Sunday, April 13, 2008

Swiss Family Ninjason

Some guy named Larry has introduced a discussion of the Ninja Replacement Score for literature.

The idea is: By how many characters in a work would replacement by ninjas be an improvement? So the best score is zero. And the worst score is all (which, by convention, is scored as "infinity"). This amuses me.

I think our offices would be improved if all the managing editors were replaced by ninjas (not that they're that far off already).

But after trying to play this game with my sister for a few minutes (her: "Tale of Despereaux: 1 --the narrator." me: "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: infinity!") we found it hard to apply in ways that really represented how we felt about some books. ("So Gone with the Wind gets a 41, but The Kissing Hand gets a 2? Where's the justice?")

So we started a new game: what character needs to be added to a book to improve it? (me: "The Giving Tree: The Wuggly Ump" her: "Pride and Prejudice: Mr. T" me: "Love You Forever: Dr. Spock")

Who else wants to play?

24 comments:

eluper said...

I think for the ninja game to really be a good reflection of book suck, it would have to be expressed as a ratio against the total number of characters in the book. Maybe that's the missing piece...

Deirdre Mundy said...

Harry Potter --Add Sam Gsmgee

Oh... and The Dragonriders of Pern has a pretty high ninja score , but the Temeraire books probably need only one or two ninjas. =)

literaticat said...

Actually, I think Love You Forever needs Dr. Freud.

ChristineEldin said...

This is fun! I'm not sure if I totally get it, but here goes:

"On Chesil Beach" Dr. Kevorkian

ae said...

Very Funny, literaticat!!

I think Love You Forever needs Dr. Kevorkian. This is after it has been analyzed by Dr. Freud

Andrea Beaty said...

IF YOU GIVE A MOOSE A MUFFIN could use a flying squirrel.

"Gee, Bullwinkle, are you sure you should eat that muffin? You know what happens when you eat a lot of fiber."

Deirdre Mundy said...

Oh! And I want to thank you for making bedtime reading extra-giggly (for me at least.)

When I read "Kim and Carrots" for the tenth time in a row, I pictured Carrots as a Ninja and the story seemed fresh again! (watch out, Kim.... there's a Ninja on the clothesline!)

Also, I'd like to replace the Kitten in "Are you my mother" with a ninja... teehee...

And in "Guess How Much I Love You" the rabbits should TOTALLY be Ninjas!

My enthusiasm for this project caused my husband to hide all the black sharpees.... not that I'd deface my kids' books, but...

(Oh, BTW-- the "Ninja Haggadah" discussion in the comments on the original post was also priceless....)

Brian Floca said...

But what do you do with a bad book that's already about ninjas? Replace the ninjas with Jane Austen characters?

Anonymous said...

Too Scary:

what if the mom in Love You Forever WAS A NINJA!!!

Andrea Beaty said...

Are you kidding? She is a ninja. Did you see how that old lady silently creeps through the window? She's probably packing nunchucks in her purse.

Anonymous said...

Captain Underpants should make an appearance in Catcher in the Rye.

(And a few ninjas in the final scene of Animal Farm...)

ae said...

Shouldn't that be Caught You in the Fly?



Sorry.

janni said...

I think it's the child in Love You Forever who needs to be a ninja. Let Mom see how well climbing in the window works out then. :-)

Adaora A. said...

In Pride and Prejudice they should add someone who can murder Mr. Wickham and smack Lizzie upside the head for believing his well woven fables.

The bastard.

lnhammer said...

I have had people suggest that a better scorecard would be pirates instead of ninjas. Opening it up to any replacements is an interesting idea.

---L.

rivergirlie said...

is this just regular ninjas or ninja turtles?
there's a very funny book by frank cottrell boyce in which a boy, obssessed with the ninja turtles, gets mistaken for an expert in renaissance art (with hilarious results)

Anonymous said...

RUNAWAY BUNNY with bunny as ninja and mother rabbit as a zombie

beth said...

GOODNIGHT MOON --> GOODNIGHT NINJA

A bedtime story I would have loved!

Anonymous said...

"Sense and Sensibility": Mr. Hyde :)

Carly said...

What does it say about me if I can't think of ANY book that wouldn't be dramatically improved by a marauding gang of ninjas?

I guess I know what book I'm writing next!

Anonymous said...

Wuthering Heights--add Mary Poppins. Someone needed to crack heads and take names in that book.

Deirdre Mundy said...

Of course, we could also play the game of "what character would make a book EVEN WORSE?"

Such as: Wuthering Heights-- Dr. Phil and Oprah......

I think Darcy and Elizabeth would improve Wuthering Heights-- Katherine and Heathcliffe could have used some next door neighbors with a sense of the absurd.

Of course, it would also be greatly improved by being put into semaphore:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=q9v3C08oLqA

Deirdre Mundy said...

*Evil Grin*

And Atwood's Handmaid's Tale could be "improved" by replacing the main character with.....

Julie Andrews! The book's such a downer... it needs some spinning on hillsides and singing......

*end evil grin...*

Richard said...

I rather think The Giving Tree could use Glinda, the Good Witch of the North.

Love You Forever needs a pregnant, Goth, tween-age sister.