Things to Do While I'm in LA

101 Reasons to Stop Writing's guest blogger tells us just how reasonable the recent Forbes article "How Amazon Could Change Publishing" is. Nice to see someone with "sir" in their name isn't above describing the reason a book isn't published as "shitness".

Literaticat, otherwise known as a children's bookseller and a rather up-and-coming agent, asks for questions. Go on, then.

Nevermind about my failure to blog much in the last week; go bother Nathan Bransford about his last post being from Friday.

Editorial Ass points us to a video that alternately amuses me and gives me a headache.

Making Up for Lost Time

Ok, I have some catching up to do. The backlog that occasionally overwhelms all editors (even compulsive ones like me) struck this spring. Happily, I've fought it out and will not be joining the ranks of the permanently backlogged (like some people I know, and feel for).

First off: you wanted to know what happened to the manuscript I was all excited about in early November: I showed it to a few other people here, and some of them said "eh" (they were wrong, obviously) and some of them had questions. I asked the author for a rewrite, and got it. It was even better! I took the rewrite to an acquisitions meeting, and there was again a small (and wrong-headed) percentage of "eh," but happily no one listened to the nay-sayers and I prevailed! I acquired it last month. And now it is mine, mine... mwah-ha-ha!
Now I move on to plotting the eventual downfall and subjugation of all readers to its charms. And it needs an illustrator. That, too.

Next: the Poetry Contest! Only two months late! Grand prize winner gets swag mailed to him/her from BEA.

Book Buyer Blogs: Voodoo Curses and Refreshments

Beyond the book itself, the rep's thoughts, and sales history (if any), what influences your buy? How much does a marketing plan, for example, sway your other instincts?

Remember, for frontlist we are buying six months or so in advance, so the only thing I really have to go on is the catalogue copy and rep. If it is a book that the pub has dedicated a large marketing budget to, that will be part of the rep's pitch. He might say something like "we're tremendously excited about this one, it is our lead title, we've had great reads from booksellers, so-and-so and so-and-so blurbed it" in which case, I'll probably get a stack. Or, "this might look dumb, but trust me, it is gonna be everywhere," and then I'll probably get a couple.

Post-publication, you are guaranteed brought in if you have a glowing review in the New York Times, my city paper's book section, NPR or Oprah. Also, post-publication, if a staff member reads it and is handselling it, I'll keep a stack. And if you are a local author and mensch, same.

For an author with a history, what (if anything) helps to overcome a lower sales history?

It is better to be a brand-new author with nothing but fresh-faced innocence, a big grin and a shiny new book, than to be a ho-hum writer with a few books that have lousy-to-meh sales histories. A new book has nowhere to go but up, and optimism from the pub can be high. It is much tougher to get excited about something that feels shopworn.

In my opinion, the only thing that will overcome a history of meh sales is a breakout book – either get a big promo push from somewhere, you gain a fan with an NPR show, you get a movie deal, you write a different kind of book, or you just somehow catch the zeitgeist. It certainly happens, all the time, but it is tough to predict what book will be the breakout, or why. Perhaps the why/how of a breakout is a question for the editorial side -- though I suspect that if anyone knew the answer to that, they'd be too busy counting their gold coins to read and respond to blogs.

What is involved in the decision to place a certain title cover-side-out instead of just shelving it (showing only the spine)?

Sort of in this order: Newness, Quantity, Space, Cover Hotness, and Personal Preference. We tend to try and face out everything that we have more than three copies of. This is hardly a science – sometimes we just need to fill some space. While it is a fact that all books sell better on a shelf with lots of face-outs, sometimes and in some sections, there is just no room.

What is the average time that a title remains that way?

Until we need more room on the shelf, or something cuter and newer comes along, or we sell down too far. One book does not a faceout make. [EA clarifies: a single copy of a title rarely gets placed face-out because it sits too far back on the shelf and is shadowed. And, understandably, booksellers want to promote most prominently the books that are taking up the most space (or money) in the store.]

What is the busiest time of year for books to be bought/sold?

