Felicia saw unicorns everywhere. She dreamt of unicorns. Every night they came to her in herds and told her about the scarcity of magical flowers, the joy of galloping through the stars, and how much they disliked Mrs. Fuchee, who lived next door to Felicia and wouldn’t let them test her lawn for hidden springs for fear they’d pierce her bulbs.Before you submit a manuscript, ask yourself: Is your main character suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder? Are you?
And also check said manuscript for run-ons. That third sentence is a killer.
ReplyDeleteMy husband said this blurb made it sound like the heroine was about to kill her next door neighbor under the orders of the talking unicorns.
ReplyDelete(Actually, that could be kinda fun... then she could go on the run with the "unicorns" and the whole adventure would be twisted by her insane perceptions, and at the end the reader would be left wondering what was real and what was the madness.....
Sort of like "The Bell Jar"... where after a while Sylvia Plath starts sounding almost reasonable and the reader ends up descending into madness with her.....
Here's one I got a two days ago... must be something in the water.
ReplyDelete'It was a special horse, with wings of golden white feathers and bright manes and a huge horn that glistened in the sunlight. The horse looked at her with loving eyes and with his head invited her to jump on him. She jumped on and the next moment they came to the ocean and she spotted a pod of dolphins playing. ‘Dolphins’, Emma screamed excitedly’, ‘I love dolphins!’
The horse flew over to the pod and she noticed one of the dolphins had a distinct marking on its top fin, and as it jumped up towards Emma with smiling eyes, she fell in love with it immediately.
The horse lowered till it was right above the water and Emma jumped into the sea. The horse winked at her as away it flew.'
Oh and I forgot to mention that the notes say it's a picture book series...
ReplyDeletePierce me with that huge glistening horn now and put me out of my misery.
Oh, and there are pyramids in it too.
And try saying all possible pronounciations of your characters' names out loud.
ReplyDeleteFuchee...rhymes with lucky.
Felicia has been dipping in the LSDsia again.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one that imagines an 8-year-old unicorn-crazy bookworm reading this on a rainy Saturday afternoon and turning the page...
ReplyDeleteAre you sure that one wasn't written by an 11 year-old? My 11 year old daughter wrote a story the other day about a unicorn princess who wore beautiful flowers in her hair. Another unicorn who was very jealous of the princess unicorn kidnapped her and held her prisoner in the bottom of a volcano. A prince unicorn wandered by, heard the princess unicorn screaming for help, and rescued her. Her father was so grateful to the prince unicorn that he offered him his daughter's hand in marriage. The prince unicorn thought the princess unicorn was beautiful so he agreed. They lived happily ever after.
ReplyDeleteShe even drew pictures for the story. I can send it to you if you'd like to read it. ;o)
krw3b said...
ReplyDeleteAnd try saying all possible pronounciations of your characters' names out loud.
Fuchee...rhymes with lucky.]
Now see when I pronounced the name, it rhymed with knee.
I assumed it was supposed to rhyme with "sashay," but then I didn't even think dirty on the "conspicuous large nuts" until someone commented to that effect. Lordy, sometimes I'm oblivious!
ReplyDeleteFuchee...touche (can't make the accent egoooooooooooo)
ReplyDeleteFuchee...slushie
Fuchee...sushi
Fuchee...lucky
depends on your state of mind and the tone of the script.
I would not be surprised to find out that one of the kids in my students' writing group sent that in. It sounds just like what they write.
ReplyDeleteThat explains it, ae.
ReplyDeleteMy state of mind always shoots straight to the gutter.
LOL.
Hate to say it, but the books my daughter pulls off the shelf at the library (in Germany, but many/most are English translations) sound a LOT like this. Daughter is 5 and loooooooves this kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteFrightening!
My three-year-old is unicorn nuts....
ReplyDeleteSo she's fallen in love with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus
Which is bizarre, because these unicorns are really not sweet at all.
My unicorn could kick that unicorn's butt.
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