Query 3: No, Not Bad Enough

I thought I'd enter the worst query part of the contest. Unfortunately, since I've read the slush pile for a children's book publisher, I know this query is possible. Happy reading and thanks for the contest!
Dear Editor, I have a young adult fantasy novel that I’d love to be able to send you. I read your blog all the time and I think we’d get along just swell. BEWARE OF LEPRECHAUNS YOU MEET AT MIDNIGHT is about homicidal leprechauns, sex deprived trolls, and a human girl that’s out to rule the world. With the success of Artemis Fowl in the middle grade category, I figure fans of those novels will want to keep reading about fairies and leprechauns when they get older, only I’ve made it edgy for the young adult audience. If you are interested, I can send you my novel. It’s beautifully bound and printed on both sides (just like a real book) and I’ve found really neat clip art for the cover and interior art. Of course, I can send the manuscript double spaced, printed on one side only, and unbound, if you’d rather read it that way (although I’m not sure why you would want to). By the way, just like Artemis Fowl, this first book is just an introduction to the wonderful world of leprechauns at night. I’m planning twelve books total in the series and I know that they will all be bestsellers. I can’t wait to send you my book – I know you’ll love it! Sincerely … A YA writer with her hand on the pulse of the industry.

This is unrealistic enough to have come from slush, but not badly-written enough. Disqualified.