Christmukkah is the busiest time from the retail end, of course. October is usually the busiest time for the events people. May is pretty crazy for buyers. Summer is dead for everyone, in my experience, though the store does pretty well with paperbacks and required summer reading.

How are author signings arranged at stores? Does it have to be through the agent/publisher or is it bad if the author tries to manage that him/herself?

The "big six" publishers – Random House, Penguin, Harper, Simon, Hachette, Macmillan – and to a lesser extent, HMH, Scholastic and Candlewick on the kid's side -- typically set up author tours through their in-house publicists and our events coordinator. If you are an author with one of these publishers, please please speak to your publicist and get the OK from them before you approach any bookstore. It is profoundly annoying for all when an author and publicist are working at cross-purposes to one another. This is a quick way to end up with no event, and booksellers and publicists with grudges against you.

If you are local, or with a smaller pub, you should still ask the publicist, but you will probably end up setting it up yourself. (Advice about that is too long to go into here, and in any case can be found all over the net.)

Not exactly up your alley but is it bad to bring treats/food for either the employees or potential customers at a books signing?

I like to have treats at events, but every bookstore probably has different ideas about that. I would ask the events person, make sure they allow food, and that way they'll be prepped and have a table ready for you.

Remember, make it NEAT food, nothing that will get ground into the carpet, and light/clear beverages (white wine, sparkling water) only. As far as yummy treats for the staff – always appreciated, in my experience. We make minimum wage and are hungry!

What happens when someone (not me) calls up and special-orders a book (not mine) that's not on the shelf and then doesn't pick it up? Does that book (again, not mine) end up just being shelved? Or does it go back to (not my) publisher?

Someone places the order, someone else receives the order, someone calls you and finds a place to put your order on the hold shelf. There it stays for a week or two, while we spend staff time calling you and reminding you. If you don't pick it up or refuse it, it goes in a box under my desk. When I have time, I look through that box and decide what stays. 95% of the time, these books get sent back to the publisher.

If this is a short-discount or non-returnable title, you also get a voodoo curse put on you.

If you'd like to know a couple of GOOD ways to get your book into the store -- with no voodoo curses -- I can tell you...

A New Game!

A while back there was an essay in the New York Times Book Review about how the number of readers is falling... while the number of authors is rising. The essay mentioned a few titles from iUniverse, everybody's favorite vanity press that lies to people.
It occurred to me that I've never been to iUniverse. So I checked it out. (And it's a good thing I did, because I'm a little bored with substituting ninjas.) Oh, it's awesome. Full of classic tales like My Life Miracle, which reminds me of the way my cable service abbreviates movie titles (Sister Travel Pants. Just makes you want to go, "Hi! I'm Sister Travel Pants. This is my husband, Papercup Mixmaster, and our beautiful son Laughing Gas Alligator!")

I couldn't help feeling some of the titles could have used a subtitle, though. So in this game, we provide the subtitle. Some candidates:

1. ...And the Little Bags You Need to Scoop Them Up With
2. ...I'll Get the Whip and My Fur Handcuffs

3. ...And Then the Morning Again... In Fact, You Can Pretty Much Count on a Whole Bunch of Days After This One. Billions, Maybe. With Mornings and Nights and Afternoons--Ooo! I Forgot About the Afternoons! Um... What Was My Point?



And here's one I haven't come up with a subtitle for. I keep getting caught up in the description. (I hope that you, my readers, appreciate this gift.)


"There are times, when you just can onot say what you would like to say. And, there are times when life can simply frustrate you withwe ignorance of your fellow human beings. This book will help you verbalize how you feel, without saying a word!
Please buy this book. It will help you from having stress, heart attacks and strokes. Telling people how you feel, is therapy! Situations in life can make you crazy. But do not let this happen to you. Just buy the book, and tell the person that needs to be slapped, to read a particular page."

If I Had a Hammer, I'd Hammer This Message Into You

Depressed, North Wind confided in his Siblings; “I was blowing around my favorite places on Earth and looked down, I mean really looked; she’s sick you guys, and it’s frightening, we have to think of a way to help heal our precious Planet Earth, what would we do without her; there is nowhere else to go?
Annie, a young girl, made from recyclable trash is a creation of the Winds because of their worry over the many environmental illnesses Earth is suffering from. Their plan: have Annie come to Earth and visit schools around the world to teach the children about these issues and how to tackle them one at a time; but which problem should they tackle first?

