Monday, June 25, 2007

Little Red Pudding Head

A short story with a moral.

Once upon a time there was a hopeful author, and everywhere she went she wore a little red cape and asked total strangers if they would help her get published. Her plumber couldn't help her get published. Her hairdresser couldn't help her get published. Finally it occurred to her to send her manuscript to members of her alma mater’s faculty, guilting them into writing a letter of recommendation.

Now she was all ready. She sent her manuscript and the letters of recommendation to the Big Bad Editor. At first the Big Bad Editor was puzzled by the praise two economics professors had offered a rhymed alphabet book about vitamins. But then she shrugged her shoulders and ate the author for lunch.

The moral:
Clueless? Like to bother strangers for the hell of it? I don’t want to work with you.


heidi said...


rilla jaggia said...'s late and I've had too much wine after crying my eyes out after being eaten by BIG BAD EDITOR, but do you see two Little Red Pudding Heads posted up there too?

Brenda Sturgis said...

But did the editor have to add salsa, or was that author spicy enough already? And what about salt and pepper?

I thought FOR SURE that was the way to get published, perhaps if the author had included family photos of her first born inside her goody basket that may have done the trick.

And children everywhere would be healhier because they would clamor to take their rhyming vitamins!


Anonymous said...

Okay, here's what I'd like to know. About what percentage of the slush pile is made up of stuff that's this outrageous? IOW, if I act like a professional and write well, what portion of the slush pile am I really competing with? If you get a lot of clueless subs like this, that it's needless to say have no chance, why do so many excellent writers, published and unpublished, have to submit like ten times and then sell the ms., unchanged, on the eleventh? That ms. must have impressed some or most of the first ten as being of publishable caliber. When you find these writers among the unspeakably bad slush, aren't you saying "OMG, this one is actually for real"? Yet it's almost sure to get just as rejected as rhyming vitamins.

Anonymous said...

And when I stop laughing, I'll sigh because I've seen hopeful writers behave this way. One even made her way onto our local TV morning show to talk about her MANUSCRIPT!!!! I nearly lost my coffee, hearing the host ask her questions about characters and plot.
That was about five years ago and I've yet to see her name at the bookstore.

Anonymous said...

Wait, tell me this isn't real. But then who could make up something this outrageous?
Seriously, someone really did this? Someone needs to borrow Ms. Snark's clue gun.

Anonymous said...

Some of us are afraid of piss ant agents of which there are we tread lightly and spare our delicate feet.

Anuthur Hopeful Neeewbie author/illustrator

Anonymous said...

This goes in the "notes section" where I was but... yet again I messed...

Anonymous said...

YES, LYNNE!!!! [If you are referring to the T.V. morning show. If not, don't read the following.]
The author-NOT had an old VW Beetle she painted up with the title of the unpublished manuscript. She drove it around town, parking it at various venues to attract attention. Then she wangled her way to this morning show. Of course she told the T.V. watching world, her book was way better than H.P. And it was going Hollywood blah blah blah.
The depressing thing was, lots of my friends saw this masquerade and said to me, "Did ya see that author? Have you read her BOOK?" The viewers didn't get the fact that it was an UNSOLD manuscript. They assumed it was published because she spoke on and on about it. Perception is everything.
Moving on to Eragon. Did you know Christopher P. self-published the first copies of the book? Then he went around Montana, selling Eragon at fairs, libraries, schools etc. dressed in a wacky costume. Lucky for him, Carl Hiaasen bought a copy for his son at a street fair or some such table. Carl showed it to his editor and the rest is bloody history.
Go figure on the costume.
In finale here... if you have one of these homemade editions, sell it on Ebay for big bucks.

LindaBudz said...

Everyone knows economists make the best PB reviewers.

Anonymous said...

Actually I meant, please tell me the rhyming vitamin story reviewed by economics professors was made up, but the story about the morning show is equally hilarious.
Amazing we haven't seen this woman's blockbuster novel in the bookstores yet.

Anonymous said...

Not so unbelievable. There are manuscripts that come with a wad of e-mail printouts from friends, stating how much they love this collection of short stories written by a 4-year-old.

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