Why I Hate Inanimate Objects Almost as Much as Your Dog and Your Grandchild

Before you write a story about a treehouse, from its beginnings as lumber through its nailing-together (ouch!) to its old age, after it has proudly watched its boy grow up,

Before you write a story about a shawl and the old woman it keeps warm through thick and thin,

Before you write a story about a leaf that's afraid to fall from the tree,

Before you write a story about a rock and all the changes it witnesses from its ditch or hill or goddamned outhouse,

ASK YOURSELF WHY ANYONE WOULD GIVE A FLYING SHIT ABOUT A MAIN CHARACTER THAT CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

Ahem.

When we are writers and have a story in our heads, and begin thinking about how to tell said story, and we ask ourselves "whose story is this?" we look for the character who is most changed by the ACTION of the story, who has the most at stake in the ACTION, or whose ACTIONS have the most impact on the plot.

When we are readers and are looking for a story that will fascinate and entertain us, we are looking for a story in which SOMETHING HAPPENS and in which the main character is someone who can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

For fuck's sake.