Which problem should we tackle first, indeed.
Children are just like unformed pieces of wood, aren't they? Just waiting for the chisels and planes and hammers and nails of the well-meaning adults around them? Or maybe they're like those pedal-operated trash cans: just step on a lever, their heads pop open, and a sign reads "Dispense Knowledge Here."

Except wait. That's almost the exact opposite of what I think.

Here's what I think: Children are people. They aren't people-in-training. Isn't it adorable the way they think they have minds of their own? No, it isn't. They do have minds of their own.

People (of any age) do not appreciate the funnel-to-gullet method of learning a lesson. Which is why I am firmly of the school of telling a story because you love the story, rather than loving the lesson that's carrying the story around like emotional baggage.

I would recommend you take a big step back from this message. No one here--no one!--is going to argue that it isn't a good and important message. I'd just argue that you'll catch more flies with honey than with a sledgehammer.

A Word to the Wise (and Enamored of Snark)

Every once in a while it occurs to me that my readers may not be reading the same blogs I am. So it's good to check.

Surely you're aware of Janet Reid (and if you don't know who she is, I'm not going to tell you) and Query Shark?

Via The Longstockings, test your typeface-awareness (and see if you can beat my score!): type test

Shelftalker, at Publisher's Weekly: the blog of a children's bookseller.


Favorite quotes this week:
“Teen books are like adult books, without all the bullshit.”
— H. Jack Martin, assistant coordinator of young adult services at New York Public Library

"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
— Stephen King

KidLit News: Know Where I'll Be Next Weekend?

Children’s Book Week 2008 NYC Kick-Off in Bryant Park
Saturday, May 10, 12:00 – 5:00 pm

Children’s Book Week launches in NYC with an event for kids in the Bryant Park Reading Room on Saturday, May 10. Join National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature Jon Scieszka, with help from Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, and Franny K. Stein, in welcoming 10 local authors and illustrators to read from their books. Book signings will follow each presentation. Clifford the Big Red Dog, Curious George, and Franny K. Stein will spend time with kids throughout the afternoon.
Don't forget to get the kids you know to vote for the Children's Choice Book Awards!


And over at Chris Eldin's, it's Author's Week

"A week of contests and fun and free books! Author's Week will be held on my blog from May 3 through May 9. Festivities will kick off on Saturday May 3 with an Oldies but Goodies Contest. I will have funny questions about the following authors who have supported my promotions in the past (cool prizes also!!)"

The Sweetest Berries Come with an Assful of Thorns

Why aren't teachers consultants to Book Publishers? We read a gazillion books a year - at LEAST four a day, and more at night and on the weekends. We nowwhat kids like, what they laugh about, what they cry about, who they are interested in, and what works and what doesn't. We are in the school library, the public library, the used bookstores, the yard sales and Barnes and Noble looking at books. Honestly, shouldn't WE be the ones hunting through the slush piles?

Sometimes teachers are consultants to publishers. But I'm surprised to hear that you think you have the time to read our piles of slush. I know some teachers who are as dedicated as you describe, and they work as much as I do (or more!).

The people who do tend to have the time, and the knowledge, are experienced booksellers. It's true they know less about children than teachers, but they're more likely to have an eye on the market as a whole, and they know more about what sells. And that's important. If you can't sell a book, you're never going to have the chance to share it with a child, no matter how appropriate to children it is.

But heck, if you want to read slush, write to publishers in your area and send them your resume. Make a case for why you're qualified to judge submissions. If you ask me, people who read slush should not only have a whole bunch of experience with children's books, they should:
1. read all age groups of children's books. If you don't read YA, how will you judge the YA manuscripts you get?
2. read what's current. If you don't know what's new and exciting in different age groups, you won't know which manuscripts are copycats, and which are breaking fresh ground.
3. be extremely hopeful. People who you can bury under a kitchen's worth of slush, and who will still say (muffledly) "I think I see something!"

