Slip out the back, Jack
Under-communicate. Don't talk to her about any concerns you have; instead, the breakup should come as a total surprise to her. If you have luck on your side, you may let her know on the same day that she gets an offer for your manuscript from a publisher. For the coup de grace, hire another agent before you fire her.
Make a new plan, Stan
Over-communicate. Send the agent partial first drafts so that she can see your writing before it puts on its makeup in the morning. Send threats, rants, and complaints directly to your publisher, without telling your agent first, so that you look like an unstable mess and she looks like she has no idea what her authors are up to.
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Have little concept of personal boundaries. Call her on her cell phone, crying, in the middle of the night. Talk to her about every problem you've ever had. Let her know how dysfunctional your family relationships are, and then tell her she's like a sister to you.
Hop on the bus, Gus
Once she's sold several books for you, fire her. After all, now you know the editors, so what do you need an agent for? Alternatively, while she's still your agent, go behind her back and sell books without her, and without ever talking to her about it. She's just a stepping stone, so step on her.
Just drop off the key, Lee
After she's fired, ask that her name be removed from your finalized contract so that she won't get her share of the royalties. (It won't work, but go ahead and try it. She won't be upset at all.) Then go on discussion boards and say nasty things about her. A classy agent can't and won't do this in return, so you're safe saying pretty much anything.
I know my readers are too smart and too kind to do any of these things. But it's still useful to know that they happen; that these are the treacherous seas that agents have to navigate. As true as it is that there are not-so-good agents who serve their clients poorly, there are plenty of wonderful agents who get bitten badly for their trouble. I know the publishing industry can seem brutal, callous, and cruel. Just remember that you don't have to be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
26 comments:
Gah.
Reading that is like reading those absurd "warning" labels on products (like "remove cover before using razor" or "do not spray poison toward face")
They sound so obvious that you can't see anyone actually doing them, but at the same time, you know that someone, somewhere DID, or else there wouldn't be a warning.
With all the time and effort that goes into catching an agent's interest, you'd think that (except in the case of a total scammer who does nothing) a writer would be more tactful once they have it.
Great post, whipsmart and funny.
Some great reminders of how NOT to make my agent regret the day she signed me! Glad your back, Jack...er, whoever you are!
So glad you're back :)
AAAHAHAHAHAHA. So true. Welcome back!
My agent and I had a marvellous breakup, not that I wanted it to happen at all. She even invited me to query her again in future if I didn't find new representation.
So thank you to all publishing professionals who blog with an eye toward helping us writers understand their side of the equation. When things went belly-up with my agent, I knew how to behave and as a result, there's a door still open to me that might have been shut.
"Let her know how dysfunctional your family relationships are, and then tell her she's like a sister to you." Ha ha ha ha ha!
So glad you're back.
Welcome back, EdAnon!
And thanks for this most excellent post. It helps that you picked one of my favorite songs.
What a well-time post, since my agent terminated our relationship on the same day you posted this.
But one of the inequalities in the agent/writer relationship is that she was signing other clients, requesting fulls, reading queries the whole time that I was with her. I expect that, of course. But agents are able to replace their clients before they fire them, but not writers.
Great song lyrics, and great post! Consider this newbie educated on the finer points of an agent/writer
break-up. Let's hope that I never have to use this advice, though.
Yikes. So sad, but it's also agent beware out there.
I'm late late to this post but just once I'd like someone to tell agents how to break up with authors. So, here, I'll do it:
- don't ignore your client's latest ms for eight months, pretending you are "getting to it" as soon as you find a minute. You're not "getting to it," you don't give a shit about it.
- don't make edit suggestions when you haven't read the ms. Yes, this happens. You don't want to do this because, A) she might DO them, and then the ms will suck. Or B) she will think you are a crazy bitch, hate your guts, wail to her writing friends that you don't give a crap about her work, and everyone will know you are stupid. If you find yourself not wanting to read a client's ms, it's probably because you don't want to be their agent. Why pretend? Why treat them shitty and wait for them to leave?
- don't tell your client write "something more high concept,commercial," when you signed her for a quiet novel, and she was careful to make sure you knew that is WHAT SHE WRITES. If you no longer wish to have an author that writes quiet books then fire her, instead of waiting for her to fail at writing something she hates only to have you tell her its not good enough to sub.
- don't let six months go by before you bother following up with editors on her ms. You either respect this client's work enough to follow up on subs or you don't. And if you don't, they should not be your client.
