80 Proof

This week has had a theme. But this is the last how-long-do-I-wait-what's-going-on question I answer for a while, and Mr. Cuervo here agrees.

So, This is a stupid question and yes, I have queried the piece to death, but I still can't sleep at night. A full of my MG has been with 5 different editors at 5 different houses (and 1 agent has a full) for several months with NO RESPONSE. I am not hallucinating as I still have all of the requests in writing. Yes, my email is working, but at this point, the postage rates have changed on the SASE. WTF?

Is my manuscript in a corner somewhere? Has it been riding around in the trunk of a car? Is it holding up a desk? Has it even been opened? Is an assistant using it as a coaster? Did the editor post my book on the bulletin board as an example of what not to do? Did it go to acquisition, editorial or whatever they call the meetings? Are they working on a P&L and talking it over? What is taking so long?

A good imagination is a blessing and a curse, isn't it? Did an overworked intern come to the office with lighter fluid? Did an editor send you a really important request for a rewrite in an envelope the post office is never going to deliver? Did someone mistake your upside-down manuscript for a pile of recyclable paper and print the month's sales reports on the blank sides? Did the sheer, incalculable mass of slush create a black hole of hopelessness from which no manuscript can escape? Did the publisher sign so many books up for 2008 that the idea of acquiring anything ever again makes the entire editorial staff nauseated?

There's no telling. But I can give you the percentages. For your questions, in order:
1. 40%
2. 15%
3. 2%
4. 70%
5. 50%
6. 0% (it's too big to tack to a bulletin board)
7. 15%
8. 30%

You must keep writing. You must keep submitting. You must not think about how people who deliberately requested your manuscript should really get back to you.

The percentages for my questions, in case you're curious:
1. 0%
2. 10%
3. 1%
4. 13%
5. 40%