Slush is a dirty job. Struggling through those piles takes intelligence and resilience and a sense of humor. You have to be the sort of person to whom grammatical mistakes, bad rhyme, and self-indulgent treacle are torture, and then read piles of grammatical mistakes, bad rhyme, and self-indulgent treacle. There are sweet and wonderful things to be found, for the sharp of eye, but it's like throwing yourself in a briar patch because you know there's a single blackberry in there. If you're crazy enough to want to do it ...well, come join the club.

Pythons Attack!

Today I was reading a children's blog and came across a story that had the same title as mine and plot as mine. The plot line may not be unique, however, it is a true story that happened to my sister's and I. The only difference in the story is that she used chickens as character and I used people. I feel that this author stole my idea. What should I do? How do I prove that the idea was mine first?

How do you mean she "stole" it? Do you think this author saw your own writing and took the title and plotline? That would be unethical, but also could be very hard to prove. (Aren't you using a critique group? They improve your writing and they provide witnesses.)

...Or do you mean that somehow the same idea for a children's book occurred to you both? In that case she's done nothing wrong, even if the idea came to you first.

Some people seem to think their ideas are equivalent to intellectual property. And it's true that some ideas are. Let's look at some examples.

1. Here's a guy who has an idea for a flying car. He hasn't built a flying car. His idea is that it will be aerodynamic and red with sparkles.

2. Here's another guy who has an idea for a flying car. He hasn't built a flying car. His idea is a detailed plan for the engineering and construction of a flying car--a set of complete blueprints which, if executed in physical form, would produce a real flying car.

One of these guys has intellectual property. The other has a daydream.

1. Here's a guy with an idea for a story. He hasn't written it down. His idea is that it will be about a girl, a pumpkin, and a fairy who makes fantastically uncomfortable shoes.

2. Here's another guy with an idea for a story. He hasn't written it down. His idea is a completely formed, sentence-by-sentence expression of a story about a girl, a pumpkin, and a fairy who makes fantastically uncomfortable shoes.

One of these guys has intellectual property. The other has a daydream.

You may have recognized that plotline. It didn't belong to the Brothers Grimm when they wrote it down, and it doesn't belong to either of these hypothetical guys, either. It's just a plotline.

The plotline of a group of orphans who explore new places on their own—and thwart criminals—does not belong to Lemony Snicket or Gertrude Chandler Warner or Trenton Lee Stewart.

The plotline of a boy who finds out he has extraordinary abilities and has to go away to a school for those abilities—and vanquish evil—does not belong to J. K. Rowling, or Jane Yolen, or Rick Riordan, or Trenton Lee Stewart ...or fricking anyone else.

An idea is just an idea until it is developed and expressed. If it's a car idea, it needs to be expressed in blueprints. If it's a story idea, it needs to be expressed in words.

As I've said before, in storytelling, as in pretty much everything, expression makes all the difference.

The Storyteller's First and Best Tool: Voice

I have a question about voice. Every time I hear an agent or editor raving about a 'stand out' voice, the book is written in first person. Can a third person narrative have that elusive unique and compelling voice that we always hear about? Do you have any examples of books written in third person that had a voice that really grabbed you?

Tons! But it's not fair to load the list with Newbery winners.
How about:

Skippyjon Jones

Every morning, Skippyjon Jones woke up with the birds.

And this did not please his mother at all.

"Get yourself down here right now, Mr. Kitten Britches," ordered Mama Junebug Jones.

"No self-respecting cat ever slept with a flock of birds," she scolded. "Or ate worms, or flew, or did his laundry in Mrs. Doohiggy's birdbath."

Ivy and Bean

It all began because Bean was playing a trick on her older sister.

Bean's older sister was named Nancy. She was eleven. Nancy thought Bean was a pain and a pest. Bean thought Nancy was a booger-head.

The Wee Free Men

She unhooked the largest frying pan, the one that could cook breakfast for half a dozen people all at once, and took some candies from the jar on the dresser and put them in an old paper bag. Then, to Wentworth's sullen bewilderment, she took him by a sticky hand and headed back down toward the stream.

