Some guy named Larry has introduced a discussion of the Ninja Replacement Score for literature.
The idea is: By how many characters in a work would replacement by ninjas be an improvement? So the best score is zero. And the worst score is all (which, by convention, is scored as "infinity"). This amuses me.
I think our offices would be improved if all the managing editors were replaced by ninjas (not that they're that far off already).
But after trying to play this game with my sister for a few minutes (her: "Tale of Despereaux: 1 --the narrator." me: "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: infinity!") we found it hard to apply in ways that really represented how we felt about some books. ("So Gone with the Wind gets a 41, but The Kissing Hand gets a 2? Where's the justice?")
So we started a new game: what character needs to be added to a book to improve it? (me: "The Giving Tree: The Wuggly Ump" her: "Pride and Prejudice: Mr. T" me: "Love You Forever: Dr. Spock")
Who else wants to play?
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26 comments:
I think for the ninja game to really be a good reflection of book suck, it would have to be expressed as a ratio against the total number of characters in the book. Maybe that's the missing piece...
Harry Potter --Add Sam Gsmgee
Oh... and The Dragonriders of Pern has a pretty high ninja score , but the Temeraire books probably need only one or two ninjas. =)
Actually, I think Love You Forever needs Dr. Freud.
This is fun! I'm not sure if I totally get it, but here goes:
"On Chesil Beach" Dr. Kevorkian
Very Funny, literaticat!!
I think Love You Forever needs Dr. Kevorkian. This is after it has been analyzed by Dr. Freud
IF YOU GIVE A MOOSE A MUFFIN could use a flying squirrel.
"Gee, Bullwinkle, are you sure you should eat that muffin? You know what happens when you eat a lot of fiber."
Oh! And I want to thank you for making bedtime reading extra-giggly (for me at least.)
When I read "Kim and Carrots" for the tenth time in a row, I pictured Carrots as a Ninja and the story seemed fresh again! (watch out, Kim.... there's a Ninja on the clothesline!)
Also, I'd like to replace the Kitten in "Are you my mother" with a ninja... teehee...
And in "Guess How Much I Love You" the rabbits should TOTALLY be Ninjas!
My enthusiasm for this project caused my husband to hide all the black sharpees.... not that I'd deface my kids' books, but...
(Oh, BTW-- the "Ninja Haggadah" discussion in the comments on the original post was also priceless....)
But what do you do with a bad book that's already about ninjas? Replace the ninjas with Jane Austen characters?
Too Scary:
what if the mom in Love You Forever WAS A NINJA!!!
Are you kidding? She is a ninja. Did you see how that old lady silently creeps through the window? She's probably packing nunchucks in her purse.
Captain Underpants should make an appearance in Catcher in the Rye.
(And a few ninjas in the final scene of Animal Farm...)
Shouldn't that be Caught You in the Fly?
Sorry.
I think it's the child in Love You Forever who needs to be a ninja. Let Mom see how well climbing in the window works out then. :-)
In Pride and Prejudice they should add someone who can murder Mr. Wickham and smack Lizzie upside the head for believing his well woven fables.
The bastard.
I have had people suggest that a better scorecard would be pirates instead of ninjas. Opening it up to any replacements is an interesting idea.
---L.
is this just regular ninjas or ninja turtles?
there's a very funny book by frank cottrell boyce in which a boy, obssessed with the ninja turtles, gets mistaken for an expert in renaissance art (with hilarious results)
RUNAWAY BUNNY with bunny as ninja and mother rabbit as a zombie
GOODNIGHT MOON --> GOODNIGHT NINJA
A bedtime story I would have loved!
"Sense and Sensibility": Mr. Hyde :)
What does it say about me if I can't think of ANY book that wouldn't be dramatically improved by a marauding gang of ninjas?
I guess I know what book I'm writing next!
Wuthering Heights--add Mary Poppins. Someone needed to crack heads and take names in that book.
Of course, we could also play the game of "what character would make a book EVEN WORSE?"
Such as: Wuthering Heights-- Dr. Phil and Oprah......
I think Darcy and Elizabeth would improve Wuthering Heights-- Katherine and Heathcliffe could have used some next door neighbors with a sense of the absurd.
Of course, it would also be greatly improved by being put into semaphore:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=q9v3C08oLqA
*Evil Grin*
And Atwood's Handmaid's Tale could be "improved" by replacing the main character with.....
Julie Andrews! The book's such a downer... it needs some spinning on hillsides and singing......
*end evil grin...*
I rather think The Giving Tree could use Glinda, the Good Witch of the North.
Love You Forever needs a pregnant, Goth, tween-age sister.
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