in London. Maybe you could throw some action in there - Sydney Smith: Homesick in London. Sydney Smith and the London Bridge, Both Still Standing.
Good luck!
Well its good to know that it doesn't rank up there on the stink factor along with something like...
"Anorexia for Toddlers"
Sheila, that is my issue, it tells me nothing, but I can't think of one that conveys the nature of the novel that is more clever. Oh well. It's my place holder for now!
If You Give a Cookie to Walter the Farting Dinosaur Wizard Pirate
Pearl the Squirrel and Her Grandma Adopt a Warm and Fuzzy Love Puppy.
Aubrey, my YA's working title is "Senior Year." HOW LAME IS THAT. Your title at least lets us know Sydney is visiting London. My title? Who knows!
Pete and Repeat - Part 97
I think the title does make a difference. I had a PB turned down by ten publishers. After I changed the title (to one that was definitely better), the eleventh made an offer. Coincidence?
It is so good to know that I am not the only aspiring author who struggles with titles! I don't think I've ever read a published book and tought "that title sucks". In fact, more often than not I think, "Oh I get it! Double meaning, cool!"
I hate things like this though because they nag at my brain and inhibit my writing!
A Dark and Stormy Night
I think it's important to try to come up with a title that fits your manuscript.
I just started working with an agent who told me my query letter was a little dullsville, but the title of my YA manuscript made her laugh, so she took a look at the pages - which also made her laugh. (In a good way.) (I think.)
I thought The Moose With Loose Poops was pretty bad -- until I looked at it's Amazon rating.
I can't keep a straight face when I read HOP ON POP by Dr. Seuss. I think it was one of Lisa Yee's blog contests that changed my perspective. HA! HA!
Speaking of titles I was on a total... okay, death-kick sounds too morbid, but two deaths within a month had me brooding on Updike's "Perfection Wasted" poem until I realized it was the *perfect* title for one of my WIPs and I started going through my poem books looking for other good novel-titles in the index.
(I settled on "Let Evening Come" just because my previous working title was horribly uninspiringly depressing every time I clicked on it.)
Titles are like character-names to me: if one starts bugging me I can't focus on working till I've fixed it.
There's certainly a long tradition of mining poetry for novel titles. My favorite is A Swiftly Tilting Planet.
I would read "The Leaf That Are Me." I'm tempted to write it! Most books about fall are far too uneventful.
Creamed and Coddled: the story of an unlucky egg
The Princess and the Popper- a young woman finds love in the unlikely arms of a drug addict
Blow my Whistle- a history of referees
note to self- I sort of suck at this!
I would actually read a lot of these. The Earthworm Queen? I'm hooked already. 1001 Poems about Flies? I'd buy that. Maybe.
Word verification: hostappi
Titles from poetry.
Just think how many there are from just Yeat's 'Second Coming,' alone.
Slouching Towards Bethlehem
What Rough Beast
The Center Cannot Hold
The Blood Dimmed Tide.
Mutant Space Squirrels And Timmy Go to Dr. Horrible Dentistry
Don't forget Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe.
nw...that is required reading for
9th graders in our school system.
EA,
I'm not sure if Blogger ate my last comment, but in case not, I just wanted to let you know I was only joking!!!! I don't write PBs (they are too difficult for me), hence I had no ms to tear apart...
I hope I put a smiley to indicate a joke....if not, my bad.
:-) (Smiley meant to indicate cheerful mood and not joking)
I'll be quiet now...
Wonderful thread!
Picture Books:
Jesus Bear
Two Boys and a Ferret
Casper Carrot and his Carroty Friends
Hell and Damnation (Illustrated)
The Holocaust As Viewed Through The Eyes of a Stoat.
Everybody Poops by Gillian McKeith (only joking - well about the author anyway)
Things My Mommy Told Me Never to Put Into a Wood Chipper
by
One-Armed Henry
"The Only Book You Will Ever Need to Own"
"How I Defeated the Schoolyard Bully, Stole His Lunch Money, And Made Him Quack Like a Duck for the School Assembly"
"Tommy's Secret Cigarettes"
"Was there bacon involved?"
What about doing a #titlefail day on Twitter? Would love to see some of the worst titles ever to cross a slush pile.
The Tidy Nun.
Why My Mama Loves Coors Light More Than Me...and Boones Farm, Too
Boogers and Private Parts Don't Mix
Okay, so I'm not even good at naming bad titles, let alone good ones. Sigh......
EA,
I have a private blog with somebody else where we try to "out-do" each other in coming up with terrible, meaningless titles for each post, inspired by academia. Things like:
The Progressive Leanings of Intravenous Lead Poisonings
and
The Infinite Expansiveness of the Mind's Eye, and Other Short Stories
and
Bloodsport: An Interdisciplinary Look at Hierarchical Melancholy
I think they'd make excellent children's picture books as well.
David,
I agree.
EA
Kiki And Her Sick Appendix: A Trip to the Hospital.
Aw, I think Sydney in London is kind of cute, in a YA/chick flick sort of way.
I've seen some bad published titles, but mostly when I was, you know, eight years old... the ones like "Help! I Swept Out The Cats With My Uncle's Broomstick". They're more unsophisticated than straight-up bad, I guess.
By the way, I'd totally read the blog posts David mentioned. They could probably get published, too-- I mean, The Catcher in the Rye did.
Slightly off topic but in the new Adrian Mole book, his mum Pauline is writing a made up misery memoir:
A Girl Called Shit
Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)
Obat Untuk Mencegah Stroke
This really answered my problem, thank you!
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