Things still looked very normal down there, but she was not going to let that fool her. All the trout had fled, and the birds weren't singing.

She found a place on the riverbank with the right-sized bush. Then she found a stone and hammered a piece of wood into the ground as hard as she could, close to the edge of the water, and tied the bag of sweets to it. Tiffany was the kind of child who always carried a piece of string.

"Candy, Wentworth," she shouted.

She gripped the frying pan and stepped smartly behind the bush.

Wentworth trotted over to the sweets and tried to pick up the bag. It wouldn't move.

"I wanna go-a toy-lut!" he yelled, because it was a threat that usually worked. His fat fingers scrabbled at the knots.

Tiffany watched the water carefully. Was it getting darker? Was it getting greener? Was that just waterweed down there? Were those bubbles just a trout, laughing?

No.

She ran out of her hiding place with the frying pan swinging like a bat. The screaming monster, leaping out of the water, met the frying pan coming the other way with a clang.

It was a good clang, with the oiyoiyoioioioioioinnnnnggggggg that is the mark of a clang well done.

The creature hung there for a moment, few teeth and bits of green weed splashing into the water, then slid down slowly and sank with some massive bubbles.

The water cleared and was once again the same old river, shallow and icy cold and floored with pebbles.

"Wanna wanna sweeties!" screamed Wentworth, who never noticed anything else in the presence of sweets.

Tiffany undid the string and gave them to him. He ate them far too quickly, as he always did with sweets. She waited until he was sick, then went back home in a thoughtful state of mind.


Voice is certainly most noticeable when it's a unique-sounding 1st-person voice, but good voice is to be had in lots of places. It's about suiting your word choices and pacing to the story you're telling. A perfect match adds depth and texture and nuance to the text; it tells you something about the characters you're reading about and the story being told.

Everybody's Favorite Word—Freebies

Ooo, oo, oo. T-shirt lady (nicknamed "Angela") is giving away a t-shirt.
Perhaps you want the one that reads, "My inner critic can beat up your inner critic."

Independence Day

All the kerfuffle over the columnist who let her nine-year-old ride the subway alone has led to some interesting discussions on writer's boards about how much freedom to give child characters in middle grade novels. What's your opinion? Do we pretend that kids are being raised the same way we were, and let our child characters go around town by themselves doing interesting things and getting into scrapes? (And then kids read it as fantasy?) Do we make up reasons why this particular kid has freedom, like the parents are out of town or something? Or do we have them sit at home texting their friends or going on carefully supervised playdates or having their "adventures" in some after-school program, because that's what real middle-class American kids do?

How many of us haven't had the experience, as a child, of the thrill of getting to choose what we do, free of adult supervision? These are confidence- and independence-building experiences.
And how many of us haven't had the experience of realizing, while we're doing something (or shortly thereafter), that we've put ourselves in a stupid, dangerous position? These are learning experiences, and thank goodness our parents never found out about them.

It's hard to be a parent. It's hard to look at your children and know that they need experiences that build the skills of independence. And to look at them and know that if anything ever happened to them, your life would be over. It's hard to hear about the snatchings that happen in people's front yards (or even in their homes!) and not get awfully paranoid. Reasonably, we know that there are not more predators now than there were when we were children, or when our parents were children. There's just more news. But that doesn't make it easier for mothers and fathers.

I think the bottom line for writers is that there are still lots of different childhoods to be had in this country alone. It's certainly unusual to find a parent who lets their nine year old wander around a city alone, so if you describe a family like this, be sure to include the details that make those parents believable. On the other hand, the Penderwick girls and Ingrid Levin-Hill leave the house regularly to wander around in the woods. Their parents are still protective parents, but the authors have grounded us in a setting that makes these parents' attitudes believable.

Different parents are protective in different ways, and that's what results in the different degrees of freedom that different children experience. Sometimes it seems like writers think they're just writing about their child mc. Well, yes and no. Don't forget to give your reader a sense of who's making the rules: understanding the major forces in a child character's life is part of understanding the character. And for most children, there are no forces more powerful than their parents.

Gather Ye Manuscripts While Ye May

I'm wondering what your take would be on my current situation. I sent my YA manuscript to a publisher a year ago. Writer's Market gave a response time of 4 - 6 months.

Well, Writer's Market may or may not be accurate. But a year?

In November I sent a letter asking what the status of the manuscript was (mostly because I wanted to send the manuscript in to a contest. In January I received a form letter stating that the publisher was still considering the manuscript. I could call in 2 months if I didn't hear from them. In March I got the same form letter saying that if I didn't hear within 1 month I could call. I called last week and the receptionist said they were still reading the YA manuscripts and I should hear something soon.

"Still reading the YA manuscripts"? As though they had had only one shipment?

Now, I'm new to this, so I take anything that isn't a "no" as a good sign. But I'm wondering if maybe I'm reading too much into the "still considering." Does that mean at least one person read it and liked it? Or could it mean that they just didn't get around to reading the manuscript until now? I know every publishing house is different, but what's your professional opinion?

I hope the person sending those letters is properly embarrassed. A year?
A year is not a good sign, but it's true that, even so, your manuscript might be being read for the first time so long after submission. But you shouldn't think of anything submitted so long ago as an exclusive, and no publisher has the right to expect such an accommodation.
Once again, we see the importance of submitting widely and persistently. Some houses take far, far too long, and it'll serve them right if they miss their chance at something good.

Censorship or Not: a Quick Review

Things that are censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides not to carry a book because it offends the librarian or bookseller.

Things that are not censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides not to carry a book because they don't think a reasonable percentage of their clientele would be interested in it.

Things that are censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides to carry a book, but other people object because they are offended.

Things that are not censorship:
When a library or bookstore decides to carry a book, but asks the author not to read the sexy bits aloud where it could be overheard by children.

Things that are censorship:
Telling a poet she shouldn't open her fat mouth.

Things that are not censorship:
Telling a poet she's an idiot after she's opened her fat mouth.

Like Shooting Nitwits in a Barrel

It's just too easy. What real enjoyment can be had from making fun of My Beautiful Mommy, the book for mommies who want to explain to their kids why mommy needs a tummy tuck and a boob job?

(The reason is, of course, "For the same reason I gave you those Barbie dolls, sweetheart!")

...The book that Newsweek has just featured? The Newsweek whose staff can't remember the last time they were proud of themselves?

Yes, it's like sparkly pink spiders are crawling over your skin. Please admire the magical glitter that surrounds New-Improved-Mommy so that she reminds us of Barbie or Tinkerbell or Cinderella. Nice, huh?

And if we skip directly to the book's "publisher," Big Tent Books ("Beautifully Illustrated Books for Children of All Ages"), there are indeed many other targets as wide as a barn. I'm going to leave the commentary on this one to you guys:

But this highlights a truth: plastic surgery and self-publishing are related fairy tales.

The moral of both these stories, boys and girls, is that the heroine of the story (or the hero) is always special. And she's special because other people tell her she is. Even if she has to pay them to tell her that.

Swiss Family Ninjason

Some guy named Larry has introduced a discussion of the Ninja Replacement Score for literature.

The idea is: By how many characters in a work would replacement by ninjas be an improvement? So the best score is zero. And the worst score is all (which, by convention, is scored as "infinity"). This amuses me.

I think our offices would be improved if all the managing editors were replaced by ninjas (not that they're that far off already).

But after trying to play this game with my sister for a few minutes (her: "Tale of Despereaux: 1 --the narrator." me: "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: infinity!") we found it hard to apply in ways that really represented how we felt about some books. ("So Gone with the Wind gets a 41, but The Kissing Hand gets a 2? Where's the justice?")

So we started a new game: what character needs to be added to a book to improve it? (me: "The Giving Tree: The Wuggly Ump" her: "Pride and Prejudice: Mr. T" me: "Love You Forever: Dr. Spock")

Who else wants to play?

The Answers Are All Yes

Do agented manuscripts get preferential treatment over requested slushie ones?

