Sunday, December 7, 2008

Slush and Punishment: Ta-Ta, Ta-Tas!

Dear Editor,
Are you a mother? Did your child ask for breastfeeding in public places? Did you not know how to wean him/her? In Ta-Ta, Ta-Tas, little Jimmy learns that there are lots of good snacks that don't come in mommy's blouse and how they can have emotional comfort just like mommy's sweet ta-tas.
((Shudder.))

26 comments:

Madame Lefty said...

And this is why, I probably will never have kids.

*shudders*

Deirdre Mundy said...

You know, I AM a mother. And I DO have a 15 month old who likes to nurse in public.

The solution isn't a book. It's big blankets, appropriate clothing, and, when the time is really not right, just saying 'no.'

If your child is old enough to learn about appropriate and inappropriate from a book, he's also old enough to understand

"Not right now, it would be rude to others. After we get home."

I almost feel like the person who wrote this book was NOT a mother. Or at least not one able to use the 'no' word.

Of course, I don't do the "potty-book" thing either....

Jeanie W said...

Is that supposed to be a picture book???

jeanne said...

Seems like Jimmy Sr. wants mommy's "sweet ta-tas" all to himself.

eluper said...

I actually see it as a pop-up book.

David Macinnis Gill said...

...with pull tabs.

Colorado Writer said...

oh my god.

Ebony McKenna. said...

It's very dangerous to read your blog while having a cup of soup.

Is anyone here a fan of Little Britain?
"... bitty"
"not right now dear"
"Bitty!"
"Oh all right dear."

corks said...

Oh my good sweet gravy.

Clare K. R. Miller said...

Um.

I suspect this is written by one of those people who gets freaked out seeing women breastfeed in public. Definitely not written by a mother.

Brenda Ferber said...

I don't know what's funnier, your post or eluper's comment!

Deirdre Mundy said...

Clare:

I bet your right. In fact, she's probably hoping to get it published so that she can give a copy to that crazy-hippy-dippy-la-leche-league daughter-in-law of hers who has the GALL not to have started her 6 week old on rice cereal yet!

;)

Anonymous said...

I really, really hope the word "bodacious" appears somewhere in this manuscript.

Jane Smith said...

It's very informative to read the opinions of publishing professionals.

It also ruins keyboards. I shall now proceed to eluper's blog to wreak my revenge for that!

baby said...

Dear Mommy,

Please don't refer to them as "ta-tas." You're damaging any possibility of me having normal relationships with women in the future.

Love,
Your toddler

christine tripp said...

and how they can have emotional comfort just like mommy's sweet ta-tas.

Hard to pick out the worst line in that post but the above is a great beginning, can we all say "eating disorder"!!!
Now honestly, this isn't a real book is it, not a REAL submission... you MUST be making this one up!:)
Ebony, LOVE Little Britain :)

Anonymous said...

Anyone heard of the breast pump? That might just solve the public feeding 'crisis'

This is a ta-ta bit disturbing.

shell said...

AaaH!
EA, whatever you get paid, it's not enough. Even more respect that you still accept and read unsolicited manuscripts.

Marian said...

Pop-up, with pull tabs AND with textures. You know, like Pat the Bunny. Or scratch-n-sniff.

I'd buy that - it would make a great gag gift for a guy I know.

Anonymous said...

"Now honestly, this isn't a real book is it, not a REAL submission... you MUST be making this one up!:)"

Christine, I had the same thought. This can NOT be a serious submission, can it?

Deirdre Mundy said...

You know, my son would really dig the pop-up...

He's just over a year, but recently he's started pointing at barbies (and me, occasionally, after a nurse), shrieking "Breasts!" and then falling over laughing.....

(rolls eyes)I thought this sort of behavior didn't start until 5th grade, at least!

Anonymous said...

EWWW...


"Lots of good snacks that don't come in mommy's blouse?"

That sounds like a book for the kids father, no?

Heather Werner said...

oh my...

Yat-Yee said...

You didn't make this up.

My verification word is "dinetter.")

writtenwyrdd said...

Oh my goodness. Just...no.

pulp said...

Did you really get a query like this? About breast-feeding huge lumps of walking, talking kids who are able to, and do, unbutton their mothers' blouses to get at the breasts? In public? And fuss about it?

Things that make you go eeuww!

Breast-feeding: a very good thing
Breast-feeding in public of anyone over the age of one, or able to __tell__ the milk supply to whip 'em out: gross.

But then, whoever published the book about bowel movements made lots of money.