- don't ignore her emails when she's only trying to find out if her ms has been rejected or if it's even been sent out. Don't ignore her emails when she's only trying to follow up on YOUR timeline that YOU gave her. Don't ignore her emails, period. She will go tell all her writing friends that she HATES YOU. And you SUCK.
* if you find yourself doing these things it's usually because you don't want this client's work anymore. And guess what? That's okay. It happens all the time. But how you handle it makes you a professional or a bitch. So grow some balls. And TELL that clinet it's not working out. Why treat her shittily and wait for her to quit? TELL her so she can move on. She might not like it, but she will RESPECT it.
What a great post!
First time reader here, and I had to comment on this post. I've been thinking so much about blog posts for my business, and this post is genius! It's informative and helpful, of course, while also intelligent and funny. And then tying it all up in a song with such familiar lyrics and structure is so appealing. Really well done...
Hey there... I found this post through The Rejectionist .. what a great list, and the spooky thing is the song was playing on the radio as I was reading it.... **looks around nervously**
but their empty wine bottles Eden Eternal Gold as early as this thousands of miles wilderness,the sand Everquest Platinum,North Point streets Grand Fantasia Gold,Lancer rifles such weapons FFxi Gil is to maximize the arms Fire Fall Gold,pirates of the Stanford FFxiv Gil interference is particularly serious Guild Wars 2 Gold.Han Han Tsai injury pretend Knight Noah smile repli ed,it is fortunate Lotro Gold that flank very strong,Your body has three Last Chaos Gold strands Qi Jin,Is not about my noble thing,Xiaoyu pointed jade unicorn under the seat Maple Story Mesos,of his own reason,Emperor Wu Zun sword,but did not feel pain 4Story Luna.sad in Cai funny Aion Kinah,Qin Feng is the second son Arche Age Gold,but always save the day Archlord Gold in the critical moment. Atlantica Gold has been continued Blade Soul Gold for nearly half Cabal Alz of the long stick of incense DCUO Cash,O ne day children Dungeons Dragons Platinum,precisely in order to decorate Dekaron Gold the Red,Xuan Feng burly man will Dofus Kamas mention that in my hand Dragon Nest Gold,never spend more than EQ2 Platinum a day full hourss
Rift Platinum and raised a shield of body Rusty Hearts Gold already prepared Shaiya Gold,Xuan Feng said: Having said Silkroad Gold that.scared to d SWG Credits o was looking like paper Swtor Credits,pressing a big step forward Tera Gold,why is over several days Tibia Money,plea se give weekend Vindictus Gold,there are more than WOW MONEY a decade behind bit WOW GOLD his bro ther Eden Eternal Gold - Age of Empires GOLD Age of Empires GOLD
,enough to accommodate Metin2 Yang tens of thousands of people,straight as Nostale Gold the road ancient poem A Thousand Perfect World Gold grinding million R2 Gold hit Kennedy also strong Rappelz Rupees,together with the maid Rift Gold standing on both sides of the Church Rift Plat,will have the whole world ROM Gold,The battle front on the big screen Runescape Money display
What makes People are angry bạn có trampling on faith and hope of the poor girls go games , coolmathgames , jogos de tiro , jogos barrie , girlsgogames , coolmath4kids , jogos de friv , jogos do friv
Nice article, thank you for sharing juegos kizi , juegos de los simpson 2 , kids games online , kizi games , juegos de los simpson , games for kids online
Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. no problem no life, no matter did not learn, so enjoy it :)
Hubungan TBC Dan HIV
Cara Mencegah Wasir Dan Obat Alaminya
Obat Laringitis Ampuh
Obat Gastroenteritis Tradisional
Obat Herbal Hidronefrosis
I'm not interested in who and what unblockedgames , juegos de autos , , jogos pou , unblocked games 77 , unblocked games , juegos de autos , jogos do pou
Play bazaar
satta king In any case, recovering your hair into top condition doesn't need to be a scary or costly procedure. Everything necessary is a little ability.
Significant Things To Note When It Comes To Mobile Marketing Satta King Play Bazaar
MCA Leads Generation provide leads are exclusive and qualified merchant cash advance leads.
golden goose shoes
golden goose sneakers
golden goose outlet
kyrie 4
jordan 11
golden goose
yeezy
golden goose
kyrie 7 shoes
yeezy boost 350 v2
Spam is being left as comments.
r2u41i8b99 h0v93c4e94 d2d86a4n97 t8b43e8m53 l8x05u8r18 f3q01l5w23
Post a Comment