Not unless the agent's doing a better job of nagging me, or has let me know there's interest elsewhere and he/she needs an answer by X date. So the practical answer is yes, sometimes. But not because I think agented manuscripts are better than ones I've requested.

How often do you have editorial meetings?

You mean acquisition meetings? This varies a great deal from publisher to publisher. Could be weekly, could be monthly, could be whenever the editor has a chat with the boss.

Do you tell a writer that a manuscript went to a meeting before, after or never?

Any of the three. I'm not picky. Do you want to know before, after, or never?

Do you ever ask for revisions before making an offer?

Yes. I don't think it's fair to ask for more than one without a commitment on the table, but yes, sometimes I think I see something in a manuscript that I'm worried the acquisitions group won't, so I'll ask for a rewrite. This is also a test: the good writers are the ones who are good at rewriting. Some people are only good at first drafts, or terrible at using feedback effectively, and I'd like to know that about someone before I commit to working with them for months/years and spending many thousands of dollars on their project.

If you do ask for revisions or offer to look at something after a revision, do you think about that manuscript or is it out of sight, out of mind until it lands on your desk?

Out of sight, out of mind. And often out of memory. As in, it comes back and I have to work to remember what the project was, why I was excited about it, etc. This is not a reflection on your manuscript. This is just a fact of the publishing office. It's a high-distraction, sometimes high-stress environment.

The Heroic Journey of the Requested Manuscript

There is a wealth of information online about approaching publishers and the query process, all of which I've found invaluable. However, once your work is actually out there, under consideration, information seems to dry up. For instance:Three months ago, an Editor at a small but extremely successful publisher called me. She liked my sample chapters and asked me to send the full manuscript straight away.After scooping my jaw up off the floor, I did as she asked.So what happens next?Does the Editor make an effort to read it as soon as she can? Does it get lost in the shuffle? If she loves it, what's the next step?I know three months is NOTHING when waiting for feedback on a full, and that I'll probably be waiting for a while yet either way, but as I can't find much information on this stage of the process, I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to shed some light on what happens to a requested manuscript once it gets to a publisher.

The envelope comes in and is pulled from the mail by someone (an assistant / an intern) who's never heard your name before. They just pull it because it says "requested material" on it. That person passes it to me. They may remove the manuscript from its envelope and trash the envelope.

I look at the envelope/manuscript askance because I forgot your name ten seconds after I wrote it on the letter requesting the full. But I open the envelope and look at the cover letter and realize I did request this. I may have a memory of why, too! Points for me.

But whether my reaction is "oh, good! I was looking forward to seeing this!" or "I can't remember why I wanted this, but it'll probably be clear when I look at it," the next step is the same: it goes in a pile of things I need to read. Because right now I'm clearing off my desk or chair or inbox, and once that's finished, I have huge amounts of the work I'm paid for to do.

(a digression) Many authors idealistically think that it's part of my job to read things, and that's true, in an abstract way. In practical terms, though, there's always a huge amount of work to do for the books that are already underway, so the part of my job that's reading is usually the part on the subway or the weekend or any of the other times I'm sure as hell not being paid for. Sometimes I fantasize about taking time out of my day to sit comfortably with my reading and a cup of coffee and give everything the time and consideration it deserves. And then I roll my eyes or snort or laugh a little hysterically (depending on my current emotional stability) and get back to answering emails.

Eventually, I notice that the pile is getting a tad out of hand. Depending on what else has been going on, this may be when it fills its basket or when it's almost two feet tall. Noticing may be aided by agents in that pile nagging me, or maybe not. And depending on the time of year, the growth from one inch to 24 inches may happen over the course of three months or just two weeks. Sometimes I look at it and whimper.

But this stage is where I differ from a lot of editors: I have a pile. One pile, with one place to be, so when it's out of hand I do notice, and when I want to know how long the pile's been waiting, I can look at the stuff on the bottom. What many editors have is many, many piles on their desks, all of which are of varied content, import, and antiquity. I don't really understand how anybody works that way, but the proof is right across the hall from me. Lots of people do.

Ok, let's assume your manuscript has beaten the chaos and the crushing workload of the office and is actually in an editor's hands and being read with some focus. I'll also be reading with some foreboding, because experience shows that most fulls don't live up to the potential I saw in the partial. And, damn, that feels like a waste of my time! It's frustrating.

But maybe, maybe I read each successive chapter with growing hope and disbelief and, my god, is it... pleasure? And I finish the whole thing and think, that was great! I then have to get somebody else to read it to be sure the pressure hasn't gotten to me and I'm out of my mind.

And then (assuming I'm not nuts), we start the acquisition process, which varies a great deal from publisher to publisher, and may take a week or a month further before you hear anything from me.

...So when you finally do hear from me and I make an offer, it feels to you like an asteroid has fallen from the sky. But to your manuscript, it's the end of a journey full of perils and close calls, suspicion and doubt. It's like a beloved dog that you thought was dead suddenly showing up in your front yard covered in tire tracks and limping a little, but wagging his tail, happy to see you again. And with a suitcase full of money in his mouth!

...And then comes the really hard part.

Higher Risk for Authors and Booksellers? Where Do We Sign Up?

Oz and Ends runs the numbers on the non-returnable, profit-sharing publishing model that Harper is trying out. I think I agree about the profit-sharing being a very dubious deal for authors.

But non-returnability... I think it may possible to construct shared-markdown and remainder-in-place policies that make sense for booksellers. I'm not sure I've seen any yet, but I'm not ready to throw the idea out entirely... yet.

I haven't seen the details of Harper's new venture, but my hopes aren't real high. People in the position to make big decisions at publishers don't often seem to have many friends who are authors or booksellers. Now wouldn't that be nice? To have a colleague on the other side of the fence that you could knock the numbers around with before you make decisions that may or may not piss them and all their counterparts off? Yeah, I'm crazy.

I'm Back!

Yes, I've missed you, too. I'm going to be very vague about my whereabouts these past several days, though, so my coworkers can't identify me. It was somewhere where I thought I would have lots of time to sift the many entries to the poetry contest, but was I wrong? And how. Thanks for your patience.

I have a friend who is a Navy SEAL turned Dr. of physiology and chiropractic. He's written a children's novel concerning physiology to teach kids about good posture and how participating in activities in a physically correct manner is beneficial. Sounds crazy, but he's managed to do it and make it cool. For instance, learning to push your scooter with both feet (one at a time of course) helps your overall balance....both legs are strengthened, not just the side you favor, and this helps in playing sports, etc. He wants to include a DVD with the book to demonstrate the techniques. Can you give him a little guidance about querying
agents/publishing houses? It's fiction, but is full of non-fiction, teaching elements. Any advice you have on how to proceed with this would be greatly appreciated.

Your friend needs to fully grasp two facts about the business.

1. Absolutely no one is going to buy a novel for its nonfiction physiology content. And when I say "no one" I mean no agent, no editor, no parent, and no child. These people will only buy it if it is a good story, well told.

2. There is a not large but meaningful section of slush made up entirely of yahoos who are committed to explaining the importance of their chosen careers to children (eg tax audits, cosmology... remember these?). Their manuscripts are universally awful. So: your friend does not want to be mistaken for one of them.

Most of us are familiar with the expression "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down". (Some of us, in fact, can't think of this expression without hearing Julie Andrews in our heads. Damn Mary Poppins.) It's important for your friend to recognize that what he has here is medicine. Physiology is not the big, bitter pill that "Insurance Structures and Their Importance to You" would be (as a completely random example), but it is still a pill. In order for this manuscript to succeed, he must have wrapped the information so completely in a story that children want to consume that the teaching component is indistinguishable.

And what this means to his queries and cover letters is most likely something he won't want to hear: he shouldn't mention the physiology content at all. He should query and submit this just like he would if it were a story written for its own sake, because if the manuscript does not work on the strength of the story alone, it will. not. sell.

You didn't mention why he felt a novel would be a better vector for this information than a nonfiction manuscript. Personally, I think it's an odd choice. Still, I never say never